So just when I thinking I am beginning to grasp a slight understanding of the female mind something comes up that never fails to prove me wrong! :rolleyes::laugh:
So ladies, I know every girl is different and responds differently but I want to see if there is some sort of general consensus on this issue . . .
1. What does it mean when a girl says she had a great time and thinks we should go out more often (in a casual dating/outing not yet relationship context) but later when you ask her out again she says she already has plans?
Of course the simplest answer is often the correct one (she actually has plans).
Still when someone suggests a general time over the weekend to go out and the girl simply says she has plans without details, explanation, or suggestions for an alternative time, I find it harder to accept she already had plans in good faith.
2. How should guys avoid getting this "already have plans" answer and being sent to dating limbo without asking weeks in advance? At least with a straight no not interested we guys can get the message and move on and of course with an enthusiastic yes we know she is probably interested!
Reading minds would probably come in handy :rolleyes: haha
3. How should guys rebound from an "already have plans" rejection (assuming that the plans were valid)?
And yes this is based on a recent situation of mine (no did not meet her on this website).
This is supposed to be my summer of love and lady luck is nowhere to be found . . . I guess this weekend for me is going to be another guys night! :buddies: lol
Girls are as afraid of a man's awesome strength as they are awed by it.
If a girl is bluffing, then she's trying to get the upper hand in the relationship. It's the kind of move that falls under the category of "games," and it cannot be countered face to face.
The best reply is to take out another girl (not multiple other girls) and then fall off the radar screen. When the game girl realizes that you don't care enough about her to sacrifice the precious time you have on this planet waiting around for her royal rear to be ready for you, she'll come running back.
Then you'll have to harden your heart to the girl you were buffering with and say, "I never cared about you anyway" or face a tough two girl decision.
But I think that, strategically, it's better to have two girls pining over you than one girl playing the passive aggressive dating defense.
These answers are strictly my own opinion. They are untried! Who knows if they are accurate, would work, are even practical, etc. But perhaps you'll enjoy reading them anyway!
Q 1. What does it mean when a girl says she had a great time and thinks we should go out more often (in a casual dating/outing not yet relationship context) but later when you ask her out again she says she already has plans?
Answer: You are right...it could mean that she legitimately already has plans. I wouldn't doubt her on that in most cases. She probably has other friends, family, etc. who also want to spend time with her. (For example, I'm not dating anyone, but I frequently go places and do things with friends...if a guy asked me out specifically for a time when I already had plans, it might not be possible to clear my schedule, in which case I'd have to say "I'm sorry, but I already have plans that night to go out to eat and go bowling with a friend for her birthday.") However, if you suggest a couple different times/options and she has plans EVERY time, you can start to be suspicious. If she never says what those plans are, you can start to be suspicious. And yes, it is possible that she is trying to find a way out of getting together with you.
Q 2. How should guys avoid getting this "already have plans" answer and being sent to dating limbo without asking weeks in advance?
Answer: Ask her about a specific time and place, but have a couple backup times and places in mind as well. If she can't do Friday night, ask about Saturday night, or even Sunday after church. Surely she doesn't already have plans for EVERY day. If she does, you might ask her if there IS a time she can get together. You don't want to be pushy, so use your judgement about that. If she keeps stalling, you probably can assume that she doesn't really want to go out...if that's the case, you can wait a week or so (to give her time to think about it) and try again, or move on to someone else.
Q 3. How should guys rebound from an "already have plans" rejection (assuming that the plans were valid)?
Answer: If you don't want to ask another girl out, or don't have that option, you can enjoy an evening at home or with guy friends. Don't mope around, though. Do something you enjoy. That way when you talk to the oh-so-busy girl again, you don't sound desperate!
That's cold man. I was never into playing games in relationships. Sure it might help in the short term but in the long run I think it does way more harm than good. If I have to play these "relationship games" to get a relationship with a girl then I'll have to be doing that the whole course of the relationship. How you get them is how you are going to keep them.
I certainly would never date a girl just to make another one jealous. If I am not in a relationship I will sometimes see more than one girl but only if it is perfectly clear that it is only casual dating and not a serious exclusive relationship. Honesty and transparency are key in the casual dating "getting to know you" phase for me. I am not a player, I don't play the games. I am looking for a good Christian woman and I won't find her by acting like that!
Bcpianogal,
Thanks for the input. I really do think she was genuinely busy. I talked to her again today and she seemed generally receptive to the idea of rescheduling sometime next week. I guess I will just have to wait and see how next week plays out I suppose (after that she is going out of town for a week). And find something to occupy my time during my non-working hours lol
1. What does it mean when a girl says she had a great time and thinks we should go out more often (in a casual dating/outing not yet relationship context) but later when you ask her out again she says she already has plans?
It means that she's just not that into you. Sure there's the possibility that she actually has plans, but most likely her plans consist of not going out with you again. This is not the case if she offers an alternative. If you ask her out for Monday, and she says she can't do Monday but can do Wednesday, that most likely means that she actually is busy and still wants to go out again.
2. How should guys avoid getting this "already have plans" answer and being sent to dating limbo without asking weeks in advance? At least with a straight no not interested we guys can get the message and move on and of course with an enthusiastic yes we know she is probably interested!
A girl is pretty much either going to like you or she isn't. So your only solution if she's kind of iffy is to be more attractive as a person. Other than that, you're pretty much out of luck. One thing I suggest though is to be very straightforward with plans. Asking a girl if she wants to do something sometime this weekend does not amount to plans. Asking her if she wants to come over for dinner and a movie on Friday night does. Sometimes girls get frustrated with guys being too vague and making the girl feel like she has to plan everything.
3. How should guys rebound from an "already have plans" rejection (assuming that the plans were valid)?
If she doesn't offer an alternative, it doesn't really matter if her plans are valid. Your best bet to change that is to tell her that if she's too busy to see you again, this is where the two of you are going to have to part ways. Then don't call her again. If she calls you, you win. Wait probably 3 weeks, and if you still want to give her another shot, you can call her again.
I really like the suggestion to date another girl, but I don't agree with fake-dating her. If you find another girl to go on a date with, go on a date with her. She agreed to go out with you, and the other girl didn't. As long as you aren't going on more than a date a week or so, and you make sure to be clear that this isn't serious right now, there's nothing wrong with going out with multiple girls. Like I said in my other post, either the girl you liked first realizes what she missed, you find out the girl you've gone out on a couple dates with is better, or you realize you don't really like either one, and you find another girl. Either way, you win.
My dear friend all the advice given you so far is hogwash. My advice is good. Find another girl and invite the game girl out to eat at the same time. Put them on opposite sides of the resturant. Go from girl to girl with both meals. Just do not get caught.
I saw it in a movie once. When they catch you, one less guy to take my girl.:ROFL:
