Author	Thread: "The Talk"
IaoKim View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 14 Jul, 2011 10:09 PM This is sort of an update from one of my previous threads several weeks ago in this section "Torn". To make a long story short, after several more weeks of thoughtful prayer, I believe it is for the best that the most my former best friend and I will ever be is friends which leaves me free to continue to pursue the girl I am casually seeing right now (most of the details can be found in the previous thread mentioned above). This Sunday I plan to have "The Talk" and hope to move to an official romantic relationship. The setting is a nice quiet evening picnic in the park watching the sunset. I have high hopes that things will go well. There have been a lot of positive signs that she is interested and is ready for a change in the relationship but of course you can never know for sure until you come out and say it! While I know basically what I want to say, I still haven't decided "how" I am going to say it. I just don't want to come out and say "Me guy, you girl, lets get together yayaya ~caveman grunt~" lol but neither do I want to come off as unconfident/nervous by being overly subtle and beating around the bush. I am the type of guy that likes to just tell you like it is, but I realize the need to be a little bit more tactful and romantic when it comes to this type of conversation. :) Basically I am trying to find that middle ground to my approach. I know every girl is different but if you ladies could let me know how you would like this conversation to go if you were in this situation then I would be most appreciative! It has been a while for me since I've been in the position to enter a serious relationship and the last one didn't exactly go very well haha. :) Guys are still welcome to give their input, but I have already had lots of input from my bros lol Post Reply
View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 15 Jul, 2011 12:57 PM Yes, you need to be tactful and romantic when it comes to this type of conversation. Try not to be too nervous be Calm if possible. That shows you are more serious about your conversation. IMO God Bless you Post Reply
View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 15 Jul, 2011 12:57 PM Yes, you need to be tactful and romantic when it comes to this type of conversation. Try not to be too nervous be Calm if possible. That shows you are more serious about your conversation. IMO God Bless you Post Reply
View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 15 Jul, 2011 04:01 PM @OP: If this is of God then be aware that your enemy will do everything to mess it up - make you late, her car break down, something to distract her just as you're about to say the words, etc. I've no success tips with women to offer, but I'd say concentrate on what you want to say, and petition God that she understands it the way you intend. Post Reply
View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 15 Jul, 2011 06:39 PM Be yourself, speak from your heart. Be honest, don't forget a bit of romance and "what I like about you" kind of things. If you can think of a topic to talk about ahead of time to segue into "The Talk", then it will seem more natural. Also: (voice of experience here) have a strategy for how you will handle "Thanks, but I don't feel the same way", or "Thanks, but I would like things to just stay the way they are." Just in case, mind you. Better to have at least thought of what you would do rather than be taken totally by surprise. God's blessing on you -- don't forget to keep praying about it. And watch for the devil's traps. Let us know how it goes! Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 17 Jul, 2011 07:56 PM I don't know if this counts as middle ground, but I've found a decent amount of success with something along the lines of, "I like you. You should be my girlfriend." It's not particularly subtle, but if she already likes you, and you're seeing her enough that you're already acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, I feel like it's not really going to matter what you say as long as you don't say too much. Us men have a habit of talking our way out of a good thing too often by saying too much. Post Reply
IaoKim View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 17 Jul, 2011 10:12 PM Well good news guys, the date and the talk went really well. Like I mentioned above, we have been going out on "dates" causally but not officially dating or as boyfriend/girlfriend. We are both the kind of people that are very careful and choosy about who we decide to be in a serious relationship with. Believe it or not the number of our combined past boyfriends/girlfriends is in the single digits! The talk went well, we had a very open and straightforward discussion -- no games or sugarcoating. I found out that she has been thinking of a having a serious relationship with me for about the same time I have but she is still not sure. Apparently her friends love me and think we would be great together which is what made her start thinking about us. If her friends already love me then that has to be half the battle right? lol A lot of her doubt and confusion about whether is she ready for a serious relationship has to do with her not being completely over her past interest. They had never officially been in a relationship because the guy had commitment issues from a serious relationship that ended badly a few years ago and said he wasn't ready to be in another serious relationship. But apparently he was ready to flirt with her and lead her on enough to make her think that he was ready for a real relationship and when she finally caught on to his game she stopped spending time with him. She doesn't have feelings for him anymore, but he goes to her Church so every Sunday when she sees him it brings up the same hurtful feelings and trust issues she now has because of what he did. All this happened over the course of the past several months. We spent several hours talking about a lot of things and we both decided to make more of an effort to see each other more regularly in various group and one-on-one settings to see how things continue to progress. I made it very clear that I understand the feelings she has to deal with and that I will be patient and wait for to make a decision. She was very open about not being sure just yet and not wanting to lead me on or make me feel that I had to wait for her for a long indefinite period of time. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. Her leaping into my arms saying yes a thousand times yes would have been nice! lol But God is good, all the time and I am certainly taking this as a positive step forward. All your prayers, input, and continued support is appreciated! Post Reply
View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 18 Jul, 2011 05:57 PM Thanks so much for sharing this update! Sounds like you are keeping God in the center and going slowly. :applause: Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	"The Talk" Posted : 18 Jul, 2011 07:40 PM Well that's good to hear, man. I just caution you to make sure that she doesn't lead you on while you're patient and understanding with her. I was in a very similar situation about two months ago, and the girl I was interested in pretty much dragged me along for an emotional roller coaster before dropping me like a sack of potatoes. I don't know whether or not that will happen with you, but I just wish I'd been willing to walk away when it became clear that she wasn't in any shape to commit any time soon. Don't pressure her too much, but don't be willing to stick around indefinitely without moving the relationship forward either. Post Reply