Ladies what if you were to receive a first inbox massage containing the above qoated words from a brother whose trying to break the ice, describing himself more clearer than he did on his profile and expressing his values, his faith and what he stands up for. While doing this he permits you to either turn his request down right away or you'll most definitely fall inlove should you invest time conversing with him.
You feel undermined and want to prove that you won't fall for such a "self sufficient request" but instead you'll teach a lesson that you can write back numerous times and not even like, let alone falling inlove. But now things turn out the other way around as you like him to a point of falling inlove! As you get to know him better you realize that he meant well on his first massage, the problem is that you weren't ready to hear that from a stranger especially at first site. It was only a fair well meant warning that you misunderstood for "self sufficient request!"
How do you take him back to his first massage so you can make known of your current interest in him?
Well, well, well my sister! What a tangle web you've weaved, LOL!!!! I have to say that I'll ALWAYS be attracted to a man whose confident and assured in first who He is in The Lord and secondly who he believes he can be as a potential life mate!!! His approach, as the example you gave, would be fine as long as we both don't get caught up trying to impress one another with who can out charm the other with the " I know I'm taking a chance reaching out to you, but I might just be the love of your life" approach LOL!!!
After all is said, I'd want to begin getting to the "learning part" of ourselves sooner rather than later, finding out respectively if we really are compatible! If it was all a game for him, trying to see if I would fall for his "charm" and begin to care more than I would have thought, well that's a chance I may have to take! I'd hope though that if once there's true interest shown between us, we'd put the game playing aside and begin to explore the possibilities(smile)! Just my take sis!
It's always great hearing from you dear sis and thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! I have to agree with you when saying, �I'll ALWAYS be attracted to a man whose confident and assured in who He is..�
�His approach, as the example you gave, would be fine as long as we both don't get caught up trying to impress one another with who can out charm the other..�
That is very wise of you to be cautious of. Though let's say while you are partaking along with the intention of proving your point that you won't fall for him and being as vigilant as you are of possible games played in charming the other, you're kinda expecting him to go out of his way trying to win your heart BUT instead you realize with time that his far less interested in even bothering to dare charm you! He reflects less of his strength and dwells more on his "weaknesses" so to speak.
He expresses his fear of being abused (fore weman can be abusive too), his timidity of being attached and welcoming a lady in what he refers to as his "OFF LIMITS PERSONAL space" that being his heart, his thoughtful worries at times of committing into a relationship that may not work out, how dependant on God is he will possible signal warnings, etc
Less poems Joy,
Less heartfelt massages to soften your heart,
Less promises of what he can offer,
And less chats of his achievements and material mentioned and that is exactly what triggers your developing affection for him! It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have these things, his rather more concerned about you knowing his vulnerable side and accepting that if possible rather than presenting his strength and having you missing early days of discovering and partaking in his weaker side.
With the above added to my question would you even think that he could be leading you into a game of some sort?
(Do expect one last question please from your last paragraph. Your reply is thoughtful and interesting)
Sis, a man who can express his weakness as well as his strengths with confidence, is a man I'll invest time in getting to know!! You see in my opinion, being "vulnerable" to your emotional sides whether weak or strong, shows great character and integrity! Now when and how you chose to reveal these sides of yourself, is the tricky part, LOL! Timing is of essence!
You asked, could or would I be able to detect if in his sharing the experiences of his past failed attempts to love and have that love reciprocated, are either convincingly real or fabricated? Well that can be challenging, depending on the time I've spent communicating with him! But something you said my friend that was quite profound! Stating that, and I'm paraphrasing, "whatever the type of relationship he has with God in time being revealed, will be a sign to what may be truly going on in his life"! Excellent position and stance to take!! No matter how you cut it, his personal relationship with The Lord, if you've decided how important that is to you, will be your greatest barometer in whether you'll want to establish or/and encourage a relationship with this man!
If you chose to pursue, all gloves must come off as you dig deeper into the mindset of this person, bad or good, but only thru their relationship in and with Christ Jesus...game playing or not! The Lord thru the apostle Paul, couldn't have said it any better:
1 Corinthians 13:11--- When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
�After all is said, I'd want to begin getting to the "learning part" of ourselves sooner rather than later, finding out respectively if we really are compatible!�
While availing yourself in early day so you double check if this is really worth your time and attention invested in him, you get an invitation to humbly avail yourself for a date as he'll be preparing a meal for you. (This is not your first date inperson with him but it's surely one of the early dates).
You first pray about this ofcause and inquire from the Lord if it's safe for you to be indoors with him in his place of privacy, then you take it from there. While there with him enjoying the soft music his playing, loving the set up of his place with this appetising food smell dominating the room and arousing your hunger so much that you can't wait to taste what he prepared!:eat:
He dishes up eventually after a few drinks (could even be the alcohol free red wine that relaxes and put one's at ease) and a soft conversation that makes you laugh to tears. You enjoy your meal so much and ask if he really prepared all this? His reply is, "You're worth the effort!" With a warm smile on his face.
