Ok, the question is ladies does sex really not matter to you all after a while. Is it that you lose interest or we stop treating you right. I am speaking of course about sex within marriage.
Would enjoy hearing how you respond to the question. Obviously the male sex drive is much greater than the female but is it that big of a difference or are we just setting our selves up to fail.
I suppose I'm a bit alien in my thinking here but I believe the Head is supposed to take care of the needs of the body, not the other way around. Our Master waits patiently for us to CRAVE HIM. I believe this is how a REAL MAN handles the authority he has. He is happiest when she is happiest and that only comes through her CRAVING him. If he is 'needy' the balance is thrown out of kilter and the relationship crumbles. Simply put I believe He is to desire and satisfy HER ALONE when she is READY.
Well, the simplest statement in that regard is: Draw close to me and I will draw close to you...you are FREE to choose with no pressure at all as the Master of love demonstrates how he 'waits us out' to come back to him because he is CONFIDENT in who he is. If we do not see that and are not drawn to it, it is more our loss than his.
That is a tough question... I would say that as time goes by two people can get comfortable in a relationship. I know that in my past marriage, this was also the case just flipped. he lost interest. I know for us it was a matter of how we felt. When we felt loved and appreciated the desire was still there. I think that sex is important in a marriage.
I think it is compatibility issue on top of physical fitness, desires and passions. It is the combinations of many factors. In summary, chemistry plays the ultimate role. I think sex is very important for married couple.
"The purpose of sex is to procreate, so it is important. Is it the most important thing, hardly"
I agree it's not the MOST important thing, but disagree on the first part. If sex was only for procreation, we as humans would not have the emotional or physical release and pleasure that we do.
I'm truly sorry that you may have felt inadequate or inexperienced when you gave that special gift of yourself to your wife. You are more than welcome to email me personally about this.. but did she actually put you down or make comments about it that hurt your feelings? ( I haven't read everyone else's reply, my humble apologies!!)
There are many books out there that one can do research on to find tips and tricks, but if she let you know verbally she was unsatisfied.. I can almost understand where that could be a very crippling motion to one's esteem and I'd say if you love someone and are married to them and you should be trying to guard their heart.. you would be happy with what someone gave you, and it being their first time and their best there would be a certain level of understanding involved. You are in my prayers my friend.
To follow up with your post.. I wholeheartedly agree in waiting until marriage to give your body to the one you love! God's word is pretty adamant about it too and that's the final authority. While I don't believe King David had hundreds upon hundreds of separate marriage ceremonies, including any specific ritual for his concubines.. I think the general consensus was that he was a womanizer of sorts. He certainly made it into the bible for a reason however, and with you stating that it is important to only marry someone who is a virgin.. you may be preaching something that is not Godly nor wholesome, nor with understanding. Consider the saved lady who is the victim of rape... how does she ever get to give that gift to the man God brings into her life one day if she even ever recovers from the violation she had to endure? Consider those who may get molested and abused growing up as children.. are they not worthy of a Godly spouse that God has chosen for them without man-made rules and red tape? I can imagine you hold some anger about this simply reading your post.. but to preach that virgins should only seek other virgins when our society reflects a lot of evil and essentially encourages sin - Hollywood glamorizes fornication in almost 90% of the movies out there! One virgin may want someone who does have some experience in that area gained at a time when they weren't so close with the Lord. We all make mistakes, but I don't think you made one sir, not at all. I believe the woman you speak of made the mistake. In your other post you were hoping to hear from women instead.. I'd almost recommend taking a break from dating until you are fully healed from this.
In your preaching my friend on who should marry who instead of letting it all be in God's hands.. I'd recommend adding one thing:
Doing a lot of research on complicated situations that may be personally intimidating to you. The ego with men is a strange, curious, and sometimes a scary thing.. and some men actually need to feel like they are needed, appreciated and respected far more than they need to feel loved or affection.. everyone is different and uniquely made, praise God!! It'd be pretty boring if we all looked alike, and all thought alike, and were all at the very same level in either education, or otherwise our experience. I'd personally prefer a doctor in practice of over 30 years than one fresh out of school with doctorates in hand, but then again everyone is different with different preferences, and it's entirely subjective in nature.
