I started dating at age 30 (I am 33 now), and I have been on 6 first dates so far. I am learning slowly. I have two QUESTIONS for those of you who have already been in a relationship:
1) HOW MUCH TIME does it require? How much time does a relationship take away from your daily schedule? How much time do you spend talking, writing, and just being together when you're in a relationship? (And I am talking about a relationship, not marriage.) If you were not in a relationship, how much extra time would that give you? I think the answer might vary for each person and each relationship, but I am curious. Does it take 2 minutes a day? 10 minutes? 2 hours? 6 hours? I have no idea.
And my second question is WHAT DO YOU DO? Let's say that a relationship takes up half of your day. What do you do during that time? When I was 10 years old, I climbed up on the roof of our garage, and I was thinking and daydreaming about what it would be like to be married. What would I do if I was married? And I was surprised that I didnt' have a clue! I thought to myself, "ok. in the morning we would eat cereal. Then we would go outside and play. And then what?" I had no idea what we would do. Doesn't it get annoying after awhile, spending so much time together?
Depends on a number of factors such as work and any groups im a member of , now im a member of 8 groups 4 Brass Bands two groups we dress in olden days i help / work at our Museum,
i m incharge of all buildings 14 of , its well over a Million $ complex and have others work with myself ,
a member of our Scottish soc and on 3 commitees,
Im retired so how much time would i spend with some one who i would like to get to know as much time as it takes, im very motivated so would fit those importaint details into my life as needed, yes im busy and i enjoy what i do,
i still have time to just take time out and do other things ,
I doubt ill be needing to worry about a friendship or needing time for one, im 67, only ever had one friendship / partner and that was for 35 years and known each other for 40 years, and though we are not to gether we still have a friendship and see each other from time to time, as Jos has remarried
,Put my name on the net youll see some of my profile its there for all to see,
Early in a dating relationship, a date a week is probably appropriate (give or take ...). An additional note in between thanking her for her time and saying a little more is also appropriate. So ... an hour to a few for the date and another 30 minutes for the note. If location doesn't permit dates that frequent, perhaps a longer phone call or Skype chat in which you and she block out an hour to to talk would serve in place of some of the actual dates.
As the relationship gets closer, more time is involved. It is, after all, the time together that primarily builds that relationship and allows both of you to get to know one another. By the time you reach engagement level or close, you'll want to be in daily or nearly daily communication. It doesn't mean expensive or elaborate stuff every day. But you're going to eat lunch or dinner somewhere ... why not together? Even if it means taking your brown bags to the park at lunch time together. When meeting doesn't work, you'll want to be on the phone a little while (20-30 minutes?) each day.
Once married, you want to merge your lives as much as is practical. So some of the things you previously did separately, you simply do together. Maybe as simple as shopping for groceries, but the time to and from the store, you're together. In the evenings (or whatever counts as evening if you work a different shift), some time needs to be together doing what you both enjoy. If that's a board game or a walk down the sidewalk or a movie, make it time together. Maybe you don't like the same movies so you take turns picking ... and do your best to enjoy for the other one's sake. Movies/TV can't be your primary time together, though, if you want to strengthen the marriage. They can be a part of it, but usually very little actual communication goes on while the movie is running.
But in a sense, the answer to "how much time will it take?" is "all your time". Because you're really not living it for you nearly as much as you're living it for her by that point.
Dear bluesky, Hoosier pretty much nailed it. I would only add that all of life revolves around relationships. When you were a child, how much time did you spend with your parent(s)/guardians? How much time did you spend with your buddies? Your best friend?
Exactly how much time, and what is done in any relationship is never static. Life is always in a state of flux. Everything we do goes toward the promotion of life, or conversely, promotes death.
How much time do you spend with Jesus, seeking God? Since our primary relationship is the relationship with Christ, every other relationship spider-webs off that. You spend time with Jesus, through His Word daily, right? That is our horizontal & primary relationship. The tree portion of His cross, in typology. If that relationship is right, then all other relationships, the horizontal beam in typology, will be right, and they will be God-directed, meaning He will set the times & seasons of your life & the people in it.
In the very beginning we start slowly, just as Hoosier said. Then it goes through an intense season of getting to know one another. After the relationship has been established, things will slow down again. From there, relationships go through seasons or cycles, like anything else. The newly married look different than a couple with young children, and again things change as children grow, then leave the nest.
As for what is done - ideally the relationship is based on shared interests. The whole point is to share each others lives. There are wonderful guidelines for the mind-set to take with you into a marriage in the scriptures. Ephesians, Timothy & Peter - these epistles are rich. Also, Proverbs describes the journey of a young man (also applies to women) as he matures and ventures forth on his own.
So don't try to figure it out in advance. God grants us grace, mercy & wisdom as needed, never before. Keep God first, pray, worship & study the Word together & the rest will be handled by God, as He wills!
