Author	Thread: any of you need cooling time?
hubbarddebra99 View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 12:19 PM thanks to sojourner for giving me this idea: ladies, "and gentlemen" when you are angry, do you need at least a half hour ALONE before you can talk about the problem sensably? I DO! Most guys I dated understood; but my first husband would get so scared, he wouldn't give me that time alone, and I would get mader, and mader! Anyone else like that? Post Reply
View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 06:51 PM As long as it gets talked out. Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 06:59 PM Taking a break, walking away, etc are techniques we teach kids to avoid conflict...they apply in a relationship, too. I used to ask for 15 minutes when I arrived home from work to transition from work mode and de-stress from sitting in DC traffic. This prevented me from 'snapping' at the wrong person. You do have to take the time to work to resolution...don't let the sun go down on your wrath! Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 07:07 PM Sometimes I do need cooling off time just so that I don't allow frustration or anger to make me say things I'll regret. However, if that cooling off time is too long, or there's not a set time to discuss whatever the issue may be, I'm not likely to bring it up again for the sake of keeping the peace. I guess that could be good if the problem is something stupid or really insignificant, but if it's a major problem or has roots in a major problem, then it needs to be talked about sooner rather than later (or never). I might need cool-off time, but I might also need a definite "Let's talk about this in 30 minutes when we've both calmed down." Post Reply
One_Sojourner View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 10:00 PM Debra, this makes good sense :glow: I agree with each poster's comments on this one! Post Reply
riveroflife1 View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 11 Aug, 2011 11:16 AM yes, i think 30 minute cool down is good. that way both can speak rationally Post Reply
View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 11 Aug, 2011 12:44 PM Sometimes I need a cooling off, just so I can gather my thoughts rationally without the emotions. That cooling off can last 10 minutes to a day -- it depends on what set it off to begin with. Pianogal has it right :rocknroll: Post Reply
View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 13 Aug, 2011 12:37 AM It's a form of control when they can't give you some space, but also you can't stonewall a person for a long time. I think 30 minutes is good and many counselors will tell you to take a time out and then come back to the communication table. Post Reply
View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 13 Aug, 2011 11:12 AM bcpianogal I agree with what she said! :angel: Post Reply
nightfarmer View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 13 Aug, 2011 01:31 PM dont know the passage but isnt like this slow to anger ,slow to speak,,, another words think about the consequances of the words before we speak,,,, sometimes better to keep our mouths shut than to reveal our own faults,, maybe if we gave more time to the first words that leave our lips ,,we may not need the cooling off period later:glow: Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	any of you need cooling time? Posted : 13 Aug, 2011 07:06 PM The cooling off period allows time to think through what is happening. Sometimes it's not what is happening at that moment that is triggering anger, frustration, whatever. It could be something else that happened earlier and taking time to think through why you're upset, who you're upset with, and what triggered the reaction can help get through the situation without an argument. Often times the 'cause' is something totally different than what either partner thinks it is. I use a cooling off time to think about all that then I can reasonably discuss the issue. Everyone handles stress and conflict differently. A good relationship is built on understanding how your spouse needs to process it. Pushing a spouse that needs cooling off to open up and talk before he/she is ready is setting up for an argument and regrettable words. Waiting 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes shouldn't be too difficult for hours, days, weeks of agreeable conversation. Post Reply