Author	Thread: My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective.
Futurepastor2010 View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 21 Dec, 2011 10:11 AM Ive heard many women say on thier profiles, "well they told me I was pretty and so I deleted thier message. They should be looking more on the inside than the outside" This may be true, many Men and Women on these sites are not all that they are cracked up to be. But remember Romans 3:23 For ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God" simply stated, we have all done things wrong but it is Gods grace that forgives us, and the Bible also says the grace we give, is the grace we recieve from God! We strive to be more like our Heavenly Father, that is what seperates us from the world. Even if we fall, HE is there to pick us up! I am not standing up for people that ask for dirty pictures, or anything of the sort! Just simply saying that we should pray for them instead of throwing stones. There was a book that was written many years ago, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The title may not be true (yes i know its an example to show how different we are, and not that we are from outerspace. But you might be younger and didnt know that. Am I showing my age here? Lol) But one of the ideas is Biblically and scientifically very true. Men are VISUALLY orientated. Women are Emotionally orientated. Heres an example: 2 Samuel 11:2 KJV And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; David, a true man of God, was not only Visually stimulated, by the appearance of Bathsheba bathing, but first he was Visually orientated. Now we all know what David did with Bathsheba. (If you dont, its an excellent read about lust/murder, forgiveness/grace, and redemption!). But read the last part of the verse very slowly and understand what it means... "and the woman was very beautiful to look upon." He had to look FIRST, then as he looked he saw she was naked, and the rest youll have to read for yourself! But God in his wisdom and grace forgave David. Yes we know from scripture that David lusted over this woman because she was bathing. But it was the first sight of this women that even caught his attentiion at all. So even men in Bible times were visually orientated, just as they are today. So going back to what I was saying before ladies, we know Men are visually orientated, so now what do you do? Want to get a man to contact you? Put a picture of yourself as your main photo, and show him what a Woman of GOD looks like! Be yourself, and be honest! That being said, let me give you some of my Ideas about these pictures.... When a Christian man is searching for a mate on this or any other site, the first thing he is going to be drawn too is............. YOU! Your picture will say a thousand words. So lets break that down a little. If that man is searching and he sees a: 1) little tiny picture where your face cannot be seen, you are hugging a stuffed animal thats as big as you, you are standing next to something and you are very small dot next to it, you have a picture of puppies, Cinderella or a Christian picture instead of yourself, you have a group photo, a hat covering your face, a huge alcoholic drink in your hands, OR THE WORST.... NO PHOTO AT ALL, and trust me the list goes on and on, are You REALLY wanting to be seen? Are you really wanting a Godly mate? Heres some more.. 2) A shot of your cleavage hanging out, or in a small bathing suit, or a really tight outfit where it might be showing more than your figure. At this point you have to ask yourself if you have any of these kinds of pictures listed (forgive me if I left any out) what kind of man are you really looking for? If you just want ANY man, then any site will do. If you want a Godly man, then he should be able to expect the same from you. Remember, a little modesty goes a long way. If a man cant see it, then it is left to his imagination. Whether his imagination is good or bad that is between him and God. Now before I get a thousand emails saying that you work out and you are proud of your body, and you feel its ok to show it off, again thats between you and God. And Honestly, I would like to start a whole other discussion about that very topic. Unfortunately I have seen all of these examples and more on this very site and others like it. Ladies, You are not putting your best foot forward! Show us who you are! A simple head shot is all that is needed and it could make a HUGE difference whether you are noticed or not. Click on your inbox, and what do you see above your inbox. A group of pictures of men. No site names, no ages, no church backround, just pictures. Its the same for us guys too. We only see that little picture of you up there. If you have other pictures, thats ok but save them for inside your profile. A head shot, for those of you who do not know is a picture taken usually from the shoulders up. It focuses generally on your face and your hair style. This makes your face visible in that little tiny picture, and sets you apart from the others who have pictures like those listed above. I have spoken to a lot