There are different presentations of the gospel that have to be used in different situations. I highly doubt that launching into the Bridge Diagram would help your friend. However, try talking to her about how you know how hard it is to struggle with body image and constantly trying to be thin enough for everybody, but that you've found freedom from that in Christ. Christ died to set us free from the bondage of this fallen world, and he's in the process of putting broken things back together. He loves you and has given you freedom, and you care about her so much that you want her to have that freedom and that joy as well.
You might have to translate that into women-talk for her, but hopefully that's something close
Also, what would have been very helpful for me when I was first getting started w/ recovering from this is if people did more than just offer advice. Like, if they were willing to invest time to read a recovery-related book w/ me or something or even just pray w/ me. Those are ways that you can help someone emotionally and help show the character of Christ. I have 4 books that have been helpful to me, and I would recommend that anyone struggling w/ an eating disorder read them, or anyone who cares about someone w/ an ED and wants to come alongside them and walk through that w/ them. They're all Christian books, so if you wanted to go through one w/ a friend who wasn't a believer, then it would also give you lots of openings to share Christ on a real meaningful level.
The Real Me, Being the Girl God Sees, by Natalie Grant
Yes, it's by singer/songwriter Natalie Grant and is autobiographical =) It talks about her journey through bulimia and self image issues and has lots of questions in it and space to write answers. It's geared towards a woman who is college-aged probably, but would appeal to anyone probably.
Deceived by Shame, Desired by God, by Cynthia Spell Humbert
This book was really so transformational for me. There's just 1 chapter specifically about eating disorders... But, it talks about the things that happen to us and the things that we do to ourself that undermine who we are in Christ. It really helped me to see that I shouldn't be living in shame and "gave me permission" to break free from that and to pursue God wholeheartedly.
Loving Your Body, Embracing Your True Beauty in Christ, by Dr. Deborah Newman
I need to read this one again. Focus on the Family sent it to me a few years back and I've read it a few times. Every time I read it, it renews my mind... In the sense that it brings me back to that place where I value my body rather than mistreating it or thinking poorly about it.
Hope, Help, & Healing for Eating Disorders, by Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D.
This one is actually really boring, but it is in a workbook-type format and would be great for a couple of friends or group of people to go through together. It's a very holistic approach to recovery in that it really does cover every aspect of it... physical, spiritual, etc.
Anyways, those are the books that have helped me, and I don't think that any of them are so "super spiritual" that your friend who isn't a believer would be turned off by them.
@Tulip: tried that and she had self-talk and refused to listen, again and again. But I agree, that is the truth anyway. Perhaps I should go with Pixy and go on with the books =) thanks for the tips!
@Pixy: wow I never heard of those books, thanks for the recommendation! Eh Pix, can I ask u somethin? What is eating disorder? I can always google/wiki it, but hearing from someone who once had it may give different perspective :-) how did u get it? You can to me privately if you think of not sharing in the open forum =)
So, the scale issue has been resolved... After hopping on it about a dozen times throughout the day today and thinking of little else other than my weight, I decided to make it less easy to access... It's now in the trunk of my car, in a box that's COVERED w/ layers of tape, underneath a stack of papers w/ Bible verses written on them. So, if I get to urge to go weigh myself, I'll be forced to stop and think about it first... This should help... not being able to just "mindlessly" hop on it throughout the day.
And I've been doing better w/ my eating today and feeling a little more emotionally together =) What has continually frustrated me w/ trying to be healthy, though is that I have trouble knowing what "normal" is, as I said at the beginning of the thread. I really have no idea how much I need to eat... and the amount of calories I consume doesn't seem to correlate whatsoever to my drastic fluctuations in weight/body size.
