Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 10 Jun, 2013 04:12 AM
Was wondering ladies....
Ladies are doing very well lately if I should massure success by education, finances, investments, cars, careers etc
We're more privileged than our mothers were back in their days & having access to more information/awereness about female issues & relationship' than they were,
Yet most relationships' (from young couples) are failing, wether in marriages or in casual relationships.
There's something our mothers did right in submission since most of them are still committed in their marrieges, inspite of the issues they go through.
With us (young weman) its totally different when we know more about marriages than they did in our age. I know that some are going through so much & they stayed for our sakes (my point is that they stayed)
When on the other hand, young ladies seem to have it all but finding it really hard to keep up in relationships. (keeping in mind that it takes both parties to make it work, i'm only focused on ladies for now) Hope I didn't offend anyone, its just a general question that's been in my mind for a while now.
Please share your views on this ladies. Is our knowledge that we have now, that's suppose to be power & our indipendancy working against our relationships?
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 11 Jun, 2013 01:04 AM
This a good question.Our independency is affecting our relationships negatively.
With all empowerment on us(women) we have forgotten the place of a woman.Sarah in the bible used to call her husband 'my lord' thats shows submission,respect,recognition...but i think that has been wiped away from us by,money,education and power.So we are not able to submit to our husbands,partners or even boyfriends.
A wise woman,a woman of God should know what the bible says about women and their husbands.Submit to him,respect and recognize him.Whether he recognizes it or not if you are a prayerful woman he will with time.And whether we have money or not lets respect our partners knowing well that the money,education and power that we have can never buy happiness,neither can it buy a man.
Ladies lets pray and ask God to help us go back to where He wants us to be.And lets build our families with love,respect and submissive hearts and our men will be able to love us in the way that God wants them to.
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 11 Jun, 2013 01:23 PM
Well said dear!
Thank you so much for getting back to me. I've been struggling for days with this question within my self, trying to get to the really cause of failer in relationships' especially in our days when woman are doing so well, with so much knowledge about issues of life & relationships' to keep us going.
Can I ask you dear one more question that diviates a little from the main question I asked earlier...? (this additional question is the continuation of the main asked question)
Does being single for too long contribute to the existing issue of failer in relationships?
My mum once said to me "Submission may be very hard for you if you were to get married" I asked her why was she saying that? She said "being single for too long is unhealthy, (not wrong though) a girl would be better of if she was to get married sooner. From parents rules to the husbend's rules. There's no other life style that you'll be familiar with but opareting under certain rules"
I've been pondering on that for a while now. I've never really stayed with parents on a full time base & i've been single for a very long time now (not that I bothers me)
Indeed i've never been in a position were I find myself having to consult if I need to do something, (communicating with a partner & submitting to a yes you can or no please don't...)
No one knows my whereabouts (there's no one to inform if going out with girls, or if i'll be home late)
What do you think Lukia...?
In your openion, does being single for long top up on the above mentioned issues that cause failer in relationships?
When one usually lives as she pleases & one munite she must consult a partner in things that seem very little, but effective enough to cause breaking up.
Is being familiar with your freedom & space make it harder for one to submit if things were like this for a longer period?
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 11 Jun, 2013 05:15 PM
In whatever relationship, you need to be yourself. I refer to this as "seperate but equal". You are equally yoked in a relationship ( assuming your'e married) but you are seperate individuals with your own ideals, beliefs, personality, hobbies... etc. I think as a couple you have to respect your partners independence in being themselves and doing what they love. Ex) I am not going to get mad if my other wants to go on a fishing trip with his bud. Or visa versa, if I want to hang-out with my girls for a shopping day at the mall.
I think too many relationships become negative and in some ways are doomed to fail, because each of us can't be seperate-selves in being ME in a WE relationship. Relationships have to be balanced not just together, but apart. We have to be understanding and open to each-other's needs. We when aren't responsive and sensitive to that we go looking for that in other people, places, or things. That's where the negativity happens and eventually it becomes the cancer in a healthy relationship. Just as a Christ is a part of us and we are His Disciples - we are also a body of believers. One body with many parts....
For there to be a healthy relationship, there has to be a balance of independence and dependence - which I prefer the term "interdependence". I believe at the center of every relationship there should be a dependence on God, independence of one's self, and and interdependence of the yolking of both sides of the relationship. With this mix, I think any relationship be a positive, happy, fufilling, and long-lasting one.
