Author	Thread: mystical middle ground?
Admin	mystical middle ground? Posted : 4 Sep, 2011 04:57 PM it seems if a guy hangs on Your every word,You will call Him Clingy,Desperate.if He does not hang on Your every word,You call Him,emotionally detached,player... is there some mystical middle ground,or is this a double standard that simply depends on Your mood at the moment? Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 5 Sep, 2011 01:30 PM Mystical. It's not the destination it's the journey. To expound that, when you're in the moment you haven't arrived yet. Only after you have arrived does it become an either or thing. So how are you traveling? Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 5 Sep, 2011 05:23 PM lol,mystical was the only descriptive word i could think of,for example i will i the word "confident" one is confident,or,one is not confident,i have never met a 1/4,1/2,3/4 confident person.and to answer Your question,my present state of BEing is content and at rest...moments? there are moments of rest,moments of travel,the moment before one arrives,the moment of arrival,the moment after arrival? Post Reply
MyCrownIsGod View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 6 Sep, 2011 07:03 PM For me there are very specific qualities/attributes or behaviors that will cause me to conclude someone is Clingy/Desperate or Emotionally Catatonic, or a Player, and they are based on years of experience, both personally and through observation of others in relationships. For example: Clingy/Desperate: He doesn't want to develop a friendship. The guy doesn't want to/can't be patient enough to develop a basic friendship before pushing to date...and if we date, he wants to push moving in together or getting married right away. If we can't even be friends, how can we have a solid foundation enough for something as serious as marriage? He is insecure. He is intensely jealous of anyone else in my life. Demands my full attention 24/7 and will get angry if I can't do what he wants exactly when he wants it. He has no concept of boundaries. He calls repeatedly, and throws a fit if I don't answer the phone right away or can't talk for hours on end. ( A short good morning call or 1-2 hour phone conversation once a night is ok...12 hours is not.) Ditto on 10+ emails a day. He is a loner. He wants to hang all over me 24/7, doesn't have friends of his own, can't stand to be alone with himself, and can't stand that I want to spend even one day apart, doing my own thing with my best friends. He is emotionally controlling/manipulative. He says things to emotionally blackmail me: like "If you loved me you would....", "Why don't you love me?", "My ex would have done this for me...", "If you don't _______ I'll kill myself." Blah Blah... Asks too many questions about unimportant things. Demands to know everything about me, how I spend my time, where I went, who I talked to, what we talked abotu...Really? You're not my parent. You don't need to know my every waking moment. These types of men have severe and deep emotional issues they need counseling (and possibly anti-depression medication) for before they can be in a serious and HEALTHY relationship. The Player: He's a Flirt He calls every girl: Sweetie, Honey, Baby...because he can't remember all their names. Or he will try to give me a "special" nickname after we have barely met. He's a smooth talker and easily impresses women. He has multiple profiles on multiple dating websites or social platforms. If I'm on his Facebook, but I'm not allowed/invited to friend him on any other site, it makes me wonder what he's hiding, and how many other girls he talks to on the sites he doesn't want me on. He won't spend any real time with me. Texting is the new 'lazy dater/player' form of communication. He doesn't have to put in any real effort. He would rather buy me dinner or something expensive than sit and have a conversation with me. He warns me he is not relationship material. But still wants to "date". I know he will never want to have a serious relationship...so why bother? He will take me to the same restaurant over and over. Probably because he takes his other girls to the others in town. He's afraid he will run into his other girls when I'm with him. He makes too many promises way too early in the relationship. Guys know what girls want to hear. They will claim they want marriage, kids, the white picket fence with the dog in the backyard, family vacations all American dream. But when it comes right down to it, months later, if you ask them, they claim they never said it, or never wanted that. He avoids getting to know me. He won't take me anywhere were we can talk or spend any quality time together. Going to a movie or a loud club...how do you get to know someone when you can't hear them or you are supposed to stay silent? He only makes last minute/late night plans with me. A little spontaneity or impatient enthusiasm to see me is