Your lady friend has found a new boyfriend that she's excited about which is pretty normal and you're excited for her too. Few weeks later (about 5-6weeks) she tells you that she'll be moving inn with the boyfriend. You don't approve for many reasons that have nothing to do with you so you let her have her own experiences which you hope they gonna turn out well for her.
In about 3months she moved inn, she now tells you that you'll be getting married in 3months time. Now you really getting concerned and feel that you need to voice out your concerns but now you can't communicate without being misunderstood of how well you meant, especially since you've never been in a relationship for about 10years, with no baby or any form of progress. What can you possibly say about relationships when you've never has one in a 'life time.'
You now take the matter to your mother whom they get alone very well with your friend, you ask her to talk to your friend over lunch as a parent whose looking out for her daughter only to make matters worst as if the two of you don't want her to get married. You want her to be like 'you' with an empty lonely lifestyle. Now there's tension till the wedding day, not only between you two but the husband as well as your friends family at large. You now surely regret why you bothered to warn her since you can't clear your intentions.
In less than 2years in marriage she reaches out needing help with matters that you tried to address to her through your mother when you seemed 'jealous',
What do you do in that situation, keeping in mind the reflection that you were left with to her husband and her family when trying to get through her earlier, in fact you're still just as 'bad' to them as you've always been.
Oh child of God, I had to read this post a few times before responding! You know, when your intentions to intercede on another's behalf are fouled by your own inner bias, it makes it almost impossible for you to be edifying and encouraging to that soul! I have to applaud you first my friend for your honesty regarding your "envy/jealousy" towards your friend. That was very transparent of you. Your honesty in itself is a wonderful sign of God's conviction in ALL of us to ALWAYS examine ourselves FIRST before we can be a true help to others!
Now with said, let me be as forth right as I can.......all you could have done for your friend in this entire situation was to be just that "a friend"! You could of course pray God's will for her and expect God to do what HE does! Hopefully she would have been open and receptive to whatever HE wanted to do in her and her husbands' lives, with of course the hope that they both are saved and set aside for The Lord! We will make choices in this journey that will either be Gods' PERFECT will or His PERMISSIVE will.....it will be left up to us to choose wisely! But in it all He said that He'll never leave us nor forsake us. So no matter what, He'll be with us even in the storms of our permissive choices!!! I hope dear one this is making sense(smile)! All you can continue to do is be there for your friend. When she reaches out to you, the most important thing you can first do is to just listen to her! Hear her heart, then let The Lord guide you to speak or maybe He'll instruct you not to speak at all! Be sensitive to The Holy Spirit.....and just as important be sensitive to your friends needs! And please don't think that because you haven't been in a relationship for quite some time, that you don't have something to offer! You'll be surprised what God places in you to be used at the right time! Stay encourage in Him my sister!!!
Joy, my dear friend this situation was as complicated then as it is now, with lots I didn't mention since the intention is not talking about my friends marriage affairs in an international dating site, but rather seeking help in how to handle such issues in future. There's no way I didn't want her to get married, but I couldn't seat back watching her massing up only coz she didn't wanna wait. It takes a life time to claim to know someone. I heard grown ups often saying, "Had I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have married my husband" that's a loaded statement from someone speaking from experience.
Which is why I didn't say anything when she decided to move in with him. I thought that, they'll get to know each other pretty well. But now committing to a guy that she only met few weeks ago was quite a big step I think with much to consider especially with her background. She's never really had a sense of acceptance. Her parents broke up very early in her childhood, which kinda got her wondering around coz now the step father didn't want her at his place,... With her step mother rejecting her on the other side. Both parents were not responsible, not to mention their new partners who didn't want her and her siblings.
She had a baby before marriage, which was my main emphasy that she must make a home for her child since she knows better how its like being rejected by both parents for the sake of keeping a new relationship with parents' partners who didn't want her. Why would you want your baby to go through that if the marriage won't work out? If it does work its ok, but what if it doesn't work, where's your baby in the picture?
Unfortunately she wasn't saved before committing (both with the boyfriend) which was my other argument. Why would you rush to commit when already having the privileges of married people (sex) and neglecting matters that you should be working on that are gonna secure you and the baby's future? She's just like me, she doesn't have a home (parents place) to fall back on if things won't work out for her.
All that came out wrong, with more that I won't mention. Now how do I look at her husband and family knowing that she told them those things before getting married as I tried warning her?
Now I can't be there as I desire to.
She's in another level anyway, she should be relating with married people like my mum whom I can't even call for help as I'm living far away from home for my own safety from my brother whose apparently dying to find me and only Gos knows what his intentions are if he'll find me.
