Author	Thread: A question of love and ability...
Admin	A question of love and ability... Posted : 23 Apr, 2020 09:25 PM Hello ladies. I come to you all with a question that is not intended to make anyone feel bad, but that the answer would give me a better idea of how realistic it is that I will find love again. I married my first girlfriend from high school. 25 years together, 22 of which we were married. 4 children together. We were Christians before we met. 5 years ago I had a spinal injury that left me partially paralyzed from the waist down. I have slowly been healing and may even one day be 100% or very close. Until then I’ll use a wheelchair to get around as I cannot walk yet, though I do short distances with a walker. Well I found out last year that my wife had a year and a half long affair. Now I find myself at 41 having had exactly 1 girlfriend/spouse/partner in my entire life. Women have proven to become immediately uninterested when they find out I am in a chair. I am only limited by walking, not in any other capacity. They say they like me and find me attractive before finding out about the chair, but lose interest as soon as they learn about it. So now I don’t know whether to be so upfront about it that I never get a chance for a woman to get a chance to know me, or get to know each other first and then talk about it when the subject naturally presents itself the time to do so? Do I just have to accept that I am doomed to a significantly less chance of finding love because my chair limits me for now and maybe for always? Feel free to ask any questions you want, I’m an open book and very honest about everything. Thanks for your time! Post Reply
View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 24 Apr, 2020 11:38 AM 22 views, not one reply? Come on ladies, please don’t be shy! Post Reply
Jayzeee View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 24 Apr, 2020 02:54 PM I think its probably best to be upfront about it. You could mention in your profile that you're a wheelchair user, and hopefully avoid further experiences like the ones mentioned..:-) Post Reply
View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 24 Apr, 2020 06:13 PM Yeah, I agree. You have to be upfront about your situation. Put it in your profile so that women won't be surprised. This is online dating and a lot of women are here to find their significant other. Communicating with others takes a lot of time. It would be a blow on them to invest time in a relationship on which they're not ready for the responsibilities that it entails. They would probably feel betrayed. They have expectations and things that they would like to do with their respective partners. Your limitation might not allow that. On the other hand, if you show the world that you're optimistic, you can support yourself and can do things on your own without having to bother anyone, you can very well still attract women. It's better to start as friends with no expectations. Should it develop into something special then well and good. Post Reply
T0TH3M4X View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 24 Apr, 2020 06:36 PM Just be up front and focus what you can do instead of what you can't. We all have limitations, but we can all shine. If someone's bothered by a wheelchair, they're going to be even more bothered if they find out later and that it was kept from them. Lots of people out there in wheelchairs who have relationships. Sometimes people even end up in wheelchairs after they're married, and they have a spouse who is supportive. Best wishes. Post Reply
View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 24 Apr, 2020 09:56 PM Thank you for your responses. I will take your responses to heart. Upfront definitely feels the right thing to do, I just hate that it’s even an issue, but I do understand why. Thanks for taking the time to respond.God bless! Post Reply
T0TH3M4X View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 25 Apr, 2020 09:21 AM Some of the most amazing people are in wheelchairs, and have found ways to move mountains. For example, Joni Eareckson Tada. Was a successful athlete, then suddenly was paralyzed and in a wheelchair, but she still had her voice and uses it today to share the Gospel. Sometimes what we believe is a limitation at first may actually be a blessing. Post Reply
Moonlight7 View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 25 Apr, 2020 09:22 AM Be honest when answering questions from a woman. If find most men I talk to volunteer information, some I don't ask for . I'm not interested in in knowing anything much. Especially if I'm not attracted to the man enough to meet in person. I know that Right away. Post Reply
Kai4 View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 25 Apr, 2020 08:10 PM I actually disagree with everyone else. I have friends who are disabled, and I think it's prejudicial to tell someone that they have to proclaim it right away like it's some kind of disclaimer. If you want, go ahead and let people get to know other things about you first, and then let it come up naturally. Post Reply
View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 26 Apr, 2020 09:49 PM Interesting. I didn’t expect to see an opposing comment to be honest. I agree that it shouldn’t matter because I am not different as far as who I am as a person. I do understand about people, women particular in my situation, not “wasting their time” investing energy and time getting to know me and then find out and not want any part of it. It hurts, but it is what it is. At the end of the day I just don’t ever want anyone to feel I’ve been dishonest about anything, and if not being upfront about it would do that, then it’s probably best to talk about it upfront. I have already spoken to quite a few women here and other places and everything is going great until they find out. Since changing my profile description I’ve had no communication other than a couple of encouraging messages from people who I assume read this thread. It is what it is, all I can do is pray that the Father brings the right woman at the right time. It’s in His hands 🙏🏻 Post Reply
T0TH3M4X View Profile History	A question of love and ability... Posted : 3 May, 2020 05:18 PM Just be you. If that's not good enough for someone, then find someone else. We all have limitations and things we're good at. Don't let anybody convince you that you're not good enough, because you are, and you'll find someone. Post Reply

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