Author	Thread: Do nice guys generally finish last?
ArtisticInIowa View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 6 Feb, 2012 08:04 AM Okay ladies, this is probably a dumb question to begin with. I'm just curious, but why does it seem like the nice guys generally finish last? The only reason I ask is because that is what it feels like most days. Maybe it's because they don't believe I have a backbone, although it seems for the majority that they think there is a hitch.... You know...."Hey you're a really nice guy, but if I met you I'm afraid you'd be completely different." My recent question I was asked in regards to my divorce. I guess if I'm divorced it means that we both had issues, which negates the fact that I'm a nice guy due to the fact that I am divorced. My ex divorced me because she said she didn't love me anymore, didn't want to try to work it out and in the long run wasn't too happy with my quite controlling father. I didn't think it was to much to ask for a chance, but it's odd that I seem to get a "there's got to be a hitch somewhere" with the majority of women I speak to. Yes, I am real. Yes, I would give the coat off my back to someone who was cold, or the food off my plate if someone was hungry. I strive to be like Christ on a daily basis and am happy with the man I am. There is no hidden agenda, just a man who wants to find a woman who shares similar interests and wants to be happy and in love for the rest of their life. Thanks for any and all answers... Matt Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 04:15 AM Same here, same here. I'm just wondering if women realize we see it like that too. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 04:20 AM I mispoke. I meant to say: I just wonder if women see it like that too. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 04:24 AM Most of them don't, trust me when I say it because although we men are seen as superficial and shallow beings who only seem to look at physical appearence, it can be said the same for women on a different level: confidence or perceived confidence (arrogance), wealth, possessions, status - I mean if the man worked hard to get there with dignity and humility then great, but if he's been the corporate bully or the jocky lip-smacking arrogant jerkfaces, then Houston; we have a problem. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 05:25 AM IODC I don't think you're wrong, but I also don't like that I can't see the thread when I reply so I can't really remember what you said. I just have a deep aversion to medieval imagery, that isn't to say it's right or wrong, I just don't find it attractive. Which may be irrelevant to the conversation, I don't know. I don't like the idea of knights and people saying "milady" or chivalry because I feel like chivalry is often used by "nice guys" (in the internet/cultural definition of the term) and used poorly. If you really need a metaphor, I don't know, use Indiana Jones or something. Indiana Jones is always relevant. Pretty sure I've said, repeatedly, that a guy needs to be "nice" in the sense of friendly, polite, well-mannered, so I don't know if that's even worth addressing. That's not what I mean by nice. Currently wondering if I started all this inane "pick up site" chatter with one of those links. I know the Sharideth link goes to one of the most reasonable blogs (and hilarious) that I have ever read. I honestly don't remember what the first one was, except it was the first result I found on Google that explained what I meant. I won't claim it's the best. Just explanatory. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 05:26 AM Also, there's a huge difference between confidence and percieved confidence or arrogance, and trust me, I can tell the difference. Confidence is usually much quieter. It's a very subtle line, but don't think there aren't women who can't tell. Many can't. But some can. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 06:09 AM I doubt it, IODC. Men and women are just wired differently. Men are logical. Which is why men rarely discuss their feelings. Women tend to rely more on their feelings. At least, thats been my experience. I had an ex girlfriend who cheated on me. I dumped her immediately. She kept calling me saying "but I love you". In my mind, logic said that if she had actually loved me, she wouldnt have cheated. Logic also said that if she cheated once, she would cheat again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Another thing that bothers me about women who want an "alpha male" or the "perfect man", is that they are always looking for "the one". And logically, that means that they will go after someone they perceive as "better" even if they are in a relationship with someone else. Post Reply
IaoKim View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 07:45 AM A guy can certainly be a gentleman and be confident in himself without being a pushover or a jerk. Of course women want a confident guy. We are supposed to be courageous and capable of leadership spiritually and otherwise especially in a marriage relationship. If a guy doesn't display those qualities when meeting or dating a girl of course she shouldn't be interested! In American culture especially, the media has destroyed the image of what a real man should be. The media has helped create a false dichotomy where confident guys are jerks and good guys are pushovers or "nice guys". Check out any modern American sitcom and you will be hard pressed to find a gentleman confident and capable of leadership in any role. Think about it just to name a few: Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, My Boys, According to Jim, Two and a Half Men, etc. The men are either womanizing jerks or completely incompetent pushovers with strong overbearing wives etc. Now to be clear, there is nothing wrong with a strong confident woman. We should prefer them if anything! But a strong woman or any woman for that matter not only wants but needs a man capable of confidence and leadership so he can fulfill his biblical role as husband and head of the house. So he can love and lead his family as Christ loves us with an unconditional, sacrificial love. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 09:51 AM No. Nothing I said referred to "the one" (a concept I don't believe in). "In American culture especially, the media has destroyed the image of what a real man should be. The media has helped create a false dichotomy where confident guys are jerks and good guys are pushovers or "nice guys"." YES. THIS. THANK YOU. The problem exists for women too but that's not the point. Basically, American - particularly CHRISTIAN - culture especially has associated confidence with arrogance, and that's wrong. Thank you for chiming in and not grossly misinterpreting what I'm trying to say. That was straight up confidence, and it wasn't jerky at all. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 02:18 PM IaoKim. Much of what you said is true. But the media has also put forth the idea that a "strong confident woman" is one of these "I am woman, hear me roar" types. No man with any self-respect wants one of those. There are very few true "Ladies" left in the US. Just because they are female doesnt mean that they are a Lady. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 9 Feb, 2012 02:18 PM IaoKim. Much of what you said is true. But the media has also put forth the idea that a "strong confident woman" is one of these "I am woman, hear me roar" types. No man with any self-respect wants one of those. There are very few true "Ladies" left in the US. Just because they are female doesnt mean that they are a Lady. Post Reply

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