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 11 Jun, 2013 05:38 PM
I don't speak for all men, but I want to be in a relationship where I feel I'm useful to it - we're inherently 'fixers' so knowing we bring something good to a relationship resonates with us. A side effect of women's modern indepedence, if that's what it is, is that men are just not as valued as they were; after all, women can and frequently do manage fine by themselves, but we still want to come home to a wife and family that's 'missed' us because that makes us feel like we're there for a purpose and not a burden.
If you've watched the movie Hancock, you'll know what I mean when the (secretly 'miss universe') woman still asks her husband to open the ketchup bottle for her...
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 19 Jun, 2013 12:36 PM
have You ever noticed? in successful relationships there is rarely equality?
if He is Happy, She is miserable,and,if She is happy,He is miserable....
eventually one has to say,i have been happy long enough,it is Your turn for awhile?
it appears the woman of the 21 century has been convinced through the secular media/educational systems that they should be able to be happy,empowered,profitable,successful,independent,fashionable,free and always right, all the time,and if a man disagrees with any of Your choices,he is a abusive control freak and You should just break up with Him...
ok, thats how it appears to me,i really feel sorry for You ladies these days,honestly,i bet its a drag?
lotsa pressure huh?
still waitin for You to ask me out,so i can say," i have to clean the lint out of my pockets that night,but heres my phone number ( not really,actually ACE Taxi's phone number ) call me sometime we will go out."
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 20 Jun, 2013 02:50 AM
My dear i'm not exactly sure what to say but i hope what i say will be of some help.
Its true that being single for too long can be a problem depending on an individual.There are those who are single for long but have been waiting to marry and therefore they know exactly what they are waiting for.They don't take comfort in their singleness.So they are always ready to submit to their partners.Infact this group submit even when they are dating.
There is this other group that is comfortably single,more like even when someone comes their way,its not like they were looking.They just go on with their life just doing what they like coz they aren't answerable to anyone.
But all in all i believe as christian women we are supposed to go about it as christians.Know that whether you are comfortable or not you are supposed to submit to your husband and take it as a blessing.Let your husband be a blessing always to you but not a burden.Do as christ requires you to do and you will always receive all the love from him.
Even as you remain single,bare in mind that you are supposed to respect your husband and with respect submission comes automatically.
Is our indipendancy affecting our relationships' negatively?
Posted : 20 Jun, 2013 04:02 AM
My Lady is one who has waited 33 years to find a husband. She is a good submissive woman even though she is a strong willed woman as well.
The issue is how does submission really work between a husband and wife.
And yes two people can be happy in relationship and find satisfaction together. This is how God intends it to be.
I guess about a year ago I wrote a thread on submission and many berate me for it. I was even banned because I got caught up in toying with a young man who would not let me alone.
I have discovered the beauty and fairness in a womans submission to her husband but not in the way most individuals understand.
I used to reflect on what I was taught submission looked like and I though how can this be.
I have though about headship and what I was taught and something just didnt seem right and align with what I knew about God and the rest of scripture.
So here it is again in a nut shell. Headship is more about maintaining oneness than making decisions. And submission is more about revealing a womans heart and thoughts than it is following.
A man who draws out a woman and builds oneness is a man who finds himself loving a woman. A woman who reveals her heart and thoughts to a man is a woman finding herself respecting and man.
Marriage is about unity. The body of Christ is about unity. We fail in our relationships because we react and loose the unity we desire.
We want our independence. This is the root of failed marriages.
In the psch world they call it this term....codependency. But they call it a bad thing to be codependent and it is a good thing to be independent. Independent of who?
God? Yes the world around us have sold us a bill of goods telling it we should have it our way. We have become they very thing to keep us from a sucessful relationship. Our attitudes toward independency.
You will find that the founding fathers were dependent upon God. Many have worked hard to remove God from our lives or to replace God with man controlled religion.
If my people who are ( called) by my name.............will humble them selves and pray [( submit ) their thoughts] and turn from their wicked ways.
Then....................I (((((((((will)))))))))) hear from heaven. Forgive their sins, and heal their land. [( Home first) then the country.]
