I'm somewhat new to the the online dating sites, so I'm learning. I've read dozens and dozens of profiles of some very fine ladies on this site. I notice, over and over, many of the same themes - "Searching for my Boaz," "Finding Love Again," "Having Faith for a Partner," etc., etc., etc. These all imply a level of serious faith.
Yet I'm finding only the tiniest bit of actual faith involved in their search. Sorry.
I've shared in my own profile that I was a minister in my region for a number of years, and my face is known therefore, to a good many people, even if I don't know them. My marriage ended after my children were raised when my wife decided she wanted a single life. No abuse. No drugs or alcohol. No infidelity. She simply wanted to go a new direction. I didn't like the decision but was powerless to stop it.
For that reason, and since it was not that long ago, I've chosen not to post my photo publicly yet. However, if I find one of you interesting and email you, I do include my photos. That should solve the photo issue, right?
Yet, out of 30 messages I've sent, I've only gotten 1 reply. The others simply don't do anything.
Do you know how difficult it is to write a personal note after reading your personal info and finding it interesting? That takes time and emotional energy. Emotional energy that is limited given that nearly everyone on the site has been badly burned.
Now I fully know that I may receive a thousand replies to this post and they will say the same thing - "No posted photo must mean you're a scammer!" Yes, yes. I get it. That can happen.
That's why I send my photos with my messages.
And, yes, I know that there are men who will write you sugary things, then break your heart. But that's no different than the chance one takes in real life dating, is it? And, by the way, that road does travel both ways.
So, I just want to suggest that, perhaps, if you are a woman of faith and prayer, that you actually consider applying them in your "search" for Boaz. Maybe read the story of Ruth again. She didn't just sit "waiting," but she was - in faith - active in her pursuit of a relationship.
Please, don't use my thoughts as a reason to bash me. Nearly every woman on this site claims that she wants a man who is "honest." Well, I"m being honest.
I'm not criticizing anyone, but many years in the ministry proved to me that James was actually right - Faith without action results in nothing. It's very easy to criticize the bad apples on sites like these. But does that really gain you anything?
Again, honestly, even when asking a woman out in the world or in a social gathering, she's at least polite enough to kindly tell you no. Not even a cold nonbeliever would listen to your invitation and then just walk away, saying nothing.
Okay. I expect most of you will immediately feel the need to lecture me on how wrong I am. But, maybe, just maybe, there will be one who actually prays and asks God how to respond. Who know - maybe she'll be the one who finds her Boaz. :prayingm::prayingm:
And you cannot compare online with real dating, in reality i'll most likely give feedback that i'm either interested or not... I don't justify silent treatment,
I often don't respond to some massages, depending on what you've sent me.
I love a challenge
And a guy who comes across confident, not arrogant.
Your pick up line will either get you my attention on the spot or not.
Over time I've learned to put zero emotional investment into chicks if you don't know them, whether online or off. It's so tricky not confusing your own perception with reality thinking most chicks are noble, interesting, and awesome when it's usually the opposite. I've also learned to pay more attention to what they do than what they say. I don't really put much stock in what they say anymore either. For instance, I was always always always told that women hate those pictures of guys not wearing a shirt and like a well dressed man smiling, yet okcupid did a study that proved this couldn't be more wrong and their words didn't match who they replied to at all. All I can say is accept it for what it is, keep an eye out for the rare girl who is great and likes you for who you are, and keep trying. Also, a reply is a rare occurrence for any guy, especially on this site since it's so small and not structured or formatted as well as the other more popular ones are so don't worry what you're experiencing is typical.
I'm not familiar with okcupid, but from the name I'm guessing it' not a Christian Singles site.. so..
For men to post pics like that only shows they don't understand women, not women of value at least. I was told at one point by a male friend here that I was attractive, but the shirt I wore in my pic made me look flat chested. Until I read his comment, I had no idea, and still don't.. That's the way the male mind works.
The other day a brother was breaking down the image of a modestly dressed woman (in his mind) while in his pic he wears a t-shirt and well lets just say they'll be no questions as to whether or not he chest hair. Guess he thinks he looks sexy, in fairness, maybe wants to filter the women who don't like chest hair, I don't know. There are some extremely attractive men on this site, and they are wearing shirts.
I cringe when a man refers to me as a chick, girl, etc... not so much the words he's using, (although I never call a man a boy, I find it insulting), but its an indication of how a man feels, understands, thinks of women.
Anyway, if I were looking for a mate here (which I am not), those examples could cause me to stop reading his reply and delete the email. Nope certainly I'm not all that, but this is not a game.
The couple of guys who are my friends here date, they met or have met women on this site, one of them recently cancelled his profile, as did the woman he's seeing, and things are going very well with them. A relationship with Jesus, integrity, respect of women, honesty; let these be your foundation.
I am not bashing anything you say, I heard it all before, we are not all the image you portray, and I truly thank God for that.
Sir, their hesitancy to message with you might have more to do with you being separated from your wife than your lack of a picture. Though it isn't your fault she decided she wanted to separate from you, some may hold to the belief that you aren't legally (and depending on the woman, biblically) allowed to remarry, unless divorced (for biblical reasons. )
Some more conservative women believe it to be wrong to date, or be courted by a married man, to cause him not be reconciled with his wife.
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. - Matthew 5:32
If your wife is an unbeliever and departed from you, however, you are free to remarry.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. - 1 Corinthians 7:14
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. - 1 Corinthians 7:15
For more information, I could only suggest gently that you speak with a Christian man or pastor, or leader in the church. They know more about these matters than I, and have authority to speak, that I do not.
Thank you for your very thoughtful reply. I expect you are correct. The fact that I am separated and not divorced could make a difference to many Christian women, I'm sure.
However, that being said, I maintain that it only takes less than a minute to reply to a message. And that, too, is the thoughtful thing to do.
I'm very aware of the scriptures you referenced. They admonish a believing man from separating from his wife - and rightly so. However, in Bible days, they just didn't expect a Christian wife to do the departing. In the times in which we live, it is actually the Christian who usually leaves now. In fact, 75% of Christian separations and divorces are today initiated by the wife. I personally know 3 other couples, very committed Believers who were married for 25 - 30 years who are now divorced. And in each case, it was the wife's decision. In none of these cases did the women allege abuse of any kind. They just wanted the single life. It shocked everyone who knew them. And their husbands and children were devastated.
Again, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I do appreciate them and wish you the very best.
"I am not bashing anything you say, I heard it all before, we are not all the image you portray, and I truly thank God for that."
None taken ChristianArtsy. I respect everything you have to say. I know not all women are mean and nasty, but at the same time, I just don't give women the benefit of the doubt anymore either. I just keep my expectations realistic and not let my hopes, imagination, or perceptions get the better of me like they have in the past.
I too have heard of that, I'm very sorrowful about it and can think of no explanation for it. I can't imagine what makes husbands and wives want to leave each other after years of being married, for no reason other than wanting a singles life.
The things that I witness and watch happen before my eyes and in my time only make me want to run to the Lord and the truth and seek his wisdom. The foundation of a marriage must be the Lord, and only the Lord, everything else is fleeting.
