Author	Thread: Talking With Someone's Ex?
Admin	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 07:21 AM So ladies, I have a question What do you think when a potential date/mate says something like this, "my former wife really was verbally abusive and even hit me. My wife was unfaithful and cold". Do you automatically believe it? Or do you question what actually took place in that marriage? It seems pretty extreme to me that a woman could be driven to actually "hit a man". Doesn't it? When you hear something like this, do you question it? Do you ask yourself what pushed a woman to this point? What kind of hell was this woman enduring that caused her to respond in these kind of ways? Do you think it's a good idea to talk with somebody's ex before you consider marrying them? Would you like to have that as an option? It would be nice to hear from another woman what it was like to be married to that man, wouldn't it? Post Reply
mcubed View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 05:09 PM I believe women hitting men. Usually abused men keep it quite because of pride. If I had a man hit me today, trust in what I say, I would go to jail for assault and battery or end up in the hospital because I tried like a dickens to take him out and could not and he got me back, or dead� trust me if I hit a man there will be some kind of record you won�t have to ask an ex-� But to answer your question; when my ex-husband cheated on me I found out from his lover I was psychotic, ugly and just all kinds of crazy (according to him)� men never leave their wives because they are great!!!lol But I would probably say as much is true the other way around� we don�t leave people because they are GREAT!!!! Sometimes the story is embellished, sometimes it is true�. Usually it�s just best to take people for what they are today in the Lord and the past be just that the past, when it comes to relationships. What if you were something in your past but G-d changed you and it came back to haunt you�. Wouldn�t that stink (for lack of a better term)? Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 05:56 PM IWA wrote: "One could also argue that your ex-spouse should definitely be able to go to a pastor for counsel. Especially, if he is having a difficult time reconciling things about you/ your relationship and wants to get some perspective from another man of God. This really should not violate trust, should it?" One could argue all day long and it wouldn't change the fact that all he could get from that pastor was gossip. This pastor was not his pastor or my recent pastor or our pastor. Had he gone for counsel that would be one thing but he had never met the man before, he had never attended a service with him, he had never been his pastor, and the only reason to go was to get gossip...as he went to talk with him about something about me the pastor would have no clue about...so it would be gossip. Had he talked with him prior to our marriage, that might have been acceptable. Again, one would have to know the whole story about what happened and I am not posting it on a public site. Trusting your spouse or potential spouse is a very fine line...violating that trust has severe consequences and takes an extremely long time to repair. Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 06:02 PM IWA wrote: "If we as people were held more accountable for the bridges that we burn (past relationships, past churches, past jobs, etc.), we would all be more cautious of our actions along the way. Would we not?" You're right, we should hold ourselves accountable for everything we do because God holds us accountable. I don't know about you, but I hold myself accountable for all my actions whether it's in a relationship within my family, at work, a friendship, a marriage, posting on a thread, whatever. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 7 Oct, 2013 07:00 AM I've never really been through anything extreme, but in my last relationship, when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend(in her defense, I know it wasn't easy on her), I happened to read something she posted online and she was saying some pretty nasty untrue things about me, things that I assume she realized were untrue, because when I talked with her about them, she apologized and removed it. Break-ups and divorces are hardly ever nice, and I've been around many divorcee's and their families who have some pretty extremely unkind things to say about their ex-significant other. Also, a relationship is not a job. On top of that, people are capable of change, and I doubt many here want to be judged on their past. And on top of THAT, people interact differently with everyone, as in my relationship, we didn't hate each other, we just had some bad chemistry that eventually made the relationship turn toxic. So, if you can't trust the person who you know now, or can't trust them enough based on your own experiences with them, then that should be your first red flag, not what a jaded ex thinks. That would be like Jesus asking to Satan to be a witness for you in the judgment:laugh:. I'm pretty sure Satan would have nothing good to say, even though you might be a beautiful new creature in Christ now. That works conversely as well, if you decided to talk to family or an ex that the person was still on good terms with, and they gave glowing reviews of this person's character, that is still not evidence that it's true or "still true". I'm not saying that we shouldn't seek counsel in relationships, but it definitely should be from unbiased third-parties who will give advice based on facts and not polls. Talk with them about how you interact with your counterpart, how you both react during disagreements, etc, and take as much time as you need to really KNOW what the person is like before you step into deeper waters with them. :peace::peace: Post Reply
One_Sojourner View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 7 Oct, 2013 07:06 PM Whether good, bad, right or wrong I've always tried to take a person at their word from the very beginning, everyone starts out with a clean slate. I don't automatically believe everything, that takes time. It's as the relationship develops that all the small things and the quirks begin to surface where you have to deal with and decide if these are things you can overlook or whether it's this person's personality or something you see that is a hurt from this person's past that needs healing and you have the ability and desire to help. Either way you must decide how or if you can tolerate it and be willing to deal with it. If a couple is considering marriage then by this point seems like the couple should know each other pretty well and not need to be asking family, friends, let alone ex's about this person. I wouldn't have any interest in seeking advice from an ex spouse concerning a woman I was seriously interested in... if there is any doubt concerning her then the relationship ain't going to move forward period. If she's the type that flies off the handle and slaps or hits then I won't be around long, and yes there are some gals who seem to know no better than to reach out and strike. Woes to a man if he strikes a woman or is verbally abusiive!!! That shouldn't tolerated at all! Post Reply
Lukia^ View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 8 Oct, 2013 02:49 AM "That would be like Jesus asking satan to be witness for you in the judgement". This is so true.People change with time once we learn our mistakes so i believe there is no use going into anyone's past or going to the ex. Once we know Christ we change.As time goes and we grow in Christ we desire to change and Christ in His mercies and love changes us so we cannot judge each other by the past. Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 8 Oct, 2013 07:08 AM "That would be like Jesus asking satan to be witness for you in the judgement". Who here was married to Satan? :laugh: Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 8 Oct, 2013 09:12 AM Everybody! :peace::peace: Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 8 Oct, 2013 09:39 AM Then that explains all of the divorces. :laugh: Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 8 Oct, 2013 10:58 AM :laugh: Post Reply

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