Author	Thread: Leadership
TravisjustTravis View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 28 Mar, 2010 04:23 PM A good number of ladies believe that the husband should be the leader in the marrige, I agree. But the question that I would like to ask is when should the boyfriend become the leader in a relationship. Because if boyfriends are not supposed to be the leader until after marrige, then why do girls expect to find a guy that will lead? (I hope I made the question clear) :waving: Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 28 Mar, 2010 05:52 PM I think that question was pretty clear. I agree that the husband should be the leader in a marriage. As for the boyfriend being the leader in the relationship, well...I think he needs to lead from the get-go. Here's how it's working out with me and the guy I'm dating. I winked at him on a different dating site. He emailed me back, and from then on, he's been the leader. We didn't really talk too much at first about who should be the leader in the relationship. He just assumed that role. Now we've discussed it more, and he's told me that he LIKES taking the lead, but that I should never feel like I can't suggest a date idea, or invite him to an event, or call him...he doesn't want to take control, just responsibility when appropriate. I happen to appreciate that! Did that answer your question? Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 28 Mar, 2010 07:35 PM Hi Travisjustravis, Well, for me, the Word says wives submit to your own husbands and that they submit one to another. My ex and I had no problem in this area. He recognized my ability to handle the money and bills among other things and vice versa. When the husband loves his wife the way Christ loves the church and the wife reverences her husband, then it's all good. While dating and during marriage there should be mutual respect for each other's wants and needs. And mutual recognition of each others strengths and what they can contribute to the union. I am willing to follow a man who is following God's leading for the vision and direction of our family. So to answer your question, for me, after we say I do. Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 28 Mar, 2010 07:45 PM Hello Travis: I think he can gently take that role from the get-go. Being loving and supportive, not foreceful or overbearing. I think it should be a natural thing. HTH Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 28 Mar, 2010 08:45 PM forgive me, i know i'm not really qualified to answer this, but just my 2 cents is that everybody should strive to be a leader in any relationship. even if you're not as much of a leader as the other person. Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 29 Mar, 2010 06:15 PM I think leadership in different areas for each person in the relationship is great, but there are times when the guy should take the lead. If you are dating for marriage, then you should start practicing being the leader. If the woman is more of a leader in the relationship as a whole, then it will be harder for her to let go of that when marriage comes along. Does that make sense? Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 29 Mar, 2010 07:45 PM I think there are a variety of definitions for "leader" out there. I was once given an interesting perspective on this. A leader is a person who takes someone to a place they have already been to themselves. I think the answer to finding a man that is a leader is to look at where he has been because that is where he will take you. The Bible says the man is the head of the woman. The head is the part of the body that is aware of everything around the rest of the body. The head is the place of the five most important senses. It is the place where decisions are made, where choices about direction are made and it is the part of the body that guides the body with balance and vision toward a destination. Moses was prepared to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt because he had 40 years of training in leadership as the son of the Pharaoh and he was familiar with the territory because he had spent 40 years herding sheep in the places the Hebrews were moving through for 40 years. Thunder Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 31 Mar, 2010 01:37 AM I, personally, always appreciate when a man can step up and be a leader to me, even if we are only dating. If he can't lead in a dating relationship, why should I expect him to know how to lead after we get married? I want to have a marriage where my husband is the leader (especially spiritual leader) to myself and my future children and I figure he may as well practice before we even say "I do." Why should a may be expected to lead his wife spiritually after the marriage but not be expected to lead his girlfriend or fiance before the marriage? Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 31 Mar, 2010 07:07 AM To be honest, i get lost when women say they want a guy that's a leader. for some reason to me it seems like they're saying they want some one that's like: 'this is the mission. this is what we're gonna do. this is how it's going to be done. and you're going to like it. and if you don't then deal with it.' any means necessary type of mindset. i don't consider myself a push over, and can lead other people at work, but to me for some reason it comes off as different than that because at work people need to be lead because if they weren't they wouldn't do what needs to get done, and how they feel about it along the way and how they feel about you is irrelevant. i just really don't see how that fits in early on when you just want to get to know each other better. like if you ask if she has any preferences or ask for input, in her mind i imagine her say 'oh, so you're indecisive?' could some one give an example of what a good leader is and what a bad leader is when talking about this? it seems like a buzzword people just like to use, but i don't know what they mean by it. or that my definition of leader is different from theirs. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 31 Mar, 2010 07:19 AM Good question, Remp. I was a bit disturbed by your earlier answer, but didn't quite know how to respond. A good leader leads by example. A good leader also takes responsibility for the well-being of others. A good leader is capable of making decisions, but is willing to allow others to have input that affects his decision; he would also be willing to let a more qualified person make a particular decision. A good leader is willing to work hard to make things happen. A bad leader would "lay down the law." A bad leader would demand that something be done his way or else. A bad leader would never allow someone else to make a decision or have a say in making a decision. A bad leader would expect everyone else to work hard to achieve his own plans, but would never (or rarely) lift a finger to help. Did that help any? I do think that perhaps my idea of a leader is different from some other ideas. Post Reply
View Profile History	Leadership Posted : 31 Mar, 2010 11:42 AM what did you find disturbing about it? now i'm not certain of anything. i was being really objective and kinda splitting hairs there. to clarify i was trying to say that i think two leaders can co-exist together. even if there is one that is ultimately in charge everyone else can step up and be a leader and contribute (like startrek). also i really was talking about ANY relationship (romantic, family, friends, work, etc.). Post Reply

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