.........after sharing so much of yourself with us here on CDFF, and being extremely open and forthright with asking, searching, and seeking out answers to heartfelt questions of your own, what would help your decision if:
---whether here, another site or just in your every day dealings, you meet "the one" who truly has all you have ever wanted in a potential mate (I ask because you've mentioned that it's been a long time since you've been in a relationship and you really aren't looking, but what if you knew in your heart of hearts, this soul was sent just to you......how would you handle this?)
----you still being relatively young, this individual you've met happens to be 20 years your senior and he has at least one child that's close to your age.....how would you make your true intentions known amongst his family without feeling you'd have to "compete" or prove yourself to them?
----and if after marrying this precious one, the desire to have children comes about and after prayer and discussion, you must make an important decision.....what would you believe you'd do?
Based on the many discussions we've had here on CDFF, I've seen you grow and mature here Sisygirl! You've had personal and spiritual challenges that would have made the average person want to give up.....but you didn't by the grace of God! Your participation here at CDFF's forum has been a joy and to be honest I would love nothing more than to know you've been blessed of The Lord to do what He's called you in this earth to do! Be blessed my friend and I'll be looking to share with again very soon!
This I was expecting especially from you big sis. Suppose it was my turn to taste my own medicine (having a question specifically meant for me). I've figured that there's an old soul in me (being old fashion so to say). In these days types of mentality of what relationship is, I doubt there's someone out there who can find me interesting unless I'll really be blessed!
Since you're being more specific especially with age gap between this person and I which is 20years difference, that really is a tough one sis. In asmuch as I lacked and desire a fatherly love, my partner should be nothing even closer to being a father to me but my soulmate and my most dear friend. I should never see my father in him. In short dear sis, his physical health and decency through looks play a very big part due to the age difference.
There's number of things too that won't allow us having this experience, my African culture being the top of the list. But then again this can be argued since culture was set and can be changed by human beings. This will send me no where else but to God himself. The very creator of this mysterious connection between a man and a woman. If He disapproves seeing us being 'one' in His eyes, then that's it! He'll sort us out in how to get over this, which is no doubt not gonna be easy for the two of us since attracted to each other.
If He approves no culture or anything else matter enough to compromise us this experience. I think my most great worry above having even his children disapproving us, would having this experience taking us back to His perfect will before the fall of men in Eden... That being total intimacy with Him as our main father. Back then God came down for a fellowship with Adam and Eve. This should no doubt be the center, pillar and foundation of our union. Seeking and finding God together without shame. I don't see any counselor even by profession giving/releaving the true depth of what marriage really is. I wonder if you are answered on this one?
As fore his family liking or disliking me, or feeling as if i'm kinda taking their place,... This i'm really familiar with. At times I wonder if rejection will always be my potion. What I think will frustrate his family most is having me not submitting to their tune in a sense of going out of my way seeking likingness and acceptance. My experiences have brought strength in me sis through Christ ofcoz. Most probably i'll be mistaken with "bad attitude" when feeling frustrated that i'm not doing what is expected of them.
How then will I fight this battle of acceptance peacefully? By seeking God's devine wisdom in helping and supporting the one i'm here to help anyway, in how to muster fathering and loving his children with me now on the picture. Bringing my experiences forth (how it really feels missing the fathers affection) in combination with the very intimacy that we experience when seeking and finding our main father (God) together,
Have him sending that love un-diluted to his children, especially since i'll be in the picture. I don't think there's any other way of fighting a good battle when coming to the subject of his family not feeling threatened as if i'm there as a competitor.
Now the question of having kids after marrying? This one really is a tough one darling sis, yet my answer still revolves around Genesis chapter1. "Be fruitful and multiple"... Period! I believe God expected a church through families. Without church there's no body of Christ. If a young person like me doesn't wanna have family in a sense of child bearing, then you shouldn't associate yourself with this covenant since there's surely gonna be kids through intercourse unless one is not gifted kids by God. This still take me back to His righteous will of marriage from the book of Geneses. It comes with a package.
I wonder if you are answered at all sis? This was a tough and interesting question where you kinda had me thinking of ways in facing my worst fears... Being commited and having kids. I have never really thought hard about this.
"Based on the many discussions we've had here on CDFF, I've seen you grow and mature here Sisygirl!" I'm learning so much from you guys. Having me maturing should give you the true reflection of your positive impact in me. I thank God through all of you ladies and gents and especially YOU dear sis! I really have learned so much from our chats that you've always partaked on wholeheartedly. I'm enjoying you more than you can ever know.
Well my sister in Christ......you've managed once again, to present another thought provoking, riveting response(smile)!! Your willingness to examine, then shed light on your cultural/generational past and present realities with regard to your personal conclusions on life partnerships.....well that's exactly the reason I asked you this particular set of questions!!!
Only to say with a humbled heart to you, myself or to anyone else whose ever been abused, misused, lied on, cheated, misunderstood, disappointed, mistreated, hurt, let down, thrown aside, abandoned or forgotten, that we don't know how The Lord can and will use our life's miseries to become His ministry thru us.......how we are the victor not the victim, thru Christ Jesus! I've said all this because personally, I can identify with much of what you've endured in your past, yet I've also come to the conclusion that even when I was in "the world", The Lord had already set me up to do a work for His Kingdom! When I was doing my own "thing", not checking who was hurting me or who I was hurting, I realize it now that those same things that bought great shame and hurt to my life, I now am being a "witness" to others, sound boarding on those same past struggles.......but doing so on the victorious side of it all!! Praise God!
Again, all this is to say my friend that even as we all have at some point, mapped out how we would live our lives, possibly based on our pasts or just on our own ideals, God has had His plan "mapped" out for us since before the beginning of time! Do you think when we were being traumatized during our youth and maybe as adults, God wasn't right there with us....keeping and protecting us for such a time? Right up until we gave our lives to Him! I'm convinced that ALL our hurts and suffering will ultimately bring honor and glory to Him....if we allow Him to! That particular individual that today you'll say, "no way are they ever to be a life partner for me", tomorrow or better yet in God's will and time, could turn out to be your soul mate.......if that's who He desires to couple you with to do His work(smile)!! I believe it's just easier to keep your heart, mind and spirit prepared for whatever God has in store! Staying in position, active in ministry, witnessing, praying.....because when your taking care of God's business, He's assured to take care of yours!! My friend this has helped me tremendously in my journey with Him! I just wanted to share a little of it with you....stay blessed and encouraged....In His Grace......
