I've been reading posts for a while now and the general consensus among women is that they ignore "winks" sent on this site. Most ignore being added as a favourite and some even ignore short messages that just say hi, but most would respond at that point.
So, my question is: what would a guy have to do to make you respond to him (in any form)?
And then something for you to think about: who's sent you a wink that you've ignored? Could you have even deleted mr. right without realising it?
I used to respond to 'winks', most of the guys who sent them weren't seriously considering a relationship, and had a lot of other women in mind. Now this was only that case with a few people I talked to, and my experiences don't speak for everyone's, but men should put a little effort into writing. Women are telling you what grabs their attention and instead of listening, people instead remark about where they're going wrong.
I don't have the mentality that I just deleted Mr. Right, my future husband, what have you, because I know the Lord, and anyone who understands that the Lord has to be in a marriage will understand that finding a spouse doesn't always and only rely on human perception, and human interaction. There's really a lot more involved than people notice.
People focus too much on themselves, instead of God and what he has in store.
If I had to focus on every little thing, constantly believing I'd miss Mr. Right by something as simple as a whim then I'd have no peace.
Everything else in our lives isn't on a whim, it's by the Lord.
To answer you're question, talk to me, about something, anything!
Say what's on your mind!
You have to remember, I don't know you! I don't know if you're a good man, or a bad man, or if you're not having a good intention, this is a public internet dating site...
Speak to me about your morals, talk to me about things that matter to you, more importantly, TALK TO ME ABOUT THE LORD. I want to hear that stuff!
There's a lot of people on this dating site, and if you talk to a girl, ten to one she's talked to someone who wasn't so nice, make her know you're different!
I guess I went a little crazy here, so I'm sorry if I offended you. Really, there's no excuse for not responding.
But it's hard when you have guys who write you letters, and guys who just say "Hi, how are you?" or wink.
Q: "What would a guy have to do to make you respond to him (in any form)?"
A: The choice to respond to a guy is about far more than just a message vs. a wink, or the length of message, or even what the message says. It's the whole package, so to speak...his profile, his picture, his wink/message, his forum posts (if any), and other stuff as applicable.
Think about it this way. I'm in the grocery store looking at ice cream. A guy who is also looking at ice cream smiles at me and asks a question about whether this brand is better than that brand. We chat about ice cream for a minute. I will probably make a snap judgement based on that brief encounter...and he will likely make a snap judgement about me as well. I am either attracted to him or I am not. Sometimes, I might not even bother with a one-minute chat if the guy totally creeps me out...I would just answer his question and move away.
A similar thing happens online...I have a brief encounter with someone's online persona, and I make a snap judgement. I'm not saying that snap judgements are always good. I know I've incorrectly judged some people. If the snap judgement is positive, though, I'll communicate with him until the conversation fizzles or I find a dealbreaker...and in one case, I made a close guy friend (we met in person after a year of online chats, and we are getting together again in a couple weeks...but we aren't dating). If the judgement is negative, I just tell him we wouldn't make a good match.
Q: "And then something for you to think about: who's sent you a wink that you've ignored? Could you have even deleted Mr. Right without realizing it?"
A: I would guess that 75% of the guys who wink at me are old enough to be my father or even my grandfather. It's creepy. I just ignore those because I KNOW that I'm not interested, no matter how great he might be. Another 20% are from guys that I'm just not at all interested in for one reason or another (meaning that I see automatic dealbreakers in their profiles). The last 5% are winks from guys who seem great. Those are rare, of course, but I do respond to them with a message that thanks them for the wink and opens the door for conversation. So far, I've only heard back from 2 guys that I messaged after receiving a wink. One turned out to be someone that I just wasn't interested in even after we messaged back and forth for several weeks. The other guy got mad about something I said, and went nuts on me...it was scary enough that I was VERY glad I hadn't given him any traceable info!
Did those lengthy answers come close to answering your questions?
Well, a guy must invite conversation. I can't really base a conversation off of a wink, especially when said wink is typically from a guy who hasn't filled out his profile or who doesn't appear to be compatible from the info he does provide. If he appears to be incompatible, then that makes me wonder if he even read MY profile... because if he had, surely he would have noticed that we're not compatible.
As far as messages go, I get messages from the same kinds of guys. My *favourite* is when I guy hasn't filled out his profile at all and then sends a message that says only: "You're cute!" What am I supposed to say that??!! If I have time, I simply respond with, "Thank you." That puts the ball back in his court. He'll typically respond again, but with something equally as difficult to start a conversation with, such as, "You're welcome." And I've even tried responding to such messages with, "So, tell me about yourself." What's *funny* is when I then get a response back that says something like, "My profile says it all" (Really? It's virtually blank!) or, "I'm a Christian guy looking for my princess," or, "I work a lot and love sports." Again, not enough information to have a meaningful conversation!!!
So, I would say that if a guy wants to have a conversation with a woman on here, he must learn how to have a conversation. This is a skill that parents (and teachers) should be teaching children from an early age, so I'm not sure why so many people are so inept it. Even my autistic brother is better at conversation than many of the guys who have contacted me.
