What should a man say (or not say) in a first contact that will most likely get your reply back?
Posted : 13 May, 2010 09:19 PM
There have been other threads that detailed this -- look through the archives.
We generally like someone who shows us by their first contact that they actually read our profile. Someone who will ask open-ended questiions. Be polite and courteous.
From the other threads, it seems the ladies are split about 50/50 on whether they like winks or not. For me -- follow up the wink with an email. Good luck!!
What should a man say (or not say) in a first contact that will most likely get your reply back?
Posted : 16 May, 2010 12:13 AM
I've gotten several messages over the past few days that have been overly nosy... asking for things such as my name, phone #, etc. upfront. Things like that creep me out... While I reply to every message I get (except for the sexual ones, which I just report/block), the reply is very brief if the guy has said something that's turned me off, led me to think he's a creeper, etc. If I get a message that says, "Hi. How are you? What's your name?" I'm going to reply back with something such as: "I'm okay. I do not disclose my name on dating sites." I don't really invite any further conversation.
If a guy wants to actually get to know me and/or have a conversation with me, he should say something that indicates that he's actually read my profile and should go into some detail about why he felt led to contact me and/or why is interested in knowing me. And if his profile is virtually blank (like a lot of them are!!), then he ought to tell me about himself. However, he ought to keep all of this fairly brief... Around a dozen sentences is appropriate. If we hit it off, then the messages should progressively become lengthier and more personal.
As I said, I reply to all my messages, but if they're really long, and ask me a gazillion questions (especially when they're questions that require extensive responses, like my thoughts on social or ethical issues), it's going to take me awhile to reply, because I have to think it all over and then set aside an hour or so to respond. And when I get like a 1/2 dozen of those message in a day, then I just feel overwhelmed and end up ignoring my inbox for a couple of days.
I've gotten a few messages on here that have been nothing more than a long string of questions... No indication that they've read my profile or anything, just a big, long list of questions... I must say that I dread replying to those... Especially when the guy's profile is blank and I have no idea if I even will like to be friends with him.
I think it's also good to start out fairly light, but to be open and honest at the same time. If there's something going on that he needs prayer for, that's perfectly alright to share. I have no problem hearing of people's burdens, etc. But, if he immediately wants to know what my thoughts are on the death penalty or whether or not I'm a virgin, I'm going to cringe. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy deep, intense conversations, but not with guys I don't even know. It takes time to reach the point where those types of conversations are comfortable for me.
What should a man say (or not say) in a first contact that will most likely get your reply back?
Posted : 16 May, 2010 07:43 PM
Yeah, Pixy. I know what exactly what you mean. If a woman wrote a first message to me that asked me a lot of questions that are too personal I would run for it! That would just get under my skin and creep me out! :toomuch:
I personally don't have a problem giving out my first name to anyone right from the start of communication, especially since my name is quite common and makes it hard to track me down in a BIG Metropolitan city.
Tonight I wrote a message to a lady on here who I seem to have a lot in common with just from reading her profile. I almost feel like I am reading about myself when I read her profile--close enough, anyway. :winksmile: It's rare for me to come across ladie's profiles that give me such a good feeling about her lifestyle and personality, it's a lot like deja vu. Rarer still to even get an opportunity to communicate, the world of online dating and relationships is very competitive these days if you ask me. Still, there is always room for error in my judgment, and I could be wrong about the girl I wrote to tonight. It will definitely take some communication with her and a little time to find out if my instincts have any legitimacy at all. I certainly hope she gives this communication thing a fair chance, unlike so many other ladies have let me down. I feel like I deserve it considering the time and energy I have already put into searching for the love of my life for quite some time now and have not found her yet.
I did comment on some things she mentioned in her profile that really clicked with me without going into too much detail on my thoughts. We'll see what happens now. Maybe we'll both be blessed! :angel:
GODSLAMB: I wish I could search through the archives, but the search engine on this forum site doesn't work very well. I think it wants to me know the exact name of a thread I am looking for, rather than just a partial name or keyword. Kinda makes the search feature useless, you know? If you could directly point me to some links instead, that would help me out a lot.
Thank you everyone for your time and attention. :glow:
What should a man say (or not say) in a first contact that will most likely get your reply back?
Posted : 17 May, 2010 12:05 AM
I think where alot of us, myself included, mess up is when we care too much and try too hard. It's good to care and try, but somehow we equate that to 'well if it's good to care and try then it's GREAT to care more and try harder than usual', but when we do that is when she leaves and we fall apart, not necessarily in that order though. Just saying...
What should a man say (or not say) in a first contact that will most likely get your reply back?
Posted : 23 May, 2010 09:00 PM
Well..
first... don't just send an email saying "you're pretty. How's it going" or something like that.
Second.. As was already mentioned... show you read their profile and actually care about what you read.
Third....; ask a few questions... but also if they respond back to you and ask you questions... keep the questions going! I find it disappointing when I respond to someone's profile, answer their questions, and ask some of my own... and all I get back is the answers to the questions I ask... and then I sometimes don't really know what to say.
fourth.. write more than three lines, but don't come on ridiculously strong and intense... when people are really intense it kind of scares me. Especially since all the guys I've responded to who were really intense were kind of nuts about finding a potential wife- and wanted to turn me into the girl they wanted, rather than just wanting to get to know me. Either that or they talked like they wanted to marry me NOW... and that was kind of creepy.
What should a man say (or not say) in a first contact that will most likely get your reply back?
Posted : 26 May, 2010 08:13 PM
I largely agree with what's been said so far, but I will try to add a bit from my own personal experience. Here are two very common things that almost guarantee a lack of interest on my part.
My first major pet peeve is the 'hello' message..."hello" in the title, "hello, what's up" in the message area. Unless I'm really impressed by a person's profile, I'm not really going to be attracted by that. Plus...what can you do with a message like that, honestly? It doesn't really incite conversation.
Second is a big annoyance for me, and it involves a guy immediately wanting my facebook/myspace info or (esp. creepy) to know if I have a webcam. No girl with any sense is going to volunteer her facebook info right off, and I think it's rude to ask right away. As for the webcam... it may not be fair, but I see a webcam request and my mind goes straight to pervert!alert. Perhaps just plain due to widespread misuse, webcams have sort of a bad reputation. Personally I can't even think of the things without remembering re-runs of 'To Catch a Predator'.
I'm not saying don't ask for this stuff--but certainly don't ask for it in the preliminary message stage. It just makes most girl uncomfortable :glow:
