Author	Thread: Disapproval?
bcpianogal View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 25 Oct, 2011 08:04 AM Girls, what would you do if you found yourself in a serious relationship (perhaps even an engagement) that NO ONE approves of? In fact, the only people who think that the relationship is good are you, your bf, his parents, and people who don't know you and therefore just casually say "Oh, you're engaged? Congratulations!" Everyone else thinks that you are making the biggest mistake of your life. Everyone else = family, extended family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, spiritual mentors, etc. Most of the people who disapprove know one or both of you relatively well as individuals, or have spent a good bit of time getting to know you as a couple. You admit that the relationship isn't all it should be. You admit that there are some serious problems. You think that marriage will solve those problems, though...even though they are getting worse in the months leading up to the wedding. How would you handle that situation? Would you end the relationship, or proceed with it? If you choose to proceed with the relationship, what would it take for you to change your mind? Guys, any input from your side? What would you do if you were in a similar situation? Post Reply
View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 25 Oct, 2011 09:27 AM If everyone that knew me was telling me not to go ahead then I'd have to seriously consider it. Not that I can't make decisions for myself (and take the blame if they turn out to be poor ones), but I'd be foolish to ignore people who really know (and care for) me, especially if they're all saying the same thing! Now I know that sometimes you have to press on regardless of what even your closest friends and relatives think, as in the case of Job, but I believe God would make it so clear to you in those rare instances that you wouldn't need to ask others. As for problems before the marriage - marriage won't make them go away (as my brother and his ex found), indeed it will add pressure onto both of you and magnify the problems! Also being a legal 'contract' between two people, the inevitable divorce from such a troubled marriage will turn nasty and costly quicker than you can say "court fees" - it's not a no-obligation free trial! Marriage certainly isn't something I'll rush into - been there before and very nearly got burnt that way... Post Reply
algomaboy View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 25 Oct, 2011 11:27 AM Well my family always plots against other family members marriages and help to wreck them going on 4 generations. So, I do not care what other people say. I would put them in jail for harrassment. I do not like getting little nosey letters. my one beother believes any girl his brothers date wants him and not his brothers.hmmmmmm issues or what????? :ROFL: Who careswhat family says!!!!!!! Are you happy?:party: Post Reply
View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 25 Oct, 2011 11:47 AM You admit that the relationship isn't all it should be. You admit that there are some serious problems. You think that marriage will solve those problems, though...even though they are getting worse in the months leading up to the wedding. I would put off the wedding because it seems here like the lady is not sure of the man. She sees things herself that is wrong with their relationship. I do not believe a marriage is going to work all things out. Never think things are going to change just Once you get married. Now, if she wants to keep a friendship longer to see if things will change, then that is Ok. But do not repeat...do not get married. :laugh: Post Reply
paschen81 View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 26 Oct, 2011 10:36 PM You admit that the relationship isn't all it should be. You admit that there are some serious problems. You think that marriage will solve those problems, though...even though they are getting worse in the months leading up to the wedding. ooh ooh red flag! Marriage will NOT solve any serious problems that exist before marriage... in fact marriage tends to make those issues more pronounced. Sometimes family can sabotage... sometimes friends can too... however, spiritual leaders and church family who are there to protect you and keep you liable for your actions? I would tend to really take their concerns seriously. I would hold off on moving forward in teh relationship. I would inquire with those opposed to the relationship as to what issues they saw and then I would get real honest with myself about said relationship. I would ask myself if I was not seeing any issues that could create even bigger issues after marriage due to my emotions. oftentimes we overlook BIG red flags in a relationship because we are so intrigued with this other person... to us they are the greatest thing since sliced bread while everyone around us is wondering if we've lost our minds since we can't see all the characteristics that will after marriage and when the emotional "in love" feelings wane and reality sets in, finds us discontent at least and in an unequally yoked relationship at the worst. Post Reply
