Author	Thread: I got a question for women about women ...
b2therizz0 View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 11:30 AM So I got to ask the women out there, I'm wondering if I handled a situation incorrectly that happened to me a couple days ago. I had been emailing a women who lived a little ways away from for a month or so. We started talking on the phone maybe a couple of weeks (3 or 4) around 2 times a week. Now she mentioned during our email sessions that she had some family things that she was doing and my job sometimes causes me to work lots of overtime, so we didn't talk everynight. And I'm just taking things slow. We were making plans to meet during some vacation time I had coming up. Ok, so she asks me the other day if I thought she was pretty. I gotta be honest and say that her pictures she posted on her page were a little fuzzy or taken from faraway. But I thought that things she said in her profile and what pictures she did post, that there was enough potential to try and make initial contact. So, I didn't really know how to reply to her asking if I thought she was pretty. So I fumbled over some answer that was basically "We'll see when me meet" ... I'm mean, I'm being cautious ramping up my feelings about someone that I've never met. I'm trying not to get my heart broken. Plus, as a Christian, I'm trying not to make decisions with my eyes only. Okay, so then she tells me to stop leading her on and wasting her time. This after I have around 50 emails from her. How am I wasting her time? How can she say something like this? I mean she never told me to call her everyday? I mean, how should I have handled this? Post Reply
View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 12:17 PM Well, since you find her attractive enough to pursue, then you could have said something like, "From what I can see, yes, you are pretty," or "Your photos aren't real clear, but from I can tell, you're pretty." If I ask a guy such a question, it's usually because I'm feeling really down about my appearance and just having a bad body/self image day. So, any way that a guy could respond to me that would encourage me would be nice. He doesn't have to express that he thinks I'm drop-dead gorgeous or that he's in love with me... just say something to let me know that I'm not completely hideous to look at. Post Reply
b2therizz0 View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 01:32 PM Thanks for the tip, I figured it was something like that but was caught off guard by the question, especially since I try so hard not to let my "eyes" make my decisions for me. And when I tried to explain that to her, it was already too late. The problem is that I can't understand why she thought that I was wasting her time and leading her on after almost 2 months of emailing/talking. No one in their right mind (that being the operative term) will go to such lengths just to string someone on. Any other tips ... Post Reply
View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 02:57 PM brother, it sounds like you will potentially dodge a bullet. the fact that she asked you that specific question suggest that she has self esteem issues, and especially if it was after so much contact between the two of you. the getting to know you time should be spent getting to know the other person and not worrying about what they think about you. it seems as though she places a lot of emphasis on her looks instead of a potential relationship. granted one must be self-conscious enough to know how to present themselves but it should not be a prevailing thought in one's mind at such a crucial time in a budding relationship. of course, questions which seek to ascertain a person's motive to initiate contact are absolutely necessary... such as: "what did you like about my profile?" or "was it my pictures that made you write or the about me section?" those questions sound sensible imo. i read somewhere that a woman who constantly seeks attention(flaunts herself) is an empty vessel, and nothing anyone can say will ever satisfy her... nyanda:purpleangel: Post Reply
b2therizz0 View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 03:34 PM Well, personally I have self esteem issues myself. I've had my heart broken a bunch of times. I don't think she was a shallow person at all. The time I spent talking to her, I got the distinct impression that she wouldn't stand in front of a mirror all day long. She was pretty, but I don't want that to be the only reason for me to make contact with her. I fight daily with the iniquity that I was born with. I liked the things she said about herself and as we got to talking, I liked those things more. She deleted her account once we started talking on the phone (maybe in anticipation of what would eventually come about) and I didn't actually pull up her page while we were emailing, so I kinda forgot what she looked like. I just can't understand why someone who never told me to call her everynight, who told me she had family things she was working on for the upcoming month, who lived 2 states away from me, and who I had sent around 50 emails and called 6 to 7 times over around a 3 week period would think I was leading her on because I wouldn't admit that she was pretty when I had never actually seen her face to face ... Post Reply
View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 03:51 PM hehe, i am beginning to see your situation clearly. sounds like a case of male cluelessness:nahnah: if i were in her shoes i would actually think that you were wasting my time too. after all that time, and you don't even know what she looked like! :laugh::ROFL: i hope i am not being insensitive by , but seriously...? if i were talking to someone for an extended period of time, even if i know every feature on their face, i would still look at their picture just to feel a little bit closer to them. especially since it's an online thing... i do sympathize with you tho, men and women are so very different i tell ya... try not to be so tough on yourself, it sounds like a little misunderstanding and i think you should talk to her about it. tell her the truth, and explain how it was not that important to you what she looked like, but that you saw potential based upon your interaction with her. and that you do find her pretty/attractive etc which i hope are all true for you. nyanda:purpleangel: Post Reply
b2therizz0 View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 04:47 PM Yeah, I tried to explain/apologize but she's not returning my calls so I just gave up, because I know that once a woman has made a decision I'd be trying to move a mountain. She's not gonna budge. I just don't understand how she could've thought I wasn't interested in her if I called her every couple of days ... Post Reply
View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 07:30 PM ok, God bless brother. but i hope you learned a little bit more about women, or at least gained some insight about what happened. :waving: nyanda:purpleangel: Post Reply
View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 23 Apr, 2010 07:40 PM How could you have handled it? My suggestions: You could have said something like, "Your profile pictures were a little fuzzy, but I liked what I saw, and now that I've been talking to you I think you are really attractive" Or, You could have said, "I am attracted to you. I noticed your profile pictures were a little fuzzy. Do you have a sharper one that you could send me?" What I do when I have been talking to someone for a little bit (time period varies) and I think we have made a connection - I copy and paste their profile text and picture(s) into a document and save it. That way I can look at their picture, and also compare what they are saying with what their profile said. I have found it effective for me. Post Reply
SOS4EMAILFRIEND View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 06:59 AM Boy oh boy what are you telling me: "I gotta be honest and say that her pictures were a little fuzzy or taken from far away" "The things she sais in her profile and what picure she did post, that there was enough potential to try andmake inital contact" "So I didn�t really know how to reply .... fumbled over some answer basically we�ll see when we meet..." "I am being cautious ramping up my feelings about someone I have never met. I try not to get my heart broken" "As a christian I try not to make decisions with my eyes only" :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: I think the girl is right in asking you whether she is pretty as you have never told her. What she does not know, because you have neglected to tell her, is that her looks are of no importance to you. Instead you have led her to believe that you have not noticed any beauty despite the frequent mails. The pics are fuzzy and you will only see whether she is pretty when you actually meet... this is in fact the opposite. Looks are important but the fuzzy pics make you answer that you can only see her beauty when you see her! She is upset because you hurt and confused her. If you have something more than a telephone number and you really really like her. Then you should take action. Send flowers, letters, poems, apologies, whatever but DO something besides talking about it with us. I also think she will answer the phone eventually and in case she does, let her vent.... do not interrupt to give your side of the story. You know, I believe in love. If the two of you really care about eachother, you will get your second chance here. But please..... never fumble over answers no more. It is not your strongest talent:laugh::laugh: Post Reply
b2therizz0 View Profile History	I got a question for women about women ... Posted : 24 Apr, 2010 09:00 AM godslamb ... Thanks for the tip about keeping a journal, that's a good idea. Post Reply

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