of men from several sites about this very subject and it always gets into the same subject. "Why didnt she post a picture of herself?" or "The pic was so small you couldnt even see her, why even put it up there at all?" My favorite is "What does she have to hide that she cant put up a picture? Is she still married, or dating somone until mr. right comes along and shes afraid of being caught?" All of these are valid questions from a guys perspective, and if the tables are turned valid for you to ask a guy too! We are after all creatures of habit. If a man likes a woman with long hair only, he might not be interested in you. It might be your church affilation, skin color, hair color, or something else? Who knows why one person chooses one over another. But I tell you this, you are a CREATION of GOD Almighty! You are Smart and filled with God given talents. And regardless of what anyone may tell you, You are a beautiful Child of God no matter what you look like. We are all beautiful in Gods sight because he made us. There is someone else out there, that God made as well, that thinks you are beautiful too. Let me know what you think, and God bless you in your search! Post Reply
CastingCrowns06 View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 22 Dec, 2011 08:51 PM Thank you for posting this! Post Reply
mcubed View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 23 Dec, 2011 02:49 PM That is actually comical (or sad) if this actually happens. What woman does not want to be pretty and who will marry let alone kiss someone where is not chemistry. Called being human!! Want to keep someone yes there must be more and above all equally yoked, but we don�t throw the baby out with the bath water. Being attracted is not sin, if so G-d would not have made us that way. Letting that attraction override common sense or G-d sense yes could be sin� depending on what one does. Post Reply
View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 23 Dec, 2011 03:22 PM same statement can be applied for men. I've seen photos of men that are ant size, or to far to distinguish the face. Or like you've said, no photo at all. So men should post as well because although emotional and spiritual attraction is most important, physical attraction has it's place too. For men and women both. Post Reply
View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 23 Dec, 2011 10:37 PM My dear brother, I would want to commend you on the post you wrote. It was really a good one and the real truth. Also, I would like to oppose some points to an extent. 1. Romans 3:23 does not talk about what we do in sin, rather, it talks about the nature of sin we inherited from birth. That is why no man can ever be righteous before God, the Father, except he receives Christ as Lord and Saviour. Mind you, a Christian too can commit sin, but he does not have that nature of sin in him and that is what makes him go to the Father to ask for forgiveness. Somebody who is not of born again cannot ask for forgiveness of sin when he says bad words to another person, but a Christian will do. 2. About physical attraction, you are absolutely right, but I would say that physical attraction is a normal thing in human beings. When Adam first saw Eve, he made some statements. Why? Because he saw. Physical appearance should and must not be a yardstick to measure whom we are to get involved with, but it is part of it too. Man is a spirit being, with a soul and lives inside a body. The attraction should go round the spirit, soul and body and not only focused on body. Physical appearance contributes to the make up of man, but it is not the make-up. The make-up of a man is the beauty of the inner man and the outwards too. What we all need is just to communicate with the Lord about what we want and let Him direct us. God bless you. Post Reply
View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 24 Dec, 2011 05:23 AM I think the reason those women might be deleting that message goes deeper than the person not looking at "the inside." Statistically, messages that begin with a compliment on a woman's physical appearance (and this may go both ways, but I can't remember) are less likely to get a response. As a woman (who is unlikely to respond if someone initiates a conversation with a physical comment), I can speak to why this might be. To me, it shows that you didn't take time to read my profile and learn about me beyond a pretty picture. It also shows a lack of interest or originality. I know I have pretty eyes or a nice smile. Smiles are generally nice, who doesn't have a nice smile? And eyes are pretty. So these are really generic things that I have heard a thousand times about myself, and I ALSO know that they are pretty standard compliments for women in general. It isn't helpful and it tells me nothing about you. If all that caught your attention was my picture, that isn't very much! A picture can enhance a profile ("wow, I see we both like such-and-such, and he/she is cute!") but it isn't the basis for a connection. So if you compliment my appearance and nothing else, nope, won't be replying. Because how do you