I have given much prayer and thought to this over the past 2 years of my life, and I mean much. :) I knew in my heart at a much younger age that I wanted to be a husband and a father, and a good one at that. My parents were exceptionally good examples of love, leadership, and loyalty, so they inspired me to want to carry on certain values they aspired to. My Dad departed from this life kind of early at the age of 49, and my mom who is now 65 as of 11/15 remains single and widowed. But what they shared will always be something special for my heart to behold.
Anyway, God's vision for marriage, my faith and heart are fully convicted on. Obviously, I won't know how this will play out in real life until that time comes, but God has been preparing me for a Christ-centered marriage. I'm excited.
1- It is not good for man to be alone. (Genesis 2:18)
2- Blessed is the man that finds a wife. (Pr. 18:22)
3- It is better to marry than burn with passion. ( 1 Cor. 7:9)
4- The marriage bed is to remain udefiled, and reserved only for my spouse. ( Hebrews 13:4)
5- The husband is to be the leader. (Eph. 5:23)
6- The husband must learn to love his wife as Christ does the church. ( Eph. 5:28)
7- The husband must love his wife as much as he does his own body. (Eph. 5:28-29)
8- The wife must learn to submit to her husband, but not in an inhumane , humiliating, controlling, or dogmatic kind of way. (Eph. 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1)
9- Both the husband and wife must understand the biblical roles for a blessed and healthy, Holy Spirit filled marriage relationship. (1 Cor. 7:3-5)
10- The "love" Chapter in 1 Cor. 13 is the standard for giving and receiving love.
Marriage standards to me seem like they're set in stone. Once married, loyalty above ALL else reigns supreme. Marriage symbolizes the imaginary glue that sticks together both spiritual significant others indefinitely and forever.
However, even though these versus are in the bible, I can't help but feel uncomfortable and honestly disgusted with them:
Ephesians 23. For the husband is the head of the wife...
First Corinthians 11:3. Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, The wife must learn to submit to her husband..
Please do feel free to call me out on this and tell me my opinion is wrong, but I just have never been able to convince myself that a woman's place is in a man's world. I just can't. I stubbornly believe that a man and a woman should be treated as -complete- EQUALS. If the woman should submit to the man, then the man should submit to the woman as well.
Now I'm not meaning to insinuate that a woman is in the wrong by submitting to their significant other, I personally just would never want a woman to 'submit' to me. It just seems.. wrong, willing or not.
Sadly I'm a bit unprepared. I know there's a verse from the Bible that treats both sexes equally in good context, but I can't seem to locate it. Instead I'll close by using a verse from Genesis:
Genesis 1:27.
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
I like to believe that by 'man,' this is referred to as the human race, thus male and female are treated equally in this respect. But that's all out of me; thanks for any attention good or bad!
Hey Ice, I understand what you are saying cuz as a woman, I used to feel that way too, until I came to understand exactly what those verses meant. It is actually explained very well in something called "The Truth Project" if you ever get an opportunity to take that video seminar. The creators of the Truth Project have a new program coming out in the next few months called "Cross Connection" I can't wait, I think it will be fascinating.
But back to the point of submission to authority, for that is really what its all about. We all have authority that we need to submit unto: work, the law, the Word. When the Lord says that wives are to submit unto their husbands, this is not unlike the Holy Spirit submits authority unto the Lord Jesus Christ, who in turn submits authority unto the Father Almighty. They are one triune Godhead, three in one. Just as when families are created, children submit to their parent, wives submit to their husbands in the same triune fashion. When a marriage occurs, two become one, just as when God created Jesus and then sent the Holy Spirit, He became three in one.
We are told to submit unto our husbands, but men are also told to LOVE their wives as Christ Loves the Church. If a man truly loves his wife in this way, he would always consult her wise counsel as a help mate and would not do something that would hurt her for he is to love her more than he loves himself. If a woman loves and honors her husband, submitting to his authority for the good of the family should not be a difficult thing.
In many ways I think men bare far more responsibility in this than the women, for men are to make wise decisions for the good of their families, and if they are making foolish or selfish decisions, they will be held accountable for not only the decision, but the impact it has on the family as well.
It is not meant to be a chore. It is meant to work together the way our body works together. Can you imagine if the right hand and the left hand were at war with one another? and what of the legs and feet? What if none of them submitted unto the authority of the brain? Such issues would be considered "handicapped or special needs" for perfect coordination is like a symphony, and lack of it is like a train wreck.
Sometimes I think the hardest thing to accomplish anymore is the trust it takes to fulfill these roles, for most of us have not found this type of thing in past relationships.
