Hello, I am curious if there is a way to understand how forward a guy should be with a girl, particularly on this website. I know I don't want to sound like I wanna get married the next day....which I am positive that I don't come off that way at all. However, how do you make your interest in someone really known without coming off as a creeper? I find this difficult many times in conversing with women. I will state for the sake of the discussion that I am trying this website out to find a potential future mate. I'm pretty sure that everyone on her is doing the same thing. I honestly feel that if you are really looking for just friends on here, then you might not be doing a good job in your church or at least connecting to other churches in your area. Anyways, sorry about the tangent. So can any ladies help me with this. Its just difficult for me to understand. Maybe when I like someone I get to scared of looking desperate or coming on too strong and then it makes me look like I really have no interest. I don't think I do this to an extreme but whatever, if this makes sense then let me know. Thanks people!
Hi there, Tyler. I think that a guy should be open and honest about his intentions, BUT that he ought be quite sure of his intentions first. I think that it's simply unnecessary to move a relationship beyond friendship until you know a lady quite well. Many of the matters important to marriage can be discussed within context of marriage. Dating should not be recreational, so you should already be quite serious about a lady before you approach her about moving into a romantic relationship. I think it is a mistake to date someone to get to know her. You should already know her before you date her.
How do you make your interest in someone really known without coming off as a creeper?
You are trying this site out to find a potential future mate.
When you are interested in a lady, you are afraid of looking desperate and coming on too strong. So you are looking for a balance here. Not too aloof and not too desperate.
Actually you are struggling with the only tool online dating provides: writing.
Writing a post to a lady is not equal to simply putting your thoughts on paper (then you are writing a diary...)
As you state yourself, you know that you are not writing in a too desperate way. Maybe you ask yourself you might have sounded not interesting enough, since you did not get any favourable response... Here you simply have to face the fact that the lady just is not interested. Could be your post, could be your left fingernail. However, if it were only your post, she would still have reacted if she really liked you.
What you want is to score with the right tone and right words. There is nothing you can do to provoke that. Each person is unique. For one woman, just an hello is too short; for others it is too much for them to bear...
You must be YOU and keep it that way. You could hire a professional writer to help you with your profile and posts. Then you would be successful until your first date...!!
Do not be so afraid to sound like this or like that. No man has succeeded in reading a woman�s mind yet! We know that! Women do not expect the perfect, complete, wonderful post.
They just want to feel connected when they read it.
And there is one thing they do NOT want to read: smooth honeysweet little lies.
And please keep in mind. That potential future mate you are looking for, must feel connected to you! Please do not persuade yourself in writing wonderful stuff. Be you!
Practical:
Maybe you can start with a wink, sent together (on the same moment) with a small post introducing yourself, saying something genuine about her profile, asking if she could take a look at yours and ask if a further contact is appreciated.
Just correcting my typo... What I meant to say in the middle of my post is that many of the things important to marriage can be discussed w/in the context of friendship. You don't have to date someone to find out what they believe, or how they feel about children, etc.
You said to let you if what you're saying makes sense. No, it does not.
I would say find out who you are and what it is you want and then be that and state that.
You are so concerned about how you sound and what you come off as, that you are not being who you is. (Sorry, I lapse ghetto anytime) Why are you concerned about what 'women' are going to think about you? How many women do you want? You only need the one God has for you to like what you are saying and how you say it.
A man who wants a petite woman who is demure, quiet and soft-spoken would not be happy with me. So, I am myself at all times so that I will attract the man who likes my type and is strong enough to handle me. :rocknroll:
I also take exception to you saying that those who are