My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective.
Posted : 21 Dec, 2011 10:11 AM
Ive heard many women say on thier profiles, "well they told me I was pretty and so I deleted thier message. They should be looking more on the inside than the outside" This may be true, many Men and Women on these sites are not all that they are cracked up to be. But remember Romans 3:23 For ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God" simply stated, we have all done things wrong but it is Gods grace that forgives us, and the Bible also says the grace we give, is the grace we recieve from God! We strive to be more like our Heavenly Father, that is what seperates us from the world. Even if we fall, HE is there to pick us up! I am not standing up for people that ask for dirty pictures, or anything of the sort! Just simply saying that we should pray for them instead of throwing stones.
There was a book that was written many years ago, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The title may not be true (yes i know its an example to show how different we are, and not that we are from outerspace. But you might be younger and didnt know that. Am I showing my age here? Lol) But one of the ideas is Biblically and scientifically very true. Men are VISUALLY orientated. Women are Emotionally orientated. Heres an example: 2 Samuel 11:2 KJV
And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself;
David, a true man of God, was not only Visually stimulated, by the appearance of Bathsheba bathing, but first he was Visually orientated.
Now we all know what David did with Bathsheba. (If you dont, its an excellent read about lust/murder, forgiveness/grace, and redemption!). But read the last part of the verse very slowly and understand what it means...
"and the woman was very beautiful to look upon." He had to look FIRST, then as he looked he saw she was naked, and the rest youll have to read for yourself! But God in his wisdom and grace forgave David.
Yes we know from scripture that David lusted over this woman because she was bathing. But it was the first sight of this women that even caught his attentiion at all. So even men in Bible times were visually orientated, just as they are today.
So going back to what I was saying before ladies, we know Men are visually orientated, so now what do you do? Want to get a man to contact you? Put a picture of yourself as your main photo, and show him what a Woman of GOD looks like! Be yourself, and be honest!
That being said, let me give you some of my Ideas about these pictures....
When a Christian man is searching for a mate on this or any other site, the first thing he is going to be drawn too is............. YOU! Your picture will say a thousand words. So lets break that down a little. If that man is searching and he sees a:
1) little tiny picture where your face cannot be seen, you are hugging a stuffed animal thats as big as you, you are standing next to something and you are very small dot next to it, you have a picture of puppies, Cinderella or a Christian picture instead of yourself, you have a group photo, a hat covering your face, a huge alcoholic drink in your hands, OR THE WORST.... NO PHOTO AT ALL, and trust me the list goes on and on, are You REALLY wanting to be seen? Are you really wanting a Godly mate? Heres some more..
2) A shot of your cleavage hanging out, or in a small bathing suit, or a really tight outfit where it might be showing more than your figure. At this point you have to ask yourself if you have any of these kinds of pictures listed (forgive me if I left any out) what kind of man are you really looking for? If you just want ANY man, then any site will do. If you want a Godly man, then he should be able to expect the same from you. Remember, a little modesty goes a long way. If a man cant see it, then it is left to his imagination. Whether his imagination is good or bad that is between him and God. Now before I get a thousand emails saying that you work out and you are proud of your body, and you feel its ok to show it off, again thats between you and God. And Honestly, I would like to start a whole other discussion about that very topic.
Unfortunately I have seen all of these examples and more on this very site and others like it. Ladies, You are not putting your best foot forward! Show us who you are! A simple head shot is all that is needed and it could make a HUGE difference whether you are noticed or not. Click on your inbox, and what do you see above your inbox. A group of pictures of men. No site names, no ages, no church backround, just pictures. Its the same for us guys too. We only see that little picture of you up there. If you have other pictures, thats ok but save them for inside your profile. A head shot, for those of you who do not know is a picture taken usually from the shoulders up. It focuses generally on your face and your hair style. This makes your face visible in that little tiny picture, and sets you apart from the others who have pictures like those listed above.
I have spoken to a lot of men from several sites about this very subject and it always gets into the same subject. "Why didnt she post a picture of herself?" or "The pic was so small you couldnt even see her, why even put it up there at all?" My favorite is "What does she have to hide that she cant put up a picture? Is she still married, or dating somone until mr. right comes along and shes afraid of being caught?"
All of these are valid questions from a guys perspective, and if the tables are turned valid for you to ask a guy too!
We are after all creatures of habit. If a man likes a woman with long hair only, he might not be interested in you. It might be your church affilation, skin color, hair color, or something else? Who knows why one person chooses one over another. But I tell you this, you are a CREATION of GOD Almighty! You are Smart and filled with God given talents. And regardless of what anyone may tell you, You are a beautiful Child of God no matter what you look like. We are all beautiful in Gods sight because he made us. There is someone else out there, that God made as well, that thinks you are beautiful too.
Let me know what you think, and God bless you in your search!
My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective.
Posted : 6 Jan, 2012 12:24 AM
Good insights deb and len. I personally don't mind sending a photo after I've mailed someone back and forth a bit, but the man who is more bothered about finding out more about your character and what makes you tick before he's even bothered about that is so much more attractive, but I suppose that's because I find profundity and a heart after God attractive qualities. This online thing has that advantage of finding out a little bit about a person (or at least what they say) and their priorities whilst guarding your heart. Otherwise it's no different to being in the world where men come up to you on the street/restaurant/bar because of your looks (and I'm yet to give my number to any of them!).
My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective.
Posted : 1 Mar, 2012 10:53 AM
I think your insight is wonderful. I said in my profile that I wouldn't post pictures from when I was 20 years old. That is misleading, and if anyone wants to get to know me, it will be for me, not what I looked like years ago. I'm not satisfied with how I look, my weight. BUT that's going to change. God is changing numerous things in my life. And I am the type of person who, if I read a profile, and it says nothing about the Lord...root it out!! It's possible that some men are only here to find a woman that will be good to them because this is a Christian site, and vice versa. If a profile has nothing in it about the Lord, forget it. That's my opinion. Others' may be different.
What does bother me though, is that, I know men want to be with a nice looking woman...and I understand that. Cuz, well...come on ladies, you know you look through the pics too, and a nice looking pic of a man will grab your attention quicker than other pics! Admit it women! However, I think men are too quick to judge women who aren't a size 2. And that's very sad. They don't know the great personality they are missing out on! They don't know how the woman will look when she has lost weight.
I'm puttin this out there, and I know people who read this will go directly to my profile and check it out, and I'm NOT saying that in a "bragging" manner. My point is that I'm being vulnerable enough to allow men to view my profile who may look at it and say, mmm, not the size I want...skip it. They may not know I had lost 30 pounds at one time, dropping a pound a day walking a mile every day. Things got in the way, however, I'm determined to lose the weight once and for all, and with the way God has moved in my life in the past year...it will happen. You would just have to know my story. God is opening a new world to me...things I never would have done before......HENCE.....JCsNewLife.
My ideas on internet dating for women, from a Christian mans perspective.
Posted : 29 Jun, 2012 06:34 AM
You are absolutely correct! Thank you for this post! True women of God feel the same way about a man and how he presents himself. We just want a man who is sold out to God, and a good looking man is a true compliment to what God has in store! We don't need or want someone half dressed trying to show a sixpack. Oh and another thing, why do true men of God post that they don't drink or smoke, but they will take anything that does! They should know that God is great and very able to give them a Godly woman if they are truly seeking one. Yes, there are still Godly women who rare and far above this world's desires, who willing to take what GOD himself gives them. For he makes no mistakes in His plans, only we do.
