I'm somewhat new to the the online dating sites, so I'm learning. I've read dozens and dozens of profiles of some very fine ladies on this site. I notice, over and over, many of the same themes - "Searching for my Boaz," "Finding Love Again," "Having Faith for a Partner," etc., etc., etc. These all imply a level of serious faith.
Yet I'm finding only the tiniest bit of actual faith involved in their search. Sorry.
I've shared in my own profile that I was a minister in my region for a number of years, and my face is known therefore, to a good many people, even if I don't know them. My marriage ended after my children were raised when my wife decided she wanted a single life. No abuse. No drugs or alcohol. No infidelity. She simply wanted to go a new direction. I didn't like the decision but was powerless to stop it.
For that reason, and since it was not that long ago, I've chosen not to post my photo publicly yet. However, if I find one of you interesting and email you, I do include my photos. That should solve the photo issue, right?
Yet, out of 30 messages I've sent, I've only gotten 1 reply. The others simply don't do anything.
Do you know how difficult it is to write a personal note after reading your personal info and finding it interesting? That takes time and emotional energy. Emotional energy that is limited given that nearly everyone on the site has been badly burned.
Now I fully know that I may receive a thousand replies to this post and they will say the same thing - "No posted photo must mean you're a scammer!" Yes, yes. I get it. That can happen.
That's why I send my photos with my messages.
And, yes, I know that there are men who will write you sugary things, then break your heart. But that's no different than the chance one takes in real life dating, is it? And, by the way, that road does travel both ways.
So, I just want to suggest that, perhaps, if you are a woman of faith and prayer, that you actually consider applying them in your "search" for Boaz. Maybe read the story of Ruth again. She didn't just sit "waiting," but she was - in faith - active in her pursuit of a relationship.
Please, don't use my thoughts as a reason to bash me. Nearly every woman on this site claims that she wants a man who is "honest." Well, I"m being honest.
I'm not criticizing anyone, but many years in the ministry proved to me that James was actually right - Faith without action results in nothing. It's very easy to criticize the bad apples on sites like these. But does that really gain you anything?
Again, honestly, even when asking a woman out in the world or in a social gathering, she's at least polite enough to kindly tell you no. Not even a cold nonbeliever would listen to your invitation and then just walk away, saying nothing.
Okay. I expect most of you will immediately feel the need to lecture me on how wrong I am. But, maybe, just maybe, there will be one who actually prays and asks God how to respond. Who know - maybe she'll be the one who finds her Boaz. :prayingm::prayingm:
I have been on this site before, maybe about two or three years ago. I used a different user name but I had the same experience you are having. Now that I am back I have many of the same profiles come up in my search that I did before. These women are probably not active here any more.
So whenever I search I look for who has been on-line today. I also use the Online Today link or Online Now link to search. This way I know I am contacting women that are active here. There are about 12 pages of women that fit my search criteria and usually only 6 women out of 120ish have been online today.
I find that the more I look at profiles of women that are online now or have been online today the more I have women looking at my profile. And I get a few emails every week. A few of them are from women outside the country but I am making some friends this way.
That is good advice. I've begun doing that as well. Thanks for sharing!
I suppose the thing that most surprises me is how these bad experiences seem to paralyze good women from taking a chance. For example, every day thousands of vehicles are involved in accidents. Should we all just start walking then?
Each day, thousands of people catch some sort of virus - some of them simple, but others deadly. Should we all just stay inside our homes - no work, no friendships, no church?
In other words, fear is not the work of God but the work of the devil. We all know that. All I suggest is that the Christian women here who have the faith to seriously want a good relationship accept that God will only lead you that way if you are willing to exert at least some degree of faith. And faith involves risk.
Posting a photo does not automatically mean a person is not a scammer. I have explained my personal reasons for not yet posting one.
So my main issue is that a woman can receive an email some lonely guy struggled to write and then just ignore him, making him feel even more rejected than he did. It's like this - there are some poor people who take advantage of the system. Does that mean we should never reach out to the poor - because of them?? No. We live and act by faith that, even if some take advantage, there are many who will value our efforts.
"Over time I've learned to put zero emotional investment into chicks if you don't know them"
Unfortunately this is very much the attitude I take when sending messages or winks or whatever. I know the accepted wisdom, and it seems the demands of many, are that they will receive a uniquely crafted message of just the right length, that talks about what they've written in their profile, makes them laugh, etc. and will stand out head and shoulders above the others in their inbox.
Sorry, but unless they show some kind of response first indicating it's worth continuing then there's no reason why I'd invest time and energy up front for what could well be a dead profile. Maybe I've been at this too long and have become cynical?
Nice to hear from Miss Marvel again (it is her, isn't it?) - I love her generally balanced and wise answers - perhaps better to listen to her rather than me.
Ms. Blue Eyes said: "The things that I witness and watch happen before my eyes and in my time only make me want to run to the Lord and the truth and seek his wisdom. The foundation of a marriage must be the Lord, and only the Lord, everything else is fleeting. "
One good reason for making truth the aim of our endeavors is that God, Christ, and truth are immutable - nobody can take them away from us. If we have this, our blessedness is permanent, it cannot be lost. Everything else is fleeting as you said and is easily lost or taken away.