Look to Jesus first, and He will add everything you truly need unto you my brother. Seek ye the kingdom first... most men need a lot more Jesus than they do a woman! I have sisters in Christ on here who tell me they meet piggies on here(secular humanists who live and dwell in the flesh.. and I believe them without any doubt!!
If God leads two virgins together, that is an amazing miracle itself in 2009, praise God!! If you can meet another virgin so it's new and exciting to both of you.. still do some research on it if you haven't. Being informed is the best way to reach some sort of destination whether by train or by boat, and most importantly is the kind of communication level between two grown adults who are planning on joining in the sacred covenant of marriage, making sure nothing is hidden away from each other - even fears or personal concerns!
Honest open feelings are important in any relationship, and why understanding and patience are both great virtues to strive for! But.. allow God to be in full control and try not to be absentminded about those who really never had a chance to give their body to someone special they wanted to marry and God led to them because they were a victim early on in life somewhere.
If you want to talk with me more about this, truly I believe you need a strong brother to talk to here more than a lady. Most importantly, look to Jesus, please feel free to email me bro!
One final thing if I may offer it... sex.. it sounds cheap and of the fallen world. It sounds like something that a person does to satisfy themselves, rather than their spouse. Lovemaking on the other hand, sounds like it belongs in the marriage bed and undefiled, and most certainly should be about pleasing your spouse moreso than yourself. I once heard Dr. Tony Evans say.. "Christian-sex is more about your partner, non-Christian sex is more about pleasing yourself." If you check out any regular secular dating sites, it is absolutely awful in that sex is mentioned so commonly as test driving a car. It's meant for one place and one place alone; within marriage to send out little lights into the world to spread the "good news" of Jesus Christ!
Men don't always desire sex more than women, it is individual.
A woman will desire her husband more often if there is romance present at times outside of the bedroom. If she feels loved, appreciated, etc. at times when you aren't hoping for the physical. Being affectionate with her when there isn't an expectation for bedroom bliss to follow (i.e. a giving attitude with affection, not giving just to receive that requires her to do something because you now want it) will gear her more toward craving you also.
Think back to why we love God. He loved us first. Give first before you expect her to reciprocate. Keeping the romance alive & wooing her sets the stage for more to follow.
First of all, EVERYONE is going to give an answer based on experience. So you are going to have that many different answers.
Second of all, everyone's sexual preferences are influenced by their upbringing, experiences, and opinions on how to answer your question. So, while some think it's only for procreation others will think of it as a blessing from God, or a burden, or a guilty pleasure, or...who knows. And I am not even trying to have a discussion of healthy sexuality.
So, to stay on topic, I can say is the answer to your question is different with each person that answers it.
I think if it's appropriate, then mature Christian adults can discuss these preferences and beliefs with one another. I also think that if a Christian couple is considering marriage then they really ought to discuss these issues. If they don't know how to discuss it, a minister or marriage counselor can assist.
It's important to be on the same page, sexually speaking. It's very, very important. It's not the most important part of marriage but it ranks very high. And a couple can get ready for that relationship in a way that is holy and sacred and glorifies the Lord, without crossing the line.
I believe that too often, wives will use the withholding of sex as a power tool. "Oh by the way, you didn't take out the trash like I asked, so guess what? I am not going to have sex with you tonight..."
It's wrong, sick and completely manipulative. I do not believe that it is okay for either spouse to withhold sex out of anger, frustration or any other negative emotion. I believe one spouse should have sex with the other spouse if that is what they are wanting, even if they do not feel in the mood... Marriage is about sacrifice. If sex was only about one person in marriage, masturbation would be enough.
Oh and I agree with what one of the ladies said above--if a man told me that he would only want to have sex 1-2 a week, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I've heard a pastor say that if you are not prepared to give your spouse sex at least 3 times a week, you should not be getting married. And I agree.
Now--to find me a husband so I can put my words into practice! HAHA.
