I'm a veracious reader & currently I am looking for recommendations on dating/relationship books.
I've read 'Every Man's Battle' ( which is more about men's biology). I've also read 'Love & Respect', which was so good I gave it to my parents for Christmas.
"Thanks for the homework, son."
The old man wasn't too happy . . . but ma sure was!
1) "The 10 Commandments of Dating" by Ben Young and Samuel Adams. This is one of the best books I've ever read about dating. It's geared a little bit more toward young people, and makes the assumption that a person will date many different people before finally being ready to settle down, but overall the authors make some excellent points.
2) "Passion and Purity" and
3) "Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot. Granted, these books are a little more "old fashioned" and "conservative" than you might be looking for, but they do have a lot of very good insight. I really enjoyed both of them, even if I didn't totally agree 100% with everything that was said.
4) "Boundaries in Dating" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This one is similar to the first book I listed. It's full of good advice, tips on how to make sure that your relationship is healthy, etc.
5) "101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged" by H. Norman Wright. This book has, as the title suggests, 101 important questions that should be asked before THE question ("Will you marry me?") is asked. There is also a brief explanation of things to look for in answers, and some warnings about certain answers.
6) "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. While this book is geared towards couples, I found it helpful in deciphering things about dating as well. There are several books in the "Love Languages" series, though, so there might be one that is more geared toward dating relationships or singles in general.
7) "Letters to Karen" and
8) "Letters to Philip" by Charlie Shedd. I've only read "Letters to Karen", but it was excellent. True, it focuses on how to keep love in marriage, and assumes that the person reading it has probably already found someone that he/she loves and wants to marry (or has already married), but it still has a lot of great insight into romantic relationships in general.
9) "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and
10) "Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship" by Joshua Harris. I'm a bit undecided about these books. They are basically good, but I know some people who have taken courtship to the extremes; that has somewhat soured me to the good things that I feel sure are in the books. I need to get my hands on them again and read them...I haven't read them since high school.
I noticed you said something about folks taking courtship to the extremes. Well, that's basically what crashed my last relationship. Truth is, some people have a tremendous amount of "book sense", yet when it comes to "common sense" they fail horribly! It seems to me that this generation has turned it's back on the true meaning of faith. True faith is the belief that when we pray, God will supply our need. The problem is this: Too many people believe in God and in His power and ability to pull off a miracle, yet when they pray they don't believe that He will be faithful to His Word even though He's unable to lie! The question isn't whether or not a person "believes in God", but rather that they "believe God" without doubting. The scriptures declare that if a person doubts, then let them expect to receive NOTHING from the Lord. It says that such a person is double minded and unstable in all that they do...they are tossed around like a wave. My point is this: Yes, books might be helpful in some cases, but taking things to an extreme is absolute foolishness. I believe God expects us to exercise "common sense" (not "book sense") when it comes to a relationship or marriage!
I think gaining wisdom seeking knowledge will do no harm, but I think Focus really hit on something. At the end of the day God orders our step in the right season. I consider myself pretty capable when it comes to relationships, but I find that in this season I am still in the dark about some things and must rely on God to bring me where He wants me. Trusting him isnt easy, because often walking His ways sometimes SEEMS unatural, but He is soverign and knows better than I.
Focus and Rabbit, both of you make good points. When I read "relationship" books, I try really hard to see how they can help me mature in my relationship with God and not just how they can help me with dating relationships. Some books, like "Passion and Purity", are valid for anyone at any life stage, not just singles. Also, some of the advice in the books just won't work in every situation! That's what we have common sense for, I guess!
I've read most of the above mentioned and was surprised one of my favorites wasn't listed. It's called "When God writes your Love Story" (sorry cant remember authors names). It's written by a young married couple, their singleness struggles, their coupleness struggles and offers lots of perils of wisdom :)
Read "The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Chaos," by Larry Crabb.
The kind of woman you're looking for is going to be incredibly attracted to the guy that book teaches you to be, because it teaches you to be a strong man of God. For most, if not all guys, it will knock their spiritual socks off (Ladies, it's probably better that you hold off on reading it).
If you're a strong man of God, what is there to dating, really? You meet a girl you're interested in, you ask her out, she either says yes or no, and you go from there. If she says yes, at some point you stop seeing each other, or you get married. Guys usually really need tips on how to get a "yes" more often or tips on things to do to keep her interested in them, but I feel like actual Christian dating books don't really do any of that.
"If you think you are standing strong, take heed lest you fall"
-1 Corinthians 10:12
Anyone with experience knows relationships take a lot of sacrifice, communication, & effort. Look at what Hosea had to go through!
King Solomon wrote, "Listen to wise advice; follow it closely, for it will do you good, and you can pass it on to others: Trust in the Lord."
I've found that those that are "book smart" but lacking in wisdom are not applying what they are taught. James wrote about this passionately in the New Testament.
I've also found "common sense" people are full of pride in their "self-reliance", rather than being led by His Word & His Spirit.
I know that iron sharpens iron for the good of our benefit-- Thanks everyone.
"His Rules" by Christopher L. Burge and Pamela Toussaint. This is uniquely written by two singles that aren't romantically involved. It is NOT a how to find the "right" one, but rather how to BE the "right" one. There are 15 Rules. They are as follows:
1) Make sure your relationship map isn't upside down
2) Meet your personal mentor
3) Know the Plan
4) Practice intimacy now
5) Clean House
6) Put the kingdom above the ???
7) Recognize stop signs
8) wait, don't whine
9) Pare down your pals
10) Quit looking back
11) Test the soil
12) Learn what Mr or Mrs right needs
13) Watch the wiring
14) Handle the heat
15) listen more talk less
I am actually teaching this book to a group of ladies Sept-Nov Hope you check it out...it's spirit-filled and I loooved this book!
