Can you clear the dust when disappointed yourself?
Posted : 28 Jan, 2015 01:59 AM
Have you ever found yourself having to explain to people what you also don't understand, let alone being disappointed yourself?
I hope this short summery will make a little sense somehow.
There's this guy who shows you that he likes you but there's nothing confirmed verbally other than body language and him sort of securering his territory so to speak when other guys are around you. He calls often and ask you out sometimes, so now fellows who know you both get to see you in public together either at the movies or in restaurants. You don't really know what's happening and you don't ask but just enjoying the attention given you.
To your surprise you one day get a phone call from his mother, (whom you haven't met) panicking and wondering if you know where his son would be. He disappeared for days so they are wondering if his with you maybe? Other than a shock of his mother having your contact number, you now start worrying too if his ok and where could he be. Few months later (continuation of another episode) he calls you crying, only to inform you that his mother has just past on. He kindly asks you to come to his mother's place if you can, for you one of few people whom he prefers being around with at this moment. Now this communicates volumes in you regarding your unism as you quickly drop everything and rush to see him.
Further surprise when you get there, you're this person every one knew about in his family. It was only a question of time before they finally meet you (This is not said verbally, it's just in the atmosphere as you being introduced). Now through out this week as you're being seen more with him with the funeral arrangements, you know in your heart that people perceive you guys as a couple. You start experiencing a cold shoulder and arrogance from ladies you least expected this from. It's as if you ladies are kinda fighting for him yet you don't communicate this to his especially with the funeral ups and downs.
(Continuation of another episode) You hear shocking rumours that his getting married to someone else... A person you don't even know. As amazed as you are and can't make sense of all this, people want to know what really happened with you guys cause you seemed like a happy couple not long ago.
How do you explain all this and suppress the shock of having to hear this from them, especially since there's really nothing to explain inspite of weather you came across as a couple in public or not. This was left un-com firmed between you guys, the last time you checked you were waiting for him to say something and enjoying the attention while waiting, only to hear that from people.
How do you clear the dust... With him all silent on you?
Can you clear the dust when disappointed yourself?
Posted : 28 Jan, 2015 05:20 PM
Im sorry that you experienced this sister. I pray that God comforts you and gives you understanding about your heart.
You can clear the dust by accepting responsibility for the situation. We cannot control how others live or act but we sure can control how we react and how our part in the scenario plays out. I dont mean this to sound mean. If it does please forgive me. I dont mean it that way.
As followers of Christ we have to let Gods word lead us in all wisdom. Gods wisdom is using good judgement > vs > our wisdom leads to destruction.
God tells us our hearts are deceitful(will deceive us) and that how should we expect to understand them. What seems right to us is not necessarily right to God. Thats why we should always be prayerfully asking God to show us the nature of our hearts. We dont know our hearts/emotions like God does. Ive learned to ask God to show me what is really in my heart. I have learned to ask God to show me my true hidden motives and how I really feel about things.
I hope that I dont come across as trite because this involves your tender heart but when we put ourselves in an "assuming" position; we lose. We simply cannot afford to let our heart veer us wrong! Our trials and tribulations mold us and make us who we are. Its wise to always lean on Gods wisdom so that we dont end up 20 yrs later with so many more battle wounds than we may have had if only we had clung to Gods wisdom. Faith is a verb. Its in motion. We have to exercise our faith in all lifes amazing situations! Praise God!
It seems to me that you allowed yourself to be lead to believe he was interested but yet you never ever sat him down and defined the terms. Was his attention towards you just a friendship in his mind ? Seems like it played out that way doesnt it?
I dont claim to know it all because God has taught me that if I think that way I might as well accept my pride and haughtiness. I dont want to be in that position. God knows best . But my past life experiences have much value! I have the battle wounds to prove it! I learned the hard way because I wasnt fully surrendered to Christ.
I know without any doubt that assuming anything leads to trouble. Someone is going to get hurt if not all parties involved. You are a precious daughter of Christ. God wants you to let him lead in all things.
Gods word is to be applied in our every days lives in a practical way .
The Holy Spirit in us is our helper and guide. Hes waiting to help. All you have to do is ask and then wait.
It is our way of life! God says that wisdom comes from him and him only. Life has a way of teaching us lessons. You are far too precious to be lead by a string of false hope ever again. Weigh it out wisely and according to Gods word; take the bull by the horns and allow a man to answer your direct questions about his intentions..
Ask God to reveal every single man whom may show interest in you. Let that prayer be the first you pray! This is an amazing prayer because without fail God has answered me!
