Author	Thread: In a 1st message
Admin	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 07:21 PM What's wrong with saying 'So how's it going?' or something to the equivalent of that in a first message? Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 07:22 PM I mean I know women say they hate that and for a long time i just blindly accept it, but honestly, I've never understood why. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 07:59 PM I think that's fine in a first message...as long as it's accompanied by something more specific and interesting. "How's it going" is something that an acquaintance would ask me if he saw me in the grocery store. It would deserve the answer "Fine, thanks for asking. How are you?" It wouldn't get much more than that from me. It's really just a polite formality type of question that doesn't require a real, honest answer. Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 08:00 PM Well, it's a little too open-ended. For me, I'm never sure how to respond. Being that the guy doesn't know, I'd be a little uncomfortable giving a complete, real, open, honest answer. So, I usually say something like, "I'm okay. How are you?" Depending on how the guy answers, that could lead to further conversation... but, it's a bit of a conversation killer (IMO) when used as an opening line. Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 08:42 PM so what do you want to hear? Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 08:51 PM I'd want him to explain why he contacted me and why he wishes to converse w/ me and get to know me better... So... he could could comment on something in my profile or something I said in the forum, and maybe even ask a question about something I've said. Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 09:13 PM Hey Remp... I quess saying 'So how's it going?' or something like that is ok, but he'd need to say a little more... Maybe a comment about something he read in my profile perhaps, common interest he thinks we might share (?)... but as Pixy said... too open ended with just the that opening alone. If you're wanting to start a friendship, then say that. And share maybe a snibbet more about you that's not in your profile. (Once we'd get a message from you, we're probably going to hit your profile anyway and check you out!) :glow: ~GraceMae Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 09:49 PM well my question is 'why?' why not let that stuff surface in the natural flow of a conversation? the alternative is a mechanical, boring, emotionally pent up, frustrating and confusing job application for somebody that's a carbon copy of you. Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 20 Apr, 2010 10:03 PM I mean why do girls expect the guy to be upfront and come off as interesting, and share about themselves, when they're absolutely unwilling to make any kind of effort whatsoever in any of that, and then wonder why they can't find a good guy? Post Reply
View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 21 Apr, 2010 05:49 AM ask yourself, would you walk up to a woman your do not know in real life and ask "how's it going?" or have you ever done this? if someone i was not at least acquainted with approached me like that i would have to ask if we know each other from somewhere. something along the lines of.. "hey, i saw you standing there and thought i should say hi" sounds more natural for real life, or "hey i clicked you profile because of your picture, but when i read your about me section it made me want to write you ....etc" sounds more natural for online... you get the drift? it's not mechanical, it's just the normal flow of events, a logical one that makes sense. nyanda:purpleangel: Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	In a 1st message Posted : 21 Apr, 2010 06:19 AM I agree with Nyanda. Things that work or sound OK in real day-to-day life don't always have the same effect online. I know that I'm a lot more cautious online...in person, I can at least try to interpret body language, or I might even know a little about the person through mutual friends. Online, ALL I have to go on is the person's profile and whatever they say in that first message...that's why the first message is so important to me. It's that person's chance to introduce himself properly. Post Reply

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