I know its not a perfect world, but to my understanding, that is the way it is designed to work, which is a lot less scary than someone screaming "YOU WILL OBEY ME!!!"
Look for Cross Connection though Ice, I think you will enjoy it.
As usual I am in accord with The Sage One. Very good points. I would like to add one more aspect of being the "head" of the family.
An Officer learns quicky that when he is placed at the "head" of his unit -- he takes on a great responsiblity. He is responsible for the well being of every man and woman under his charge. An awesome charge. His every decision has to be in accordance with the "Rules and Regulations" of the Army, just as a husband has to be in line with God's Commandments and His Word.
Failure to do so could lead to loss of life for that officer and loss of his command.
Failure for the husband to do so may and uasually does lesd to failure of his marriage.
Being the "Head" does not mean being a Dictator or leaving your wife out of the decision making process, but rather it means being a servant to the marriage...a servant to your wife. By doing so... you end up with both spouses serving each other and the husband assuming responsiblity for the direction...protection and stability oif the marriage.
So Ice...I see where you are coming from and it is commendable that you want to treat women as equals (which they are), yet a woman submitting to a man does not mean she is being usurped of any rights she has been given by God. On the contary...it is a decision she makes of her own free will and it is a testament to the Faith and Trust she feels and believes and places in you and usually it is a relief that with her many other duties and resposibilities...you are willing to take on a very big one.
So... my friend...prepare yourself...continue to be as sympathetic as you are and be ready for the awesome feeling of having someone as "powerful" as a woman surrender themselves to your protection and be very careful to never..ever...let her down.
(Ed. Note) (and as a disclaimer to the women out there who don't need a man and would never submit or "surrender" to a man...that's cool too...please don't sue!).
This is one of those times when I spoke before I thought very much about what I'd said. Normally I can control my opinions and if not research enough to state something unbiasedly, then atleast just keep the opinion to myself altogether. But this was a case when I did neither, I just kind of spoke my mind as evident to me not having the patience to find the Bible verse that specifically describes man being an equal with a woman. So I apologize to cattleman if I offended in any way.
With that being said, I'm not saying a verse from the Bible disgusts me. It hurts to think that I may have said such a thing. Rather, the thought of a woman having to submit to me with body, mind, and soul does. I think Archimedes understands -EXACTLY- where I'm coming from, and his insight helped tremendously.
One other thing-- I dislike the thought of religion having to adapt to me. Rather, I'm the one that should adapt to religion. At the same time.. rather than viewing a married man and woman as a hierarchy, I'd rather view it as a single unit. God willing, I still have time to learn and mold myself to adapt more to God's word, so it's exciting to anticipate how my thoughts about this will shape in the future.
Thanks for the nudge in the right direction, Tarasye! I'll be sure to check them out if I ever get in the right mood. =D
Marraige standards. Well, I believe what the bible says. Through the years God has blessed me with work and the ability to take care of myself and the home he afforded me with, I�ve been in a place of total independence since I was seventeen. BUT, from my first marriage (now divorced) I don't think that I esteemed God's word or implemented total obedience to His word the way I should have. Neither did my husband. I know I didn't. Thus the marraige failed. My whole meeting of my spouse back then, was so totally outside of God's order, and the whole evolvement up to and through marraige was not in line with God's Word. We called ourselves Christians, but we didn't serve him in anyway then, nor hold the Word to the highest authority in terms of "two becoming one". Pretty much just taking parts of the word independently that we liked and implementing what felt right to each of us, trying to make the other abide with it. (Yet not applying God's whole word in our lives) That was dangerous. That resulted for the most part in divorce.
Having said that, I understand now, because I have grown spiritually and become foundationally stronger with walking in the word-- that there is a certain order for marriage that I plan to adher to. I already tried doing things my way, and that didn't work. So, now, I am willing to yield to the word and let God be God as I walk in blind faith waiting on who He's going to send my way.
Scripture says so many things as Eternal Hope stated. Tarasye made very raw and true points about submission to authority.
Christ being the head has to already be happening for both of us independently of one another�before we even meet. Then I can love him as Christ loves the church, and he can love me as Christ loves the church. Through problems and all! No matter what.
I am ready to do that. I realize that the man will not be perfect, or have a perfect job, or make more money than I, or be even where I may be spiritually, but then I�m expecting and in anticipation all the time that God �knows me�. He knows my makeup, what I want in a man, what I don�t want, and what HE (God) wants for me. Again, I think I posted somewhere else that God knows my desires, and my needs, so my standards might not be His. He tells us that he is able to do exceedingly more abundantly than I could ever ask or think. I believe that.
God knows I need a Godly man and a leader, someone I can respect and willing to allow him to lead me. God knows what that looks like for me, I don't.