flattering from time to time, but if a man is really interested in getting to know me, he would make MOST plans in advance to be sure that I am free to spend time with him. He's pushy about getting physical. Usually because he is only interested in one thing, and he will date as many girls as he can to get it. A man who is really interested in a woman (and not just her body) is respectful of her body and her choices. He won't introduce me to any of his friends, much less any family member. I don't expect to meet mom and dad within the first few weeks...but if I've dated a guy for two or three months, and I've never even met his best friend (whom I hear all about at every date)...that tells me he isn't interested in letting me in his inner circle, and I'm just one of the many girls in the line up. The Emotionally Catatonic/Distant Man: Communication is reduced to power plays. He has subconscious satisfaction when he witnesses me in great emotional distress. The underlying thought: You see? I do have power! I can control her emotions, and that�s not an easy thing to do. My tactics worked. He avoids commitment and personal accountability. He sees simple requests, as attempts at coercion, and they circumvent them by remaining vague. He can't take responsibility for his own emotions or actions in the relationship. Leadership roles are confused. The evasive man prefers to hold back and sidestep situations that will mean he is required to do something or give of himself emotionally in situations where his leadership would be expected. He may try to be coy and set me up to be forced to take a leadership role in the relationship and then attack me for not being submissive or respectful like a good Christian woman "should" be. Relationship is secondary to performance. He would rather do some menial chore for me, or work long extra hours in order to avoid spending any real time with me, or because he is trying to avoid discussing a problem in the relationship. He has no conflict-resolution skills, so he will do anything he has to do to avoid dealing with issues, so he will spend his time doing things he is familiar with, or already knows how to do: work on the car, go to church, help his dad paint a fence, etc... Personal insights are unequal. Healthy people not only admit the need for improvement, they welcome the challenge. Growing people are willing to absorb insights and information. They actively seek out truth. Evasive people are not inclined toward insight and awareness. So he really isn�t interested in being challenged on the personal, philosophical level. That makes him too vulnerable. He wants the comfortable routine, the level keel, putting little or no thought into the whys of life. Maybe this will help answer your question. It isn't just about "hanging onto every word". There are other, very obvious behaviors that will be a glaring red flag to an aware woman. No one is perfect 100% of the time. But if a man fits several of any of these signs in one of these categories, in an extreme way, chances are, there is more to it than the woman just being picky or judgmental. These types of men have severe and deep emotional issues they need counseling for before they can be in a serious and HEALTHY relationship. Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 6 Sep, 2011 07:28 PM You really expect me to read all that! Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 6 Sep, 2011 07:40 PM @peacenic: Oh I see. Confidence is a better clarification. Something to keep in mind, or at least something brought to my mind, regarding to your allusion to the 'moments' is confidence untested is no confidence at all. I'd say confidence is ultimatley a physiological (I think that's the more scientific word for mystical so it still fits in neatly) thing. It's your behaviors reflection of you mindset AND your mindset reflected in your behavior at the same time. Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 6 Sep, 2011 07:48 PM @MyCrownIsGod: jk'ing. That was a really good and really thorough post. You clearly know your stuff. Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 7 Sep, 2011 05:02 AM exactly! He is insecure,loner it He is trying to get to know You..player,flirt,if He is avoiding getting to know You...:ROFL: Post Reply
MyCrownIsGod View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 7 Sep, 2011 02:20 PM It helps that I took a few basic psychology classes. Not that I psychoanalyze everyone I meet. Not every guy is going to have these issues...but when you've dated a few people who clearly have emotional problems, and know from personal experience, it's easy to spot the patterns. Post Reply
View Profile History	mystical middle ground? Posted : 10 Sep, 2011 03:20 PM I know what you mean or are getting at though I think, sometimes it does seem like you can't do anything right and that you're doomed before you even start so why bother? That's where I'm at anyway. Post Reply