Would you date (long term relationship, marry) a guy who flirts with the waitress? Weather or not he realizes he's doing it.
What do you think about this? Is it disrespectful to the waitress? If you are a waitress, what do you think when a man and women whom you are pretty sure are "together" (married , in a relationship, on a date) sit at your table and the man flirts with you?
Perhaps we need to discuss what "flirting" actually is, because I really DO think it's disrespectful. However, I acknowledge that our definitions of "flirting" might be different.
I'm actually very glad you brought that up browneyedgrlky....
And you're right. We SHOULD bring up what actually constitutes 'flirting'. Because, as I noticed in the original post, no mention was made as to what actually happened. Also, it was implied more that HE may or may have not known he was flirting. But my question on this was, did the person who saw the flirt misinterpret it as flirting.... or just being friendly.
I'm actually going to let everybody else chime in as to what THEY think constitutes 'flirting' whether or not it be 'innocent' or "overt".
I'm doing this for one very important reason. I actually grew up in a restaurant family.... My brother owns a restaurant... I've owned a niteclub... and I've worked in the entertainment fields all my life. I watch and observe over and over again to come up with my conclusions. Watching humans interact on a daily basis is both funny, and sometimes jaw dropping. Most of the people who would be on sites like this are the very ones I watch interact with each other when they enter my realm.
And in my original statement, my conclusion is drawn on the experiences I have myself as an entertainer and the attitudes of women who flirt with me to get my attention. In my "normal" life off stage, I am never flirted with. That is because women do not see other women clamoring around me. Again.... I am considered boring to them. But once I am in my environment, and women see other women around me......it's a totally different beast altogether.
But I'm going to ask you a question first..... and then I'll turn it over to the floor....
If I said.....
"You have a very wonderful smile in your picture....."
I never said it wasn't disrespectful. Only that women psychologically respond to it differently as a "natural law of attraction" verses one of "morality" as being a law that attracts or keeps.
I'll give you some examples of my response to your question.
If I was your waitress and you had a date with you, I would look at you, smile and say "Thank You!" and then I would turn to your date and try to read her body language to see if your comment to me offended her. Some women might take your comment as flirting, and some may not. If I saw she was offended, I would try to find some sort of comment to ease her mind. Maybe I would compliment HER smile? =)
If we were to be standing in the same check out line at Wal-Mart (because I live in the sticks and that's what we do! Haha!), I would make eye contact, smile, and say "Thanks! That's very nice". If a woman was with you, I'd do the same as above. If you were alone and I found you attractive, I might check your finger to see if you are married. But, I'm very bashfull and old fashioned; I would not initiate any further conversation.
If we were on an internet dating site and you sent me a PM, I would read your profile, then I would send you a reply that would read, "Thank you very much! =)"
Basically, I would not consider your comment to be flirting...at least initially. One comment like that does not suggest an interest, in my opinion. Generally, I try very hard not to assume things.
I think this might be where perception comes into play.
Perception is reality...think about it. Also, perception and assumption go hand in hand.
Example: Let's say we are back in Wal-Mart, I noticed you were not wearing a wedding ring. I should not just assume that you are not married. There are plenty of married people that don't wear rings. However, if you were wearing a wedding ring, some would assume that you were flirting with me and therefore perceive you as a player. It would not matter what your intention was, it's all about perception.
To be disrespected, we have to perceive that someone has disrespected us. So, to keep from disrespecting others, we must take into account how they perceive us, including our actions.
This post is quite similar to another one about men and women riding in car pools or whatever it was and crossing the line and what dangers can happen.
Flirting is most definitely a grey area.... And I very much stay away from grey areas because there are far too many shades of it.... (most of them, in fact, being "shady"). I'll even go so far as to say that, as much as I would like to, I don't even pay women very many compliments these days. Not that I wish to be mean or insensitive, or rude, or unfeeling or that I might not think it inside.... but because there simply ARE too many grey areas of perception. Doesn't do too well for my dating life or meeting somebody... but it at least keeps me out of trouble too.
I think everybody should be complimented and made to feel good... but I also know from experience in the past that my simply being nice has also wound up with a "bull whipping" from the woman I was with at the time out of "insecurity" or "jealousy" even if I were to just compliment somebody else on a smile or how they looked in their dress or pick whatever..... As I mentioned in my first response though on this subject.... it is that very "bull whipping" I was talking about that is one of the responses to "attractions" I mentioned... As negative as a reaction as it is on the part of the person giving me the lashings for being nice.... they certainly perked up if I paid somebody else a compliment..... LOL
I don't really understand what you're talking about with the "bull whipping"?
From what I've gathered, maybe you ought to go after a different kind of girl because what you're describing doesn't sound like most of the Christian women I know. Actually, that sounds like a new topic. But I'll let you start it if you'd like.
