True Virginity: "a woman who has not known a man" in the Biblical sense -like Rebekah for Isaac.
I understand that people make mistakes, and we ask for forgiveness, and like to redefine or re-categorize virginity into "second virginity" or "new creature" etc. This is not what the topic is about, so please stay on topic.
We do not need to know your past, just your opinion today. :waving:
Is it important? To true Christians -- yes, I think so. Perhaps some non-Christians also. But I think if you are truly a Christian then it will be important to you.
The short answer is: Yes, it's absolutely important.
But I find your question offensive and here's why:
I think that we ought not label people. Slapping a scarlet letter on someone to wear forever because of a mistake implies a lack of forgiveness and a lack of understanding of God's ability to redeem people and of His sovereignty over situations. What an absence of hope it is to characterize somebody by a mistake and to never let them walk beyond that.
We might as well post up a hundred topics for every sin there is:
Is not lying important?
Is never ever in your whole entire life saying a harsh word important?
Is going to church absolutely every single Sunday your whole entire life important?
Is never speeding important?
Yes, let's all be very legalistic and label all of those sinners out there as people who don't realize the importance of perfection.
Furthermore, virginity is a rather technical term. It means that one's body has not engaged in intercourse. It says nothing of the soul. It says nothing of all those other acts on the slippery slope. It says very little about actual purity. And it says nothing of one's willingness to engage in intercourse. The woman who has been raped is no longer a virgin. Would you like to slap a scarlet letter on her? How about the child who was lured/forced into a sex ring? Another scarlet letter?
Yeah...it might not even be from "a mistake". I know many girls that were "abused". I think people need to stop placing such a fragile requirement on people. Is it important? Maybe...but to who? If you think about it...it's a extremely shallow requirement. If you're a virgin, try to stay that way. If you're not a virgin anymore, start trying again....but holding a previous mistake over someone else's head is a great way to cause them to lose hope. "Sorry, Tainted Goods...you aren't good enough for me and my holiness anymore". Sound christian? Nope.
I don't think this post was set out to label people as scarlet letters or mistakes. I don't think we can EVER hold the lack of virginity over some who lost it in an abusive manner. That would NOT be demonstrating Christ's love..after all, it wasn't their decision to surrender that special gift...it was stolen from them. However, I read the post as what importance does being a virgin have to a Christian when in today's world people are seen as heroic because they are a "new virgin" yet people are often criticized when they are a true virgin. Also, NO ONE is a mistake!! Yes we all make mistakes but since this post is dealing specifically with the issue of loosing one's virginity I think it should stay focused on that to best answer the question. I know several men and women who have had sex either in a marriage relationship and out side of marriage who have felt that end the long run...that the relationship they were in wasn't a good relationship and that is where the mistake comes in...giving that very special gift to someone before potentially testing their relationship. Of course if you are married...it is your privelege (sp) to give your spouse that gift. I think that being a virgin is more important to Christians than to non-Christians however I will NOT judge someone based on whether or not they are a virgin or not. That would be my mistake if I did something like that and would very well be messing up what could be a great friendship and possibly deeper relationship.
I also feel that the Post was more about Virginity as a "Wonderful Gift"...not so much as a denouncement of those that are not Virgins.
In this day and age it is a rare thing and hopefully it will become less rare, but whether a Virgin or not...what is more Important is the Condition of Your Heart and what you have in it.
Freinds, let's think about this like a person just following God's plan. If you have sex inside marriage only are you still pure if your spouse leaves you and you are not at fault.
You follow the rules by choice. Would you still consider such a person someone who you would marry?
If we are forgiven do we not become virgins again?
when we understand the importance of purity before marriage that's when it isnt so hard to keep it.
When we have sex outside marriage, we are creating a bond with that person as if they were our husband/wife.
then when we DO get married, your bringing those people you slept with into your marriage bed. ew, gross...
6 years ago I made the commitment to the Lord and my future husband (whoever he is) that i would stay pure until marriage. I look for the same in a man. If he's being sexual with women he dates, he's not for me.
Virginity is important, at least to me. I am still a virgin at 27. I really, really want to marry a guy who is also a virgin.
I have struggled with the issue, though. I know that there are a lot of wonderful, strong, Christian guys out there who made a mistake and sinned...and gave away their virginity. What is so different and more terrible about that sin than the sins of pride, anger, etc.? It is not a worse sin; sin is sin. I think my point is that it is a sin that CAN be controlled. With the exception of rape and abuse, there is always a conscious choice made by both people. God certainly forgives and forgets our sins, but I know that at this point in my life, I cannot come even close to that level of forgiveness toward a guy who chose to give away his virginity outside of marriage.
So yeah, true virginity is important to me. And yeah, I've taken a LOT of criticism because of my position.
Disclaimer: if God showed me without a doubt that I was to marry a non-virgin, I would do so without question and trust that He would give me grace to deal with my feelings.
You are absolutely right about the rape victims, prostitutes converting, etc.
There are examples and instructions in the Bible about how to handle those horrible situations.
***
There is one girl in the Bible whose name was -the daughter of Jacob. She was raped because she left her father's house to go check out what the other girls in alcohol, drug, and sex culture were doing. While she was at a coed party, a guy saw her and raped her and then kidnapped her. How important was her True Virginity to her brother? Enough to slaughter all the men of that town in which this awful encounter was the norm and encouraged. Yes, Jacob was scared about the repercussions of such an exact, but the wickedness and perversions ended in that town.