Here's what I've eaten so far today. Feel free to jump in and tell me if this seems normal or not:
Breakfast- 1 cup Kashi cereal drowned in soy milk :goofball:
Snack- handful of banana chips
Lunch- 1 cup leftover pasta (rotini noodles, tomato, chicken, garlic and pineapples)
Snack- Apple slices w/ pumpkin smeared on them
I can't believe I just typed that. What a thing to post on a dating site... LOL... :goofball:
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@JesusLoves- Glad I could help. I've spent dozens of frustrating hours over the years trying to find good resources, so I'm more than happy to share when I find some!
RE: What is an eating disorder?
Well, the most commonly talked about ones are where people are trying to lose weight... But they go way past the point of normal dieting and do things like skipping meals, making themselves throw up after they eat, obsessively exercising, etc. Another thing that differentiates an eating disorder from a diet is that there are usually some kind of emotional/psychological issues behind them... such as issues w/ self-esteem or needing to feel in control. And people w/ eating disorders are usually in physical danger, either because they're not getting the nutrients their bodies need to survive or because they're damaging their digestive tract through self-induced vomiting.
RE: How did I get an eating disorder?
It happened slowly. I was in the 8th grade at school and developing faster than any of my classmates. I had the biggest chest of anyone at school (even bigger than any of the teachers, I think) and was getting stared at a lot. This, coupled with some other issues from childhood, made me extremely dissatisfied w/ my body. I mainly just wanted to be flat-chested... It didn't help that my mother always weighed herself every day and was always badgering me to do it and demanding to know what my weight was. Seeing that # go up and having her tease me about it really hurt. And I would tell her that it made me feel bad, but she said I was just being too sensitive.
So, I started skipping breakfast (my mom never cared if I ate it anyway) and then tossing out my lunch at school everyday that she'd packed for me. The problem was that I was always SO hungry. Well, I was on the school newspaper staff w/ this girl (whose name I can't even remember right now)... and I was telling her that I was trying to lose weight but really hungry all of the time... So, she suggested that I just eat whatever I want and then make myself throw it up. And then she took me into the school bathroom and taught me how to force myself to throw up.
And I was instantly hooked and didn't stop for a very long time. Seven years after I started, I got really sick from it, and I was throwing up blood every time I did it and actually having trouble keeping food down. And I ended up in the campus health clinic (my junior year of college) for another issue and ended up being officially diagnosed with bulimia. It really made me mad at the time to have that label put on me, but it was good because I'd been telling myself for 7 years that what I was doing wasn't really a problem. So, it got me thinking about my choices.
Anyway, why I started and why I kept doing it are kind of different. I mean, I've always wanted to lose more weight and have always struggled w/ having extra pounds (probably mostly because I've completely killed my metabolism), but that wasn't really what kept me going.
For me, a lot of it has been about control. Because of a lot of stuff in my life, I haven't felt in control over some very basic things, and this was a way to take control back. It was like my way of saying, "This is something that is completely mine that you can't take from me and that you can't control." It felt very empowering. It was also a distraction... It takes a lot of emotional, mental, and physical energy to maintain an eating disorder... the lying and the physical toll it takes on your body... And all of that distracted me from stuff that was going on at home. My eating disorder was like my private little world that I could retreat to and ignore everything else. It became a very "primal" coping mechanism for me.
Another big issue that kept me going is that I met other women with eating disorders and I felt like they understood me on a level that nobody else did, and I didn't want to lose that group and that sense of belonging. And part of me didn't even know who I was anymore. I was scared that if I gave up my eating disorder that I wouldn't have anything left. I'd poured so much time and energy into it, that I had no clue who I would be or what I would do w/out it, if that makes sense.
So, I eventually moved out of my parents' house 6-1/2 years ago and I was determined to turn my life around. And the motivating factor was that I really wanted to be a wife and mother someday and I knew that my eating disorder had no place in that and that I had to give it up. I knew that I couldn't have both. And I saw a counselor for a few months and spent a lot of time in prayer and reading my Bible. And I was recovered...
But then I relapsed after about a year and started making myself throw up just about everything. And I started to get really sick again... But I got back on track after a few months. And I've slipped up a few times since them, but overall have actually been doing pretty well.
