I am asking this question not for myself but as a general question as this has come up with a friend of mine and thought it would be a good discussion.
Suppose you met a guy who was average to above average looking whatever that means...lol... and he was very godly, was clearly sold out for Jesus and knew his scriptures well, very grounded, a spiritual leader. Let's say he is in good physical shape and took care of himself. He also has a great sense of humor and a very good communicator. So in other words so far he has the inner qualities that you would be seeking.
But suppose he did not make a great income. Suppose he was able to pay his bills and have a little left over and did not have a lot of debt. His career was not a prestigious one. Would you consider him for a potential mate? Do you have some kind of standard of income that you are seeking in a mate? Why and why not?
NO, i would not consider him as a potential mate to raise a family with me. Please refer to the original description of the man, he is able to live on his income... with not much more... meaning he could not support a household ... larger house, with kids (3), costs of music lessons, summer bible camps, braces, pet care, two cars +, life insurance/ health insurance, fixing the roof.
I don't appreciate the comments that if a woman wants to marry a man who can support and provide for a family then she is materalistic. Years ago when the potential man wanted to marry the daughter he asked the father. Believe me, that father wanted his daughter to have a secure life. When young men start being serious with my daughters, i ask them the life questions and what are their career plans. Thankfully, that has scared off a fear of less desireable prospects. A man should "work" towards a treasured wife.
Now, i'm not in the prospects of looking for a father of future children. However, any future husband needs to be self-sustaining. I will not provide for him. Did that, done that, been there. (please, this doesn't mean that if physical illness becomes an issue, i am out of there... but rather what i am looking for in husband material if i choose to be so incline).
I want a man who has stable job/stable income to support me and family (if ever there will be LOL). That does not mean am materialistic, coz I can support a family myself. What if I get disabled God forbid... Will he be able to support the family?? :glow:
So, for me - this is one of the things that I consider, though my number one is someone who is genuine in Christ...
I think you both missed the mark on this one and did not bring into consideration that you two both work as well. It seems that you are looking at this man as if he is suppose to be the sole bread winner in the marriage. Do you not have a job? Are you not able to provide for your own household without a man? Then why would he be such a poor catch for you? Are you not willing and able to continue working and contribute to the combined family?
What are you going to do when the tribulation comes and all the money and security is gone? Which may very well be in our lifetime! What kind of a man do you need then? How important will his ability to make a living be when as a Christian you won't be able to function in society without a "Mark" implanted in your right hand or forehead?
As mentioned in my response I can support a family myself _ so having said that - means I have a good job and am very independent. I don't want however to be the sole breadwinner. I am not in anyway planning to stop working if ever I get married, if need be, maybe just cut off some work hours. I love what I do. As far as financial status, am not looking for a "rich man" just someone with stable job/income to support family if one is not able to work...
Now with the man you were referring to, he just have "a lttle leftover"...how then he will support a family if something goes wrong with my work or me (God forbid) ??? He is not the potential one for me.I'll use wisdom - I will not get into that situation. ... It is a different story, if I am already married and we became financially broke , I'd stick to it with him through thick & thin and I'd expect my Christian husband to do the same...And of course God will provide...
I said:
So, for me - this is one of the things that I consider, though my number one is someone who is genuine in Christ...
:glow:
It's really lots of things to consider when looking for a life partner...so time is really important... :glow:
hence, why these chat forum are becoming a means to impose one's belief, and not really a question and / or not just contributing one's opinion (NOTE: OPINION). Being judgemental of one's contribution is a main reason why posts will only see opinions that are the same. I hesitated (as other woman who did not post) writing anything for the very reason of getting a "slam". No thank you... i don't need it and I don't agree with your opinion. The original post was for a potential mate.... i hope my daughters do not have to work and have someone else "raise" their children through daycare. A provider is just that A PROVIDER.
Are you implying that I am imposing my beliefs? It really is a good idea that we all address the person by name or handle we are responding to. Don't you think?
I am merely giving you my thoughts in this matter. Am I not able to also express my opinions and beliefs? Did I "slam" you or did I just hit a nerve? Perhaps my questions and opinions were a little to convicting? I don't know but nothing was intended as a "slam".
Be at peace with you decision on how much of a "provider" he has to be so that if you could not work then he makes enough for both families, for his debts and your debts as well. And pray that he does not get ill or disabled and then neither of you work. Then think about the times we are in. Think about the "Last Days" prophecies and how bad things are going to get. Look at what is happening in the world and how fast we are headed towards the Tribulation times. What are you going to do when the economy collapses and there is no more money,...just a little microchip to be implanted in your hand so you can buy or sell. What will you do then and how good will his being a good "Provider" be?
Yes there is always much to consider when choosing a mate.
But consider this. A man whose income is not great and has a "little left over" and then gets disabled after you marry is no different than the man who let's say makes twice what that one does and after you marry gets disabled. The end result is the same. No matter how much planning you do for your future, you can still be subject to devastating scenarios.
Consider this. Suppose God sends across your path a man just like the one I first laid the foundation for this discussion. Suppose he is a wonderful man of God and has all the qualities a man of God should have except that his income is "just enough". Would you really turn down a gift from God?
OR
Suppose God laid it upon your heart that this was a good catch for you. Would you resist God's suggestion?
I wonder how many times God has brought "the right one" for us to choose to marry but because of our own "standards" we ignored the blessings?
I wonder how many times that we are so focused on our own desires and ideals that we miss the abundant blessings of what God would prefer for us?
May we always seek His will and that our will will conform to His!
Mat 6:19 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal;
20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.
21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. NKJV
