Author	Thread: Independance...
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 06:09 PM ...what does it mean to you? This following a thread from another forum, and I was wondering how you LADIES define independance, especially in a relationship :^) Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 07:06 PM I haven't read the other thread yet...so I'm not sure if I'm answering your question quite the way you intended! Independence: for a single girl, I see that as the ability to provide food and shelter for herself, and the ability to make her own decisions. That can be a good thing (meaning that she isn't wanting a guy just for his money!), but it can also lead to a girl thinking that she doesn't need a man...and even if she gets one, she can always go back to not having one because she is an independent woman. If a girl has never been independent even in little things, though, that could be tough on a relationship because the guy will have to make 100% of the decisions and may even have to teach the girl how to make her own decisions! In a relationship, I think that independence takes on a little bit of a different meaning. Ideally, both the girl and the guy will lean on each other for support, and both will contribute to the relationship and (in the case of a marriage) to the family and home. Independence comes in when one person makes a small decision without consulting the other person; for example, if I were married, I'd like to be able to make lunch plans with a friend without asking my husband for permission. Independence could also be doing things apart from each other, like being able to take a weekend and go with my girlfriends to the beach/mountains/whatever without feeling like my husband was going to resent it. I know husbands who require their wives to ask permission for literally everything, and I know guys who resent it when their girls have fun without them...it's rarely a happy relationship. Granted, too much independence in a relationship isn't healthy either, but no independence at all would be stifling...at least, to me it would be! I hope I made sense with that. I know what I'm thinking, but sometimes it's hard to get my specific thoughts down on paper...er, online. lol Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 08:14 PM Bcpianogal, Nice explanation... Just because I can change oil, take out trash, cook, clean, mow, etc. doesn't mean I HAVE to it all. I learned somethings out of necessity and some things because my parents thought they would good things for my brothers and sisters to know. There are decisions that can be made without consulting your spouse and others that should not be made without talking it through and making the decision together. Marriage should not be a dictatorship...consensus should be more of the focus than either "getting their way". Men who think submission means do what I tell you are misinterpreting their Biblical role. God equipped us all through life experiences...nothing says that men can't be the cook and the women do the yard work (I have friend who has these 'reversed' roles). Jacob & Esau had different skills...Jacob learned to cook...was a momma's boy. Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 9 Aug, 2011 08:54 PM @ BC so would you make lunch plans with a guy friend without asking your husband? Ya'll bring up some good points. Post Reply
View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 02:01 AM In relationship I think it is reliabity to a person when you trust him that he is NOT giving you up, but he takes time out, kind of rest to analyze his life etc. This reliabity is fragile so if you have it keep it. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 04:35 AM Rabbit, I said "a friend", not "a guy friend". Please don't try to twist my words into something I did not say. If I planned to meet a guy friend for lunch, I would tell my husband and ask if he minded, but I doubt I would ask for his "permission" before making plans. If he DID mind, I would like to think that I would respect his wishes and change the plans. Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 06:13 PM whos twisting words it was a simple question Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 06:46 PM I eat lunch with 'guy friends' every day at work. I wouldn't ask permission to do that. Open and honest conversation would prevent misunderstandings. A jealous spouse is as bad as a prideful spouse. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 07:00 PM I'm sorry I snapped back at you, Rabbit. I'm sure you weren't trying to twist my words, but for some reason your wording put me on the defensive this morning. Again, I apologize. Post Reply
View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 09:09 PM "bcpianogal", I must say, your original response to this forum post is definitely a good one! You seem to suggest striking a balance on this issue. Now, if only I can find a woman around my age with your kind of wisdom...LOL :) Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Independance... Posted : 10 Aug, 2011 11:44 PM i guess you have t ask yourselves what if my spouse was dining or doing things with the opposite sex...where does independace and boudries collide? Im sure most of you dont have a problem with it...until your husband is eating lunch with a woman who by her presence makes you feel insecure. Most affairs start out innocent enough...and oddly enough at work. To me my independance takes a back seat when my spouses sence of security is threatened....assuming that it is reasonable...even if not, part of sacrafice in loving another is to give preferance to my spouse, not out of midless obediance but in love and meekness (which is controlled strength) If you want to know why I am single it is because my ex and I relaxed the boundries because she wanted a lil more freedom, and independance (aswell as other things) Post Reply

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