Author	Thread: Thoughts on my situation?
IaoKim View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 07:30 AM I've recently graduated from law school and moved back to my hometown for the first time in seven years. I am looking forward to being able to devote a little more time to the for a future partner. With that in mind, there is a girl back home that I do have my eyes on. We are friends/acquaintances from high school, but don't really know each other that well because frankly I didn't really talk to people back then haha. A lot has changed in seven years though! She stayed in town and went to college while I studied outside the state. Now she is a teacher at a christian school. She rarely dates and has never had a serious boyfriend. We've seen each other a few times over the years at high school get togethers and whatnot. From what I've seen she is an amazing Christian girl and I've heard nothing, but good things about her. So on a basic level, I am interest in getting to know her better with the purpose of determining whether we would make a good match. Normally I don't consider long standing friends as potential partners because of the "friend zone" dilemma, which has cursed me before. However, in this case I think that being away for seven years and the fact we barely know each other anyway gives me some room to start fresh and make an altering first impression. Since I just moved back, I am looking for a new church home and it just so happened (or maybe not) that the girl in question invited me to her church this Sunday so I do have this opportunity to assert myself into her social sphere and try to encourage her to view me as a potential partner. So my question is, how should I approach this? Right now I'm thinking I should get to know her better through friendly group activities (like going to her church) and ease my way into her social circle. Then ask her out on a date and go from there. On one hand I don't want to wait too long and get re-labled as a mere a friend, but on the other hand I don't want to ask her out right away and scare her off. Your thoughts? (Guys thoughts welcomed also) Post Reply
Apostelle View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 07:37 AM See how it goes. Since things have changed in the years since you left, you have an opportunity to get close to her. If she seems ok with the direction things are going, ask her out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. God bless and I will be praying for youand her. Post Reply
View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 09:04 AM This is such a nice story! I think you should ask her out soon, if you want to date her, because you want her to know you have an interest more than just friends. Since she really isn't a stranger then you should move to a date. Friends is always a way to start and you have somewhat of a friendship already. Many Christians are not even somewhat friends when they start to date and that to me is not the way to start. IMO Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 10:39 AM I think you are in a good position to get to know her a little better through church activities, mutual friends, etc., and then ask her out. My one word of caution would be to make sure that you are clear that you are asking her on a DATE. Not asking her out as a friend. Not asking her out because you don't have anything better to do on a Friday evening. You want a DATE with HER. If the first date goes well, ask her on a second. Be intentional about it. Talk about the important things, but also have some lighthearted conversations along the way too. Try to experience a lot of different situations together. Mingle with her friends from time to time, and mingle with yours...how she treats them, and how she treats you in front of them, will tell you a lot about her, and vice versa. Good luck! Post Reply
View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 03:11 PM Brother, What i would do is take her aside( ask her if you can talk to her privatly) and look into her eyes but not in a creepy way. Eye contact shows her your secure. Tell her what you told us. That you heard great things about her and tell her you had your eye on her but at the time you were to shy to speak to her. Then ask her permission to get to know her more. You will show confidence and strength to her by doing this. The fear of rejection is greater in your mind then it is in reality. But have a plan in mind believing she will say Yes. After she says yes express your plan and set a date. Dont forget to exchange contact information. dont spend to much time lingering with her. If she seems interested in talking then spend a little time with her then excuse your self letting her know you have a place to be. If you linger to long your nerves might get the best of you. Rememer even though she might seem calm on the outside every girl gets excited when a guy shows genuine interest. Dont thank her to much either. You need to try remaining cool and interested but not to eager. A woman loves strength..... If you need more advice just let me know. Strength & Honor, Michael Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 05:06 PM Michael, I'm assuming that you mean Iaokim should approach the girl in that way AFTER he gets to know her a little better first, correct? Iaokim has the rare opportunity to get to know this girl a little better, and in a relatively easy way over a relatively short period of time, without making things awkward if he should decide that he's not as interested as he initially thought. I think this is probably the ideal situation, and the one that I would pick if I were the girl! Post Reply
View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 15 Aug, 2012 07:04 PM Bc, He should go for it. Two secure adults should be able to have tea or such together and have a civil conversation. Especially two Christians. He doesnt need to complicate things. That is ultimatly his decision. I know she will be honored by his strength and persuit. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 16 Aug, 2012 10:05 AM Well, you are certainly entitled to your opinion, as I am to mine. That's the nice thing about these forums...we can agree to disagree! Post Reply
Apostelle View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 16 Aug, 2012 12:42 PM It depends on how much time has passed since they knew each other. I ran into a friend of mine from high school and wouldnt have recognized them. In school, she was very clean, dressed appropriately, and never said anything obscene. When I met her again, she...well, there's no other way to describe her...she dressed like a prostitute, swore every other sentence, and looked like she hadnt bathed in days. It was extremely shocking. People change over time. Post Reply
View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 16 Aug, 2012 05:06 PM Apos, I had the same thing happen to me. She was the popular one in my class and I was our of her league at the time only due to insecurities. When we met she complimented me on how good i looked. The lifestyle she choose had a toll on her. I guess God is right when He say sin is pleasurable for a season but the end is death. He also says that He will not be mocked, that whatever a man sows that will he also reap. If he sews to the flesh to the flesh he will reap destruction. But if he sews to the spirit to the spirit he will reap everlasting life. Strength & Honor, Michael Post Reply
Moichepit View Profile History	Thoughts on my situation? Posted : 20 Aug, 2012 02:39 AM I agree in some ways with everyone else. If she is a good Christian girl as you say, then know that she has been preparing herself for a good CHRISTIAN man. She would probably want know if you had been fighting the long, arduous walk of faith wherever you were and not just starting to attend church because you are back in town where is the thing to do or because you are trying to be with her, so you decided to begin going. I'm just being honest. I believe that in most congregations there are usually men (and women) who attend for carnal reasons, which can get really annoying because they don't have a close relationship with God and they are not putting God where he belongs in their life (#1) My only advise is feel out the situation. If you are going ask her out, yes... Be intentional and yes, be specific. Do get to know and involved in the circle. If her friends are very close to her, they will be able to read your intentions like a book (we all have that friend) Lastly do not take to long in expressing how you feel because you never know if someone is ahead of you going for or at the goal! It will all work out the way God wants it to. Bendiciones and God speed! Post Reply