Rahab was a prostitute/inn keeper in Jericho who gave her life over to God, was purified by the blood of the Lamb, and became the mother of Boaz -great great grandmother of King David. Rahab became a Proverbs 31 woman that God established.
Great stories... you should read them if you haven't.
God cares enough about True Virginity to allow the immediate death penalty based on the valid testimony to be enforced as a deterrent for defiling true purity.
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I feel that some of you are missing the purpose and tone of this thread.
I am not talking about those living outside of Christianity, or those whose came in from a broken background.
I am talking about those who have been brought up in the scripture, and in the church.
Those who were raised by good parents knowing right from wrong.
So let's stay on topics and away from the "what if/what about" scenarios....
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Going back to the Ladies, since this is in the "Ask a Girl -not a Guy" forum....
Let's look at this as parents and take this down to the next generation.
When it comes time for your sons and daughters to marry their fiances, do you want and expect true virginity in your children until their consummation in marriage?
Do you want and expect that the mate to have also set themselves apart for your child only until their wedding consummation?
What about for your grandchildren and their spouses?
You said: "I don't think we can EVER hold the lack of virginity over some who lost it in an abusive manner. That would NOT be demonstrating Christ's love." I agree wholeheartedly w/ you and I commend anyone who truly puts into practice that viewpoint.
However, the real world doesn't actually work that way 100% of the time. Do you know any Christian women who have been raped? Or children who have been victims of sex rings or molestation? I bet you that every single one of them would tell you that at least 40% of the Christians (male and female) who they've told about what happened to them have chastised them, refused to talk to them anymore, etc. I bet they would tell you that they feel like they might as well be walking around w/ an "R" for rape victim/survivor branded on their foreheads. And It seems like the majority of Christian guys out there who are insistent on marrying a virgin don't really much care how a woman lost her virginity... If she's not intact, then she's just not desirable sexually anymore... !! Some guys feel like there's some kind of curse attached to losing virginity through sexual violence and that the curse will be passed on to them if they marry you and subsequently consummate the marriage.
@lastman
"Great stories... you should read them if you haven't."
I have.
"I feel that some of you are missing the purpose and tone of this thread."
Here's another scenario: Perhaps we aren't missing your purpose and tone. Perhaps we're understanding you better than you think, and, quite simply, have some disagreements w/ you.
"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out," (Proverbs 20:5).
"I am not talking about those living outside of Christianity, or those whose came in from a broken background. I am talking about those who have been brought up in the scripture, and in the church. Those who were raised by good parents knowing right from wrong."
Why are you categorizing people in this way? We ALL come from broken backgrounds. We're all born sinners to sinning parents in a sinning, fallen world. We all mess up. We're all victims of other people's mess-ups. We're all filthy, awful sinners bound for hell before we come to Christ. Even those who are virgins! The differences b/w people aren't really about who has done which sin or who has been victimized the most. Not one of us is righteous of our own accord... And anyone who thinks that he or she has any merit of his own whatsoever is completely missing the point of Biblical Christianity.
"So let's stay on topics and away from the "what if/what about" scenarios...."
Your topic uses the word "virginity" and people lose their virginity in all kinds of ways. As I said previously, virginity and sexual purity are different things. Yet, you chose not to rephrase your question.
"Let's look at this as parents and take this down to the next generation."
There is a forum for single parents if that's really who you're addressing here. A virgin would not have a child unless he or she had adopted. Only those who have lost their virginity could really have a biological child (except in those rare cases that I won't explicitly describe).
If your question is about how Christians can teach their potential future children about sexuality and purity, well, then that's something completely different that what you stated in your original post. It's definitely a topic worthy of discussion, although not what you've really explicitly asked here.
"When it comes time for your sons and daughters to marry their fiances, do you want and expect true virginity in your children until their consummation in marriage? Do you want and expect that the mate to have also set themselves apart for your child only until their wedding consummation? What about for your grandchildren and their spouses?"
Well, I'm not a fortune teller. And I'm certainly not God. I would certainly hope that my future husband's parents aren't sitting around praying that their son doesn't pick out a girl who's not a virgin. I think when we pray about our future children's future spouses that praying such specific things just isn't really appropriate. We don't know what God's plans are and we have no right to presume that we, or our future children, or our future grandchildren, are "owed" the lives that we've dreamed up for them...
God is not Santa Claus and this life is not about us and our desires being fulfilled. And marriage and sexuality aren't really even about us. It's about glorifying God. It's about portraying the relationship between Christ and His Church. And it's about iron sharpening iron. And God doesn't always act in the way that we expect Him to.
Many Christians think that virgins should marry virgins and non-virgins should marry other non-virgins. But I don't think we have any Biblical grounds for limiting God's sovereignty in our lives in that way (or in any way, for that matter!).
I very much doubt that my future husband is going to say that I'm exactly what he expected or even wanted maybe. I don't think that his response to certain things in my history will be, "Oh, wow, sweetie, that's exactly what I looking for." I don't think it works like that. I don't think it was meant to work like that. I think we're meant to trust God more than that and to know and to hope that God's plans for our lives are so much better than the expectations in our heads.
