Author	Thread: What do you mean by confident?
Admin	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 04:06 PM I see in a lot of profiles and in a lot of advice in the forums that women want men who are confident. What exactly do you mean by someone who is confident? Someone who is confident of who he is, someone who isn't trying to "find himself" but is willing to stand up for his beliefs. Or, are you looking for someone who knows what to do in a relationship, how to lead the relationship without any hints or suggestions from you. As a follow up question, if someone is inexperienced and unsure of how to start off and lead a relationship, would you be willing to be patient while I a guy learns to lead the relationship, or would you dismiss him after the first date? Would you be willing to give a guy a chance to learn, or would you rather he "practice" on someone else? Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 04:56 PM "Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant�not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life," (2 Corinthians 3:1-6, NIV). Using these verses as our guide, I would say that confidence is being assured of who we are in Christ. It is being able to walk in that, in faith, knowing that we may not receive commendation from the world for our words and actions. And it is a facet of faithfulness, in that we pursue righteousness for the glory of God and live lives that point to Him, rather than pointing to ourselves... And a facet of humility in that we must be content with seeing the intangible evidence of Christ's work in "human hearts," rather than needing someone to go before us boasting our abilities. When we know what the truth is about life and ourselves, then we don't have that same tendency to falter that someone lacking in confidence does. I think this applies to a man within a romantic relationship (or a friendship progressing to that point) in that he should know who he is, as a man, in Christ. He should understand what Biblical manhood is and be living that out, and he should understand Biblical womanhood and relate to the object of his affection accordingly. I think this does require leadership, as men are called to be leaders. And I think it also requires a lot of patience (on both sides) as pursue a woman with integrity and respect, knowing that things may move slowly and not needing that constant affirmation from the other person. We can be so quick to get all mushy in relationships rather than letting true, deep, lasting love grow. We want to hear "I love you" and things like that... But I think there's a lot of wisdom in not rushing things; and I think it shows a lot confidence. A confident man is going to go about the relationship God's way even if his heart (or his lady's heart) is 10 steps ahead. He'll trust that following God's will is the best way, even if it doesn't provide instant gratification. As far as whether or not a woman would be willing to be you guinea pig (LOL), I think the right woman would be. None of us are perfect and we're all in the PROCESS of being sanctified. What I personally look for (or what I was looking for when I was looking) is someone who knows what he needs to be doing, someone who is teachable in that he will get off the wrong path if he wanders and open up his Bible to find the right path, and someone who is striving and growing closer to who Christ has called him to be. If a guy is just sitting around thinking that he's not willing to change/grow or that it's just too hard, or that women just need to be more tolerant or accepting or whatever, then that is a definite red flag... Willing to learn is a good thing =) Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 05:06 PM Oh, and as far as receiving hints/suggestions from a lady, in a healthy, Christ-centered relationship, each member of the couple should be seeking to edify the other, and I think that absolutely includes some gentle, loving suggestions here and there. A boyfriend and girlfriend are brother and sister in Christ before they become anything else and they have a responsibility to each other to help the other one grow. A woman is in the wrong if she expects the guy to be the to be putting forth all the effort while she just sits back and enjoys things. Each one should serve the other. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 05:27 PM Great posts, Pixy! Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 05:33 PM While "confident" is not on my wish list, I do think that I tend to be more attracted to guys who know who they are as a person and as a Christian, and who are comfortable in a variety of settings. Unfortunately, many of the "confident" guys that I know tend to come across as cocky...which is not attractive. It's nice if he knows how to lead in a relationship, but I'd be willing to let him learn as we go along. I'd be learning to, so perhaps we could help each other understand what the other needs or wants in the relationship. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 06:39 PM It probably does not mean the same for each lady. For me myself...... it means they are sure of their walk in the Lord and their faith is firm. Someone who has had responsibilities, takes care of them, (whether job, kids, family members -- what have you) and knows what it means to do what he should and mean what he says. He does not have to be a relationship expert, smooth, suave, James Bond-like person with all the right mooves and/or words. Not at all. I would be perfectly willing to be patient with a man who was confident in some ways but not in others. After all, I'm like that too, and I'd like him to be patient with me. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 07:27 PM This is a GREAT QUESTION, Cobbler!!! Thanks for puttin' it "out there" for all the guys' enlightenment!!! Steve Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 07:40 PM BAREFOOT WOW!!!, pixy!!! How did you get so wise?!!! I KNOW how ... you asked for wisdom and God has been delighted to give it to you as your heart and spirit listened and responded to the wisdom He lovinging provided, through His Word, and, personally, in your devoted and intimate love relationship with Him!!! It's a SPECIAL BLESSING to ask for and receive all the wisdom God provides to us in all His ways!!! Thank you for sharing the wisdom God's given you on this topic, pixy!!! Steve Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 09:13 PM Aw, thanks GodsHandiwork and BarefootGuy! For me, wisdom comes from hitting rock bottom and realizing I know absolutely nothing about anything and then begging God to clue me in. It's hard-earned, but worth it... maybe... LOL Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 11:58 PM I know it's a ask a girl question, but hopefully you'll indulge my take on it anyway: It's being secure enough to pursue and take responsibility for your own happiness/unhappiness and success/failure, not pursuing other people to dump this responsibility on and not letting others dump that responsibility on you. It's not depending on others people or things to choose the actions you take to achieve your happiness and success. For some reason people fear this means you have to exchange compassion and morals to get to this level, but it's just not so. They're all separate qualities to balance and maintain. Compassion, morals, confidence, and passion shouldn't be too much for one to want in someone. Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 20 Sep, 2010 12:04 AM Brandon, I'm glad you showed up on this one. I was hoping you would. Cobbler, Brandon has been sharing a lot with us the last couple of months on what it mean for a man to develop and display godly confidence. Maybe you could read some of his earlier posts. He speaks malese. Rose Post Reply

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