Few weeks latter you discover that he wasn't the one who actually cooked. He hired a cheff from a resturent to come and prepare the meal that you'll most defenately enjoy. :excited:
How will you take this sis considering it was still early days?
Do you take it as a lie cause you asked if he cooked?
Do you jokingly take it as one of those attempts of charm that was soon gonna be discovered? :ROFL:
Do you wonder if he often lied so he keeps you interested?
How will this impect the newness and continuetion of your relationship? (if I may call it a relationship already)
"You enjoyed your meal so much and asked if he really prepared all this? His reply is, "You're worth the effort..."
Honestly my friend, his response would not have led me to believe he had lied in particular because he never really answered whether he cooked the meal or not(smile)! However saying that I'm "worth the effort" tells me that whatever planning went into the preparation of this great meal, whether it was catered or cooked by him...the thought, effort and expense put into it would have helped me look past his mild indiscretion, LOL!!
His need to impress me overall, would definitely have points stacked up in his favor(smile)! I'll still say that getting to know an individual at all the different levels required at the onset of a friendship/relationship, will take a lot of give and take! There will be a lot more questions than answers, but here is where we'll have to depend on our faith in that "something or connection" where getting about this person in our spirits and whether we'll want to see this thing thru(smile)!
My question to you my sister is this...would you want to faithfully pursue a relationship with an individual like this, knowing what you now know?
�My question to you my sister is this...would you want to faithfully pursue a relationship with an individual like this, knowing what you now know?�
That's a very tough question sis! I'll try to answer you with more questions that I often find myself having during inner conversations with myself.
* How far will I go in regard with protecting my loved one from finding himself partaking in my own brokenness?
* Won't love inspire me to release him to be happier else where even when he thinks that his happy being with me?
* Wouldn't I be happier knowing that his not only happy else where but his even privileged with benefits and fruits that would have been rightfully his if he were to end up being a husband?
* Does love keep or leases if you can't offer what the other may need?
�
Maybe I would have taken advantage of being invited to a date once or twice but would soon eventually reveal my limits (what I can't offer if I were to be a wife) and release him fore why should I keep him and deprive him benefits he could have had else were on a health marriage relationship.
Wow my sis...your last response really took me aback!! Let me say this as lovingly as I can...child of God, no matter who or what we claim to be or what we want others to see us as, we have ALL or eventually will be "broken" in our hearts, body and spirits!!!!
That doesn't make us any less or more deserving of The Father's love, so why should it be any different for a mortal man, if he's honest, to allow a woman he may possibly care a great deal for in time, to see his weakness as well his strengths!! The "give and take" I mentioned in my last post here, covers a wide range in what type of sacrifices will be needed to get to the core of the true "person" of an individual! The question is are we willing to allow ourselves to dig that deep? Would we allow the superficial attitudes to run things until eventually the truth will have to reveal itself?
Will our love for Christ be what we'll depend on to be open and honest as we journey with someone thru the valleys to the mountain tops? A question that must be answered truthfully! Being insecure in who we think we are or what we can or can't contribute in a relationship, will make it very difficult to trust and expect God to give us His best! It may be right in front of us, yet we've missed it because of pre-conceived notions of ourselves! Just expressing my heart sis!
I'm encountering a spiritual season of brokenness that striped me everything I though I had and left me with nothing but fragment of broken heart to work on collecting and submit to God for restoration! I couldn't help it but to ask God aggressively why would He claim to love me and yet lead me to such horror? These are times were the word "love" missed it's impact along with it's meaning! I started searching what does it really mean being called "beloved". Clearly it's gonna be a lifetime search cause there's weigh more to learn and discover if I'm to keep the search rooted on the source of love Himself (God).
Calling one "beloved" is quite a claim Joy if one is to be clued-up of what the word contains in depth! One of the few factors I've discovered about love is being willing to sacrifices and release. Heavens released and sacrificed it's very treasure, Christ! The sacrifice was in the same basket with it's condition. You cannot select one benefit and neglect the other, it's all or nothing! In asmuch as God so loved the world (every human kind unconditionally) He layed bear His condition for acceptance, �No one comes to the Father except through Christ!�
Can love be learned somewhere else other than from the source it self? Since God has sacrificed His treasure with a condition, what does this say about human kind who love conditionally let alone stating conditions of acceptance too? I think it's a question of calculating the WORTH versus KEEPING. If I love unselfishly and thoughtfully, is it worth keeping him if sacrificing him means the very happiness that he'll be enjoying with someone else?
Unfortunately dear sis there's much to consider in regard to your partners happiness especially if this will really be a life time experience. To a certain extend it may be necessarily to release for the sake of the other ones' happiness.
It boils down to openness and honesty when having this conversation.
My sister and friend, in my spirit and in my heart, I'm sensing that we need to fellowship beyond CDFF parameters!! If this is acceptable to you, please contact me by all means!! If you need my contact info again, please let me know.
I'll await your response. Be blessed and always kept in Him!
