The real issue is what did the guy in question mean by the word "nice"? He surely didn't mean all the bad things that many women think he means.
But you can't change minds, so the brother needs to just abandon that word and use another. Pixy is right, too. If that's all he said, that's not very descriptive.
As for women not dreaming of abusive jerks, you'd probably be surprised. Many, many romances go right up to that line if not over it. When emotions get involved, so many things get ignored. It's a typical and sad scenario: woman sees a guy; guy has rough edges; woman sees red flags but ignores them because he makes her feel something; woman ends up hurt. The problem there is that women often fail to distinguish arrogance from confidence and so fall for men that mistreat them.
Now of course I'm not saying that the only options are spineless whimpdom and hide-the-bodies abuser. I'm just saying that being "nice" shouldn't be an epithet and isn't an epithet to men who use it correctly. It's only people who have bought in to the word's redefinition that think it means something horrible. Personally, I heart words and I hate it when people read meanings into them instead of what the writer was saying.
It would save us so much time if we could just believe that people were putting their best foot forward instead of giving us secret code words to their living arrangements. Whew.
I'd say most people are nice when they know it will pay off. I would rather obsere that someone is nice than to have them tell me they are nice. If they say they are nice then I think it should come with some kind of disclaimer like: "Not valid in some environments. Not open for discussion in Vermont, Delaware Ohio or California. Not all acts of kindness are refundable. Subject to severe mood swings, stressful situations, obnoxious waiters and poor customer service. My cause liver damage or kidney failure. Some people report experiencing a pain in their eye like a needle going through it with nausea and vomiting. See your family counselor before trying to be nice while drinking alcohol or smoking some sort of weedy substance. Void where prohibited.
I'm about to pop my cork. Once again, a female gets on the girl thread to ask a question, more guys have answered the question than girls and what's more the guys are bashing the girls. How bout you take your toys and pouting and go home!
I like what Thunder said. I don't believe someone is nice just because they say so. As a matter of fact, I wonder why they think they need to tell me that, like I won't be able to observe it. What they do with their time will tell me a whole lot more about their "niceness" level than what they say. If someone volunteers at Ronald McDonald House or Hospice, they are compassionate and caring. If someone is taking their elderly parents's under their care, they are self-sacrificing. Etc. Actions speak louder than words. Nice is a bland, non-descript word, like Pixy said.
And, no women don't go looking to be abused. There are many reasons that women end up there, but there is no way that I could foretell that the man opening my door for me before we marriage would use that same door to inflict pain a mere 12 months later. I know a whole lot of women that like gentle spirited men, but just as men, we don't want boring. We want someone who can stimulate conversation, make us laugh, and make life seem better at the end of a stressful day. We like nice men, but men that have to tell you they are nice...? Maybe, maybe not.
I realize that anytime someone implies that abused women ask for it, it REALLY pushes my buttons.
With that, I maintain that nice guys do not finish last. Pixy, Lamb, Saved, and I have all revealed that we are currently in relationships. I have no doubt that all 4 of us would say that our guys are nice and none of us would say that our guy is boring. Women who are serious about their relationship with God, want men that imitate God. Jerks don't.
I can't speak for the other ladies, but Sandiaboy never said that he was nice, as a matter of fact, he gets mad at himself when he misses opportunities or was too wrapped up in daily life to notice a need. However, he continually amazes me with his kindness and generousity. I have watched Sandiaboy practically agonize over making a decision that will please God. How can a godly woman not love a man who so earnestly seeks God? If a guy thinks he's being passed over because he's too nice - he's not. There has to be a different reason.
InHisHonor (my boyfriend) is a very nice guy. Yet, I don't think he's ever described himself as being nice. I know he was a nice buy right from the start because I saw how he interacted with other people. I saw that he was respectful and caring and didn't do things like fly off the handle easily (like yours truly has been known to do) or flirt with every girl he came in contact with. Now, if he had messaged me and been like, "I'm Hector and I'm a nice guy," I may have wondered to myself why he felt the need to tell me this... Because I would surely observe it in him if it was the truth. And if wasn't the truth? Well, then him telling me that he's nice wouldn't have made a difference!
One of the things I've observed on here a lot is guys saying that they're nice and then going on to say why they're not like all the horrible, bad, awful guys on CDFF. Rather than saying anything about themselves, they immediately engage in the whole "comparison advertising" thing and try to win women over by saying that they're nice than everybody else. And maybe it's just me here, but I don't think that such a profile speaks very highly of a man's character.
I think another way we can think about this is to imagine your profile as an application for a job. Now, if you were applying for a job with a resume, you would be doing yourself a disservice to just type, "I'm a nice guy" on your resume and otherwise leave it blank. And if you get rejected for the job, it would not be correct to assume that the employer is looking for a bad guy and didn't pick you because you're too nice. Rather, it would signify that the employer was lacking in sufficient information to even consider you. You could have been the perfect person for the job, but the employer has no way of knowing that unless you tell them.
A man who has to put total strangers down in order to build himself up, is a risk. It shows insecurity and a lack of confidence in himself. If he's putting people down now, what's to keep him from putting his wife and kids down after marriage when the stress mounts? Besides that, a critical spirit just isn't fun to live with.
