Author	Thread: Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially?
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 11 Aug, 2014 06:01 PM You started corresponding with two wonderful brothers in Christ. One has made his intentions perfectly clear and wants you to commit only to chatting with him, until you both meet in person. The situation though is this.....this brother was honest from the start, stating that he has a 3 year time frame as to when he would able to be in a better financial position to support a wife and family. But the reality is, you are very attracted to his love for God and ministry, his wit, charm and infectious smile! Now the second brother.....God fearing, ministry minded, intelligent, educated, witty and self made financially, knows about the first brother but has resolved to woe you, despite the competition! His philosophy is, "who God has for him, is for him!" You honestly enjoy your conversations with him and hey, what women doesn't want security, though not the main focus in finding God's best! Would you honor the first brothers request, corresponding only with him and if you did how and what would you say to the other brother? Just asking..... Post Reply
View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 11 Aug, 2014 07:31 PM Wellllllllllll:excited: Hmm,since you didnt state which one is favored,Id have to put myself in a situation where both are equally favored by her. No,I would not honor the first guys request. IMHO his request was unfair and controlling. He needs to trust that God will work all things out. Besides,who wants to wait 3 yrs? We dont even have that long!!! I would let him down gently and focus on the other man. She needs to go for the second guy that is ready!! Theres nothing wrong with having money but the love of money is the root of all evil. Since I have to assume she likes them both equally then she will be very happy she didnt wait. This is also assuming that God has not said no!! A sista needs a man to stand next to ya know!!:bouncy: Blessings!!:purpleangel: Post Reply
Lukia^ View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 12 Aug, 2014 07:00 AM I think it will depend on where I am. If I have other things also that I want to accomplish,I wouldn't mind waiting for the first guy.Though i feel 3 years committing to someone you haven't met one on one is too much. If am ready to move on I will go for the second who is ready to settle. Post Reply
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 12 Aug, 2014 07:15 PM Hidden......I did neglect to add that the 1st brother was the one who was gravitated to more in interest. But the request made, got the interested party to re-think her feelings and whola here we are(smile)! I have to admit, it is rather unfair to put that type of demand on a new relationship before actually meeting. Makes one think about one's own personal priorities! Lukia.....your right, 3 years is a long time to be in a "courtship" with anybody, unless you both have issues to address and need the time. The only thing I think I would do in a situation like this is to suggest to the 1st brother if we could agree not to commit to anyone until after we meet face-to-face. To me that's a reasonable request. And if we meet and decide to commit, then it was done mutually! Thank you my sisters' for your input here.....it gives good food for thought! Post Reply
sisygirl View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 26 Aug, 2014 10:29 AM Beloved sister! :waving: I was talking to a fellow brother in Christ who's very disturbed by a high rate of divorce in churches especially in leadership. I didn't believe what I said and kept wondering what was that coming from? My statement left me feeling ashamed at how he must have taken me cause it seemed as if I'm condoning sex before marriage, which I'm totally against! I was only expressing what was on my mind at the time. What I said to him was, "My personal assumption of what contributes even more on a higher rate of divorce in churches is sex! People who are not yet saved are 'free' to live life any how, hence they partake in sexual activities when they not yet married. Whenever deciding to marry, their reasons are more valid and they are sober minded since they've been exposed to privileges reversed for married people! That marriage relationship stands to last longer cause it was never based on a rush for sex! Coming back to the church now: I'm really disturbed by what the apostle Paul said in 1 Corinth 7 when addressing the church about marriage and rebuking sexual activities taking place within the church! Can a marriage really be layed on a foundation of passion and fulfillment of flesh/lustfulness? I totally double that this marriage will stand it's test of time! What happens after the fulfillment of the flesh other than frustration? Kids are gonna come forth being very expensive not to mention draining much emotionally from both parents. In asmuch as they are a blessing, they also are the worst threat if the relationship didn't have much time to be well developed and nourished before committing!" That was what I shared as one of the contributions of a higher rate of divorce in churches. NB.... With that said, I by no means condone sex before marriage! Please get me right dear sis on that note! Now coming back to your question: I personally would have gone for the first brother who currently wants us to commit in conversations and get to know each other better without any rush! I'm very much aware that it would have been more advantageous to go for the other brother who seems to be well organized already. My 'issue' with him is that, the good side of him being ready to have his wife may compromise us an opportunity of a long term relationship before committing! With the first brother we stand to disagree, to argue, to reconcile, to work on our differences, to learn to accept and be tolerant of each other. We have enough time to bond and connect. There's plenty of time to get to know each other better before committing. There's even enough time to change our minds rather than divorcing! I wonder if there's any sense in this? Post Reply
HoosierHomeschooler View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 26 Aug, 2014 02:30 PM The often-quoted statistics about the church having a divorce rate as high as or higher than the world are incorrect. That came from one study that got a lot of attention, but more recent studies that are seldom quoted have disagreed with it. That said, the church does have a dishearteningly high divorce rate. I suspect it has to do with having a lot of unsaved people in the church and when an unsaved spouse is determined to wreck a marriage, he or she will. As for the original question, asking for an exclusive relationship before meeting is unreasonable. Post Reply
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 26 Aug, 2014 04:29 PM Sisygirl my friend......yes you are making good sense! Listen, I want to first make a comment on a part of the content in your response. If a marriage entered into by 2 believers is built largely on the fact that their union in this earth is solely to fulfill the work The Lord has called them together to do, rather than their own personal needs and agendas, many marriages would flourish! If God is the focus, in any marriage for that matter.......though yes the challenges faced are real and sometimes overwhelming, The Lord promised that He would always make a way, if of course you submit it all to Him! This is what I deeply believe, though I do understand that there can be extenuating, personal reasons for divorce. I just truly trust God's healing, deliverance and life changing power in any situation or circumstance that can threaten or weaken the faith of any member of the body of Christ! And as for your take on my original question asked, I too feel that based on the scenario provided, the first gentleman should be given the benefit of the doubt, though the second gentleman seems quite interesting in his own right(smile)! Ummmmm, what is a girl to do(smile)lol?!!! Thank you my friend for your input here! I've missed your in depth wisdom! Post Reply
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 26 Aug, 2014 04:44 PM HoosierHomeschooler.......I too agree that exclusive rights demanded in a relationship before meeting, is unreasonable! That's way I made the suggestion in my response to other members that after first meeting, a determination could then be made about exclusiveness, mutually! There's always a way these things can work out if open mindedness, communication and transparency are at the helm. I appreciate your thoughts! Post Reply
View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 27 Aug, 2014 01:16 PM Seems your heart is with the first guy, and some things are worth waiting for. But I have waited all my life and still do not have anybody, so I will pray for you, too. Post Reply
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 28 Aug, 2014 06:16 AM Thank you lovinglady2! You know The Lord did say that we all should pray one for another! God's best to you. Post Reply
Lukia^ View Profile History	Sisters, what would you do.....hypothecially? Posted : 29 Aug, 2014 02:22 AM One thing we can be sure of is,even if you dated for ten years,you can never know each other well until you live together. Real relationship life is experienced in living together. There are those who date for three months,marry and live happily. There are those who date five or so years,and when they live together don't stay together for long. So I would advice ladies as much as its good to take your time,don't judge him by how fast he is asking for marriage. I hope this makes sence. Post Reply

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