MyCrownIsGod View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 26 Oct, 2011 10:51 PM If there are problems in the relationship now, they will only be BIGGER problems in the marriage. Marriage DOES NOT solve relationship issues. Only prayer, the Holy Spirit, good Christian based counseling and BOTH people in the relationship WILLING to work out the issues (and compromise) will solve anything. It sounds to me there are already some serious doubts about this match, which means, marrying probably isn't the best decision. Furthermore, not all marriages are blessed and approved by God. Just because a couple hooks up, dates, and decided to get engaged, does not mean God approves of the match. Not everyone who is married on Earth is legally married in God's eyes. Very few people actually pray before getting married and are bold and daring enough to ASK PERMISSION FROM GOD to marry that person. (Men and women BOTH need to pray, and not make any decision to marry until BOTH get a clear green light from the HOLY SPIRIT) So, pray first, ALWAYS, and ask God if the person you are contemplating spending the rest of your life with, is the best (God ordained) match for you. If it is really NOT the person God has for you, then He will tell you very clearly, and you will know what to do next. If you choose to ignore what God is telling you, then you only set yourself up for a lifetime of living a life not in line with God's will for your life, and you will have no grounds to blame God for the challenges and troubles you will face while being married to the wrong person. Marriage is serious in God's eyes. Meant to be a life long commitment to each other, to be together and stand by each other and blend your lives together. It's not to be taken lightly, or jumped into quickly. You are spiritually linking everything you are, and ever will become, your entire destiny with another person. Marrying the wrong person can keep a person from really fulfilling the call of God on their life. You have to be 100% SURE you are ready to marry, and marrying the right person, AND have permission from God to do so. Until then, you are only acting in your own will and desires and flesh, and not the Spirit of God. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 27 Oct, 2011 05:16 AM Good insights! You are pretty much saying the exact same things that I've been saying. Thanks for the confirmation! Post Reply
MyRedeemerLives0309 View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 27 Oct, 2011 09:43 PM Been there, done that. It ended up in divorce. I learned from it and won't make the same mistake twice. And no, marriage won't fix a relationship. I have to thank God we did not have children (he seriously thought having children would "fix" our marriage) because now I would be a single mother, which I think I am not cut out for. So, my advice is DON'T GET MARRIED under those circumstances. Listen to your gut feelings (deep down inside I knew it was not going to work out) and most importantly, pray and seek God's direction. Post Reply
View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 28 Oct, 2011 05:03 AM It sounds that you know the answer in your heart already but you deny it because your eyes want something else. I am the first to say that I have done that mistake to hold in too long in a man because our sexlife was great but everything else was bad. This is one of satan�s best tool to take us to make great lover of his kids but we must look for more like he is the only one that can make it nice for you in bed. There must be something God want to tell you when He is sending so many people to tell you to not marry.....who am you going to listen at ? I am not the first one to say that people should listen to people but if there is the same warning from many people that not know each other, then should you consider it if it�s right to marry. May God be your assistent and always go to Him and ask for answer first before all people. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 28 Oct, 2011 07:36 AM Just to clarify...I'm not the one who's in a bad relationship! I've known a few people over the years who were in this position, though. They all had different outcomes. Most of the outcomes weren't great (divorce or miserable marriages), but I know of at least two or three couples who have a very happy marriage, great kids, and have proven everyone's advice to be completely wrong. It sounds like most of you agree that marriage is not going to fix problems, though, and that it is wise to listen to the consistent advice against the marriage if that advice is given out of genuine concern and backed up with legitimate reasons. Post Reply
View Profile History	Disapproval? Posted : 28 Oct, 2011 06:14 PM I had a friend who did this. EVERYONE told her not to. The Pastor who married them (yeah -- why would he then go and marry them??) and the groom's 8 CHILDREN, as well as her family and friends. She just smiled and carried on with all her plans. They were driving back from their (very short, local) honeymoon and he told her he would drop her off at her apartment and she could just go on living there. It went downhill from there - I'll spare the details. Suffice it to say -- unless the people in your life (that know you best and have been with you the longest) have wacky, irrational reasons for their objections -- then DON'T get married. Post Reply

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