My prayer is answered by what a man says usually. He will immediately spill whats really in his heart and it saves alot of time! Or God will give me knowledge of a particular question to ask and that usually unearths something that otherwise may have stayed hidden for a long time. God is interested in your well being. He doesnt want you wasting time on men that are not right for you nor worthy of you.
Men usually will not verbally express things as we women do so we cant expect them to. Direct questions are always best with guys. Older wise men have expressed that we women a man to read our minds! lol....They just dont think like we do.
Discernment is necessary in a maturing christians life. Its a skill that we put into action and with time we get better at it. Practice discerning situations and let the Holy Spirit guide you in what is really going on with a person,place,situation in life.
You cannot be effective in life and as a soldier for Christ unless you perfect your discernment skills. Remember to DAILY put on the full armor;eph 6, we are indeed in a spiritual battle daily.
Hold your head up high for you are an heir to Gods thrown! Walk in authority and gentleness but always walk by Gods wisdom :)
Ive left you with a bunch of scriptures on wisdom and discernment. Im sorry if Ive rambled which I tend to do. I hope that Ive given you some sound advice to ponder. May Gods grace always abide in you Sisy!
Philippians 1:9-11
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ�to the glory and praise of God.
Psalm 119:104
I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.
Psalm 119:125
I am your servant; give me discernment that I may understand your statutes.
Proverbs 1:5
let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance-
Proverbs 3:13
Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding,
Proverbs 3:21
My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight;
Proverbs 8:5
You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, gain understanding.
Proverbs 10:13
Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks judgment.
Proverbs 15:14
The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.
Proverbs 15:32
He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.
Proverbs 16:21
The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.
Proverbs 17:10
A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool.
Proverbs 17:24
A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth.
Proverbs 18:15
The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.
Proverbs 28:11
A rich man may be wise in his own eyes, but a poor man who has discernment sees through him.
Hosea 14:9
Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.
Can you clear the dust when disappointed yourself?
Posted : 31 Jan, 2015 11:41 AM
Blessed are you PoiseNGrace for observing and making most of an opportunity to minister to me and thanks giving for time invested in typing such a heartfelt reply! And no dear one you didn't sound 'mean' at all, but rather meant well in all shared!
Yes God wasn't involved yet unless the other part has in his privacy. With me there was nothing solid just yet to present to God neither were there much expectations from this. Being disappointed wasn't triggered by the expectation that wasn't met but rather by reflecting and painting a certain image in my mind and doing the total opposite of what was reflected. I may not be that clued up about relationships' and how they work, but I doubt that a man can behave in a manner that sort of secures his territory from other guys and one minute be committed to somebody else. This questions so much in me.
* First of all: How do you entrust one with your most vulnerable moment and let yourself be seen falling apart, melting in broken heart at your mother's death and after this intimate moment you keep the very person from parting in good news of become 'one' with your found mate? This would have cleared things up and maybe yes, would have called for a deeper conversation as one question would have followed after the other but the main intention of the conversation would have been served, which is clarity without time wasted!
I should have taken responsibility earlier instead of being silence. Reason I was silent is cause I didn't wanna be ahead of him since I didn't have any expectations any way plus I'm always in a driving seat with matters of my life. I wanted to just chill for a change and let a man be in charge. Had I questioned things in earlier, there wouldn't have been a single date cause I usually dismiss anything that has a potential of ending up in a relationship. I'm content with my space and get easily intimidated at the thought of having someone sharing my space on a personal level. Had I asked, we would have been compromised of so much! Not referring to meals shared but constructive conversations held to a point of a stronger bond that layed a ground of being invited to share in a crucial moment of his mother's death. Why would one keep that from a found partner, who'll ultimately be a wife soon? Why was the family comfortable with my presence if there's someone in the picture? All this is not making any sense
But nonetheless, may your wisdom and understanding continue to expand as you remain rooted in the depth of God's hidden reassures... That being the knowledge of His divine word. Thank you for every discernment scripture shared. I'll apply these from now moving forth... Thank you!
Can you clear the dust when disappointed yourself?
Posted : 12 Feb, 2015 10:42 PM
We come from two different cultures because we live in different places�. That said� what I understood was in privet he treated you like a friend are you sure how he treated you in public wasn�t friendship also? Usually it�s in privet a man acts like a boyfriend and when you (not you personally but you in general) go out they treat you like a friend. Going to the movies and going out to eat is an act of friendship too and if he pays he is showing his respect. If it was me I would leave at we are friends� no more no less�.. The fact he trusted you with seeing him fall apart from his mother�s death is testament to the level of friendship you have and to what a woman of G-d you are, especially the love of G-d you showed him by not judging him when he disappeared and were just there for him.