How does a guy expect to get to know a girl if he's not willing to have actual conversation that involves more than two word or one sentence responses??
I received a wonderful message on here a few weeks ago that doesn't appear to have been too difficult for the guy to string together. It's just 7 sentences long, but it was nice! He opened it with a funny line, stated a couple of things about my profile that he liked, asked a couple of questions, and then closed with saying that he looked forward to hearing from me. So, I glanced at his profile, and he'd actually filled it out enough that I could see some basic compatibility there. We messaged on here for 3-4 days and then moved things onto Facebook, where we've been writing lengthy messages back-and-forth pretty much daily for the past 6 weeks. And we've been chatting, too. Anyway, it's going really well so far, and I don't think that he would say that he had to extend some extraordinary, agonizing amount of effort to get the conversation rolling.
So, fill out your profile and then actually start genuine conversations with women. I don't think that most of us are looking for absolute perfection when it comes to getting messages, but some basic conversation skill is a must!
Oh, and to answer your 2nd question: "And then something for you to think about: who's sent you a wink that you've ignored? Could you have even deleted Mr. Right without realizing it?"
Honestly? If he's my Mr. Right, he'll want to talk to me and pursue me. If he's so passive-aggressive that the most he can do is wink, then he's simply not that interested. If he's really interested and really want to get to know me, he'll talk to me. It's that simple. And could a man really be the head of household and handle all that comes along with that if he's the kind of guy who doesn't even have enough initiative to send a message?? I'm convinced that the majority of guys who send winks have bought into the lies of feminism and don't really have a concept of Biblical masculinity.
So my question for the guys would be: If you're so convinced that the women whose profile your looking at is Miss Right, then why not send a message and get to know her? Do you really think you can base a relationship off of winking back and forth??
I can't add anything to what Ms. Marvel or PianoGal said. I responded to winks when I first started here. Meaning winks that were not followed by anything else. Never received a reply back. If a man winks and messages me, then he gets a response.
If you want to say Hi, then do so ---- but please (please please) say something more than "Hi there". Good golly -- what am I supposed to do with that? Give me something to work with.
I try to respond to all my winks, even if it's just a short thank you, because who likes to be ignored?
A guy really catches my attention when he asks an open-ended question about my interests or something that I wrote on my profile. That shows some effort and leaves a much better impression than a general "hi, how are you?"
I would feel offended wen a guy winks at me in real life....thats y i don't wink back or reply to winks....an this decision has partly been frm the discussions....i had been winkin back...then i thought abt it...an decided otherwise....
Well thanks for your answers, ladies! Lots of good information which I can use to improve my profile AND hopefully not bore you to tears in my first ever message!
Which leads me onto my next question...
How do you keep the conversation going beyond the initial, hi, how are you type thing? I initially thought I was just shy but I've come to realise that's not the whole truth. You'll have to bear with me because I'm going to be more open and personal than I'm really comfortable with, but here goes:
Basically I went through most of my early childhood without friends as such (I did have a few but not many) because by the time I left nursery I had already been marked out as "different" by the other kids* and was treated as an outcast. This meant that I missed out a lot of learning and experience of basic social interaction which most people take for granted - and spent a lot of playtimes alone. Of course, over time I learned to cope with that (an active imagination helps) and even enjoy being left alone, but it did leave me socially awkward and a bit of a misfit for many years afterwards. I'm not complaining, after all, when I became a Christian aged 11 it was easier to cope with people making fun of me because I'd had that already for years before, and I had less of the world in me to leave behind.
Thankfully, I've matured a lot since then and learnt to be more comfortable around people; I can interact with them, socialise within my limitations, and nowadays you'd be hard pressed to know it was ever any different. But it is different, and the things guys half my age knew (especially regarding talking to the opposite sex) still come as revelations to me. That and my early years mean I don't tend to speak a great deal, about anything, let alone what I'm thinking/feeling, and especially not to someone I've not met. Don't get me wrong, start a subject off and I can talk for England if it's something I have an opinion on - just look at my forum posts for proof of that! But just talking one-on-one fizzles out very quickly and it's so frustrating to start chatting to someone and within a few messages I just don't know what to say without it sounding like I'm interviewing them!
*I was born (and still am) partially deaf and needed an operation to have grommets fitted to my ears. This meant I couldn't play with water or sand which was a big part of nursery school activities and I would have to sit out and watch the other kids. I also speak with a lisp, probably due to the hearing problem. I've actually improved as I've grown older and normal everyday life isn't a problem in any way (except if there's too much background noise, then I can't make out what people are saying to me), but it was enough at 4yrs old to be marked out as different and that was that.
Anyway, sorry for the long post and I hope you understand why it's so difficult for me. I wouldn't normally tell strangers this much about my past and I'm glad that in a few days time, this post will have been buried and forgotten about...
I admire you for your vulnerability. :) I have a hard time opening up and posting what I'm actually feeling/thinking too. I overanalyze my words too much and end up not saying anything, but I'm getting better. :)
Pick something in her profile and google it. Then ask her questions about it if you end up searching for something to talk about. :)