reply? "Thanks, I know my eyes are symmetrical?" I mean, that's just awkward. I don't think the issue of sin comes into it at all at this level. This is a matter of preference and of having the respect enough to send a message that shows you bothered to find out minimal information about a person (even location is nicer than physical compliments alone. For example, "I see you're from Miami, I vacationed there once, have you ever seen (whatever)?" "Men are VISUALLY orientated. Women are Emotionally orientated." This is really often touted as fact and I am pretty sure it has since been disproven. I have too many tabs open right now to want to look it up but I'd encourage you to seek contradictory opinions about it, because they are worth hearing if for no other reason than forming a coherent argument to rebut them. If you're going to go around saying this, you're responsible to do that much. I know many women, myself included, who enjoy visuals very much. Now, I agree with you that clear pictures are important. Like I said, a picture can enhance a profile and give you an overall better view of a person. But there is NO excuse, and definitely no excuse that can be weakly justified with Scriptures that were originally meant to communicate the ultimate redemption of humanity through the death of someone who was fully man and fully God. Those verses were simply not written to apply to something as inane as pictures on silly internet dating sites. That much can be said in about one sentences: "Profiles with pictures are more likely to get a response." Boom. Done. No need to moralize or abuse Scripture. And I will also go so far to say as if your skin color is a point of not interest, that is flat out racist. I don't want some BS about "I'm just not attracted to women of (particular ethnicity)." I know full well the importance of chemistry in dating. You need to be attracted to a person if it is going to work. But attraction doesn't follow clear cut rules about skin and hair color (especially hair color, has there ever been anything MORE temporal?) I can think of men of any ethnicity that I find attractive and with whom I have felt that "spark," and I can also go back and think of many more men of any ethnicity whom I have felt nothing with. It can't be categorized. I can make generalizations about myself (I have a thing for rolled-up button down sleeves, I like guys' arms, jawlines, whatever) but none of them are race-dependent, and many more of them are personality driven (Guys who aren't needy, who can joke around, manage their own lives, etc.) So... after that teal deer that would give Harry Potter's patronus a run for its money, that is what I think. Post Reply
Len1932 View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 24 Dec, 2011 08:39 AM I can only say what I believe about internet dating for women. I never look for a pretty picture of a woman but try to get her feelings on subjects and how her heart is towards our Lord. Then we pray that we maybe friends on the internet as we know we each have our own support system with church, family, and friends and will not be happy leaving our area of the country. I am a Christian writer for newspapers and love to be friends with other writers. Post Reply
View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 26 Dec, 2011 04:59 AM Amen Len...that sounds very wise. I hope you mentor and pass on this wisdom! Blessings. Post Reply
View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 26 Dec, 2011 08:45 PM I have been on CDFF for a few months and I have Yet to receive a message with any substance toward how is my Spiritual walk with Christ. Just something like; Oh you are a nice looking Older lady is that a recent photo ; do you have more you can post. I say NO...no more. I get have got several messages and winks and usually I respond. Then the guy writes back maybe Once, sometimes not at all. :laugh: Christian site or not; men look at Photo's much more Often than not. Post Reply
Len1932 View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 27 Dec, 2011 08:36 PM Beauty as seen by the eye is only skin deep, but talking and writing gives us a better idea of just makes a lovely looking lady tick. Does she have the Lord first in her life or is she trying to do everything on her own, including decisions in life? Post Reply
deb101 View Profile History	My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective. Posted : 5 Jan, 2012 04:01 AM Good post, but the rest of the story. One reason of "NO PHOTO" could be "Small town, big mouths" and/or being a well known person. Gossip is harsh and even if one joins this site (noted for it's christian members), a photo could harm their privacy especially if prying eyes spot one's photo. In my townm should this happen one might as well have their picture on the front page of the newspaper showing them in a police lineup. Would cause about as much excitement and gossip and once announced to the rest of the population, would invite unwanted attention from local undesirables. Just one woman's insight........ Post Reply

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