Hello to all who read this my 1st post on this forum. I have been on this God given site for about 5 months now searching and seeking to find my future lady, my best friend and my wife to be. At first I was not comfortable posting my picture here but when I wasn't get any good responses I posted one. I have sent invitation to over 20 women between the ages of 30 to 42. All the messages I sent got read, about 50% of the ladies never replied me, 35% replied that we don't make a match, 5% who replied to start a date with me were Philipinas, and 10% happened to be scammers whose profiles were deleted by the time I detected their true nature. I am 47 years but I look much younger, may be 12 years younger. According to the profiles of the ladies who rejects me, I believe I'm a match for them unless race plays a role. Most of the black ladies I contacted are either looking for a 6 footer or a handsome man, one lady told me that I am too small in stature. As Christaians I thought we should have the mind of Chris, because, "Man looks at the physical appearance but God looks at the heart" I Samuel 16:7. Most of those who rejected me are caucasians. As a Pastor I thought that at a Christian dating site, I will not be disappointing to find a woman who would like to join with me in doing the work of the Lord. I need anwers and please be sincere with your input. God bless and Merry Chritmas.
ok lets take a look at you here.. youve been here for 5 months... thats a long time.. and lets see ,youve only sent invitations to a little over 20 ladies.. i hope you mean you sent them emails and not winks.. emails are good, winks not so good..
what i see here is you are writing less that a email a week to someone you are interisted in.. and then waiting about another week before you decide theyre not gonna write you back so you then write another one you might be interisted in..
unless youre one lucky man ,youre not puttin in near enuff work here.. you got to work it to get results..even to expect results.. what are the odds of that one person per week you choose to write to bein that one in a million, thats gonna prefer to get to know you over everybody else ? hehe
not too good of odds id say.. heres my suggestion.. write 20 a day for 5 days.. and out of that 100 emails your law of averages is maybe youll hear back once from 4 or 5 in a possitive manner.. now after that 4 or 5 you write back to, you may get 1 to 2 to write you back a second email.. and out of that 1 or 2 you write back to the 3rd time or maybe even takes you to the 4th time youll prolly know by then which one is interisted in continueing with you and which one you are interisted in getting to know more..
then you stick with that one till you see what happens..
if you or her eithe rone figures out youre not what the other wants then you gotta go start back all over again..
but it does take lots and lots of work if you want it to succeed for you.. and it does work.. but it normally aint gonna be handed to ya on a silver platter..
what happened to the phillipino lady who was interisted in you?
you say the black ladies said they was lookin for a taller man or handsome man? dont sell yourself short there.. youre a tall enuff man.. and you aint hard to look at either . and you dress sharp.. a sharp dressed man.. youre a pastor..
then you say most of the ladies were white ladies. you also make the statement that race may be playin a role here as well.
my first thoughts was what made you say that? did they say something to you to believe that was the case with them?
now you very well could be right on about it.. thats true.. but i also figure it could just be preference.. same as it was for the black ladies.. cause ill tell you right now you got preferences , i got preferences, we all got preferences..
i mean less someone said summin to you to make you think that way ,id not think that way myself..
lets say for example i had wrote a few white women and they had told me i was too something or other for their taste..
and then i wrote to a few black ladies and they rejected me too..
would i go oh my they may be racist...
nawwww hehe id just go hey they wasnt interisted in me now let me go find someone who is.. and id write to whoever i was interisted in no matter the race.. you know what i mean..
keep searchin , and work hard at it and you should begin to see some results.. but it does take lots of work.. i wish you the best in your search..
Merry Christmas Brother, and Welcome to the Forums!
I am so glad you stopped here as this is a good place to get to know people. Personally, I am much more trusting of people I get to know on the forums than I am of others that contact me cold calling on a profile that is often vague and I know little about them.
The forums are a good way to show people your heart. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it is not. Black hearts tend to show as quickly as a pure heart, but as you most more and more, it speaks to the truth of who you are, and I think that is something important to women and maybe to men too, as there are so many scammers out there these days.
I think you have to develop a thick skin on any site for people find it much easier to be rude, forward, or even to just flat out lie when they are keyboarding as opposed to being face to face with someone. Because deceptive people like that are rampant on all sites, this one no exception, often people find ways to protect themselves. Like me, I love the fellowship, but I won't get personally involved with someone that is not close enough to meet in person. I mean really, what is the point? The hope of marriage has a lot to consider, too much to have a barrier like substantial distance in the way
Frankly I will admit, I am a tall woman, and I am comfortable with someone being at least my height, but that is a preference and not a requirement. My ex-husband is four inches shorter than I am.
I have stopped looking at this site as a place to find that special someone and more as a place to meet new friends and enjoy the fellowship they have to offer. Try looking at it that way, and you might be surprised as people here on the forum get to know you, you will make a lot of new friends and when that happens, you never know what might develop. It is also a good way to find someone that you actually LIKE who they are as a person, giving you so much more to proceed forward with if you find there is someone you are interested in.
Few scammers frequent the forums. Most of them are really not that good at communicating, and most of them don't have real opinions on faith, they only have canned statements like they love Jesus and feel just like you do, and they let you tell them how you feel and just agree.
Here on the forum you will find real people with real walks in Christ, some you will like and others may frustrate you, but you get to see all that develop and grow in other and in yourself as we all interact as brothers and sisters in Christ.
So please, do not be a stranger to the forums, for we would all love to see you post more and we can't wait to get to know you as we know you will have much to offer, and we all grow together as we lift each other up.
So have a Blessed Christmas, my Brother and resolve to get to know us all better in the New Year by sharing yourself with us.
Welcome. Don't give up. Hang around the forums abit. Offer contribution to discussions, and things will change, I guarantee you. A picture won't do it alone. A "wink" received or sent might offend, so as the others have said, a message from you will probably have more impact.
The forums will help you learn new things about yourself too so look at this online community as not only a way to "date" or find a life partner, but as an opportunity for God to use you here, and just be available for however God chooses to do that. You be the same "you" in Christ, and God will work it for the His good and one day grant you the desires of your heart. It might not be the package of your dreams, but it very well will be the best from God. Sometimes you gotta wait a bit.
Look at it another way too. All this waiting you're doing. Well, God probably has a -knock of a woman-, "just" for you, and if you ain't ready to be that best 'God's man', you wont' be able to handle her or keep up with her, or even lead her the way you should. So take note, observe others here, and offer the God in you to us.
Well...all I know is that I had the same problems. Honestly, I didn't try emailing a lot of women on this site after the first month or so. Maybe...3 of the women I emailed returned my email. So I decided to survive off of the women that contacted me. Found someone(or someone found me) that matches me in almost every way that matters. So...'bout the only advice I can offer you is "Wait on God". Sure, you can go ahead and send your emails out there, but if you don't get any replies from that woman then let it go. I do believe God has a plan for all of us. He knows where your future wife is...if you have one. As far as preferences go...some women like tall men. Some women like bald men(YES!! Whew...). Some women like you. If a women has a preference requirement that you don't like...don't get married:goofball:. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but it's their preference. Would you really want to be married to a woman that wished you were taller? Anyway...I'm too tired to write all this stuff again, so I'm going to pull a "Manofgod" and paste it...
Do you prejudge people online? I do :-(
Posted : 21 Dec, 2009 11:08 AM
I still think when you're looking for a potential marriage partner...preferences are just about everything, aside from the default "relationship with God". You do not have to marry people. If you can handle it, it's better NOT to get married at all. Judging a person, and judging someone you want to live with for the rest of your life are completely separate. Everyone has different tastes, and I'm pretty sure we're all "guilty" of judging on some level. You're even judging people when you say they are judging people. It's a dating site...and I don't think we're supposed to marry the first person that sends us a message...so...how do you tell if you're going to like them? By judging them. Not their motives, not their relationship with God...their compatibility to you and what you're looking for. Now...if God calls you up and says "marry the first person that emails you", then you probably should...but otherwise...use your discernment.
Outward looking in
Posted : 15 Dec, 2009 08:44 AM
I just think this argument is a little like chasing your tail. Possibly a "chicken or the egg" scenario. Is it a woman's envy because she lacks what someone else was born with, or is it a man's unsatisfaction that drives women to make themselves prettier? Personally, I see both. I think it's pretty safe to say that the blame can be spread around very evenly. As for who started it...I think we forget who's behind all this sometimes. I don't think men started it, I don't think women started it. Who's sin was greater in the Garden of Eden? Eve's? Adam's? Nope. Satan's. We should blame the source, and forgive the twisted human nature. BOTH men and women treat beautiful people with higher regard, and that's wrong. BOTH men and women put pressure on the opposite sex about shallow stuff...also wrong. On the other hand...God created beauty. God created people to appreciate beauty. BUT that was supposed to be in a place where everything and everyone was beautiful. Satan has manipulated and degenerated our race and our world to incite more sinful behavior. As Christians we need to fight it all the way. Everyone should have a chance to be equal and beautiful to a christian, because we are supposed to look at the inward.
:stop::stop:However! Marriage is another matter. You do not need to be married to a person to love them like Christ does. Have to remember...marriage is NOT something that draws us closer to God. It can, but Paul says that unmarried people serve God better. So what would be the reasons for getting married? There's only a few reasons I can think of...
To have someone to help you survive this world. A "helpmate".
To procreate. Although I think people nowadays should mercifully consider adoption over procreation.
To control the passions. If you treat marriage like you should, lust should no longer be a problem for either party.
In fact, if you have no problems controlling your passions, don't get married. I know people like to say that it should only be a Christ-like character that qualifies someone to be a marriage partner, but I don't believe that is true. If that's the extent of your relationship with someone, then just call them a brother/sister and focus on staying married to Christ. 1 Corinthians 7:32-36. Character and personality are the most important thing in a potential marriage partner, but I think there needs to be a small amount of physical attraction as well. If you're in love with their character, and satisfied with their appearance, then that's the kind of person God wants you to marry. If you feel like you've found a person who's character outshines any outward beauty that may have attracted you, grab'em. Shouldn't matter what they look like, but I believe marriage partners should at least be satisfied with the outward appearance to guard against lust.
Thanks my brother for the compliments, your unbiased anwer and advice. I will put more into my search as suggested. I'm still communicating with the Philipina lady but we have sttled to remain pen pals and not lovers. I would rather want to meet someone in USA or Canada so that meeting physically would not be blocked by issues of Visa because of past experience.
Wow, you have a heart of gold and you've put a smile in my face Tarasye, may God bless you for lifting me up. I will get more involved at the forum because you are right,pretenders and scammers will not waste their time here, but rather faithful ones will love the fellowship.
Thanks Gracemae, I like what you have said and I will hang around and offer my best to this forum. As He loves a cheerful giver I will give my best cheerfully to help advance this forum a step forward.