What's different now from when I initially decided to recover is that I'm doing it for God. Sure, I want to bring an eating disorder into marriage w/ me, but I also realized that an eating disorder doesn't have any place in my relationship w/ God either... and that anytime I have something in my life that I'm in bondage to, that I'm not devoting myself completely to God. I'm not serving Him like I should, or submitting to Him... And I guess I finally decided that I want Jesus more than I want my eating disorder.
But, as is evident here, I do really still struggle. It's this temptation that I really try hard to fight most of the time, but do give into sometimes.
(And just in case anyone is curious about how I got away with doing this and why my parents never stepped in... My parents never once mentioned it. I think they must have known, but were just in denial.)
Wow... that was long... But it was good for me to type that out and remind myself of some things, even if it doesn't help anyone else! :goofball:
Anyway, if you (or anyone else), would like more details, please feel free to message me. I'm willing to be open about it as long as I know it's going to help someone =)
Oh wow, thank you for sharing. Are your fingers doing ok? Lol.
Anyway, your story really caught up my attention that I did not put any attention on the traffic jam I am in now lol maybe you should keep sharing your stories just to distract people haha jk.
Anyway, again, thanks for sharing, I know it is not easy to talk on an open forum like this.
Mmmm you mentioned of a body parts that are big and even bigger than what the teachers had (I don't even know how to write this in appropriate way lol) anyway, you know what I mean :D and then.. How do you feel about it now? Once again, I apologize if I should not ask bout this on the open forum.. Anyway, my inbox is always available for you to drop in, k? =)
Since I come from different planet than most of you guys here lol (most of people on the site are American), here where I live, we don't face overweight as an issue, I think it applies to most Asian countries. So, reading your story it is totally a new thing for me.
So how did you stop living that kind of lifestyle? Did you just meditate the Words, read books you mentioned, or someone approached you and helped you out with it? Did any Christian contribute anything to your healing process?
Btw, glad to hear of you have got rid of your scale. Reading to your last post, I think it is the best option you should take =)
@JesusLoves- My fingers are very tired and so am I. I have been writing ALL NIGHT LONG. This was just a little bit of writing that you saw here =)
To answer your questions, nobody ever really approached me about my eating disorder. I hid it completely until I went to college. Once I was in college, I had a mentor through Campus Crusade for Christ who knew a little about what was going on w/ me... But she was 2 years ahead of me and spent most her senior year abroad, so she wasn't really present for 1/2 of my college career. She did encourage me to get counseling, but that wasn't something I was open to at the time.
Other than that, I have a very select few friends who've ever known that I've struggled w/ an eating disorder and none of them really have approached me about it; in fact, they've seemed very uncomfortable w/ it and happy to change the subject if I did happen to mention it.
Eating disorders are also just so commonplace here that people don't always really think much about them. I had a roommate years ago who knew that I was recovering from bulimia, but she'd been bulimic too and didn't really see much wrong w/ it, so she wasn't much of an encouragement... She was just like, "Yeah, what girl doesn't do that sometimes?! It's no big deal!"
So, other than a few months of counseling 6 years ago, I've pretty much been on my own w/ this. I've talked to a counselor w/ Focus on the Family a few times this year, and that has helped some. Really, it's just been God... Lots of prayer, reading those books, and reading my Bible.
As far as my "body parts," I am still very self-conscious. Because they are much larger than average, men stare at me and people make really rude comments that are embarrassing. If everyone else would just ignore them, though, I think that I would be okay w/ them. I've gotten used to them, at any rate.
Please let me know if you have any further questions =)
"So, the scale issue has been resolved... After hopping on it about a dozen times throughout the day today and thinking of little else other than my weight, I decided to make it less easy to access... It's now in the trunk of my car, in a box that's COVERED w/ layers of tape, underneath a stack of papers w/ Bible verses written on them. So, if I get to urge to go weigh myself, I'll be forced to stop and think about it first... This should help... not being able to just "mindlessly" hop on it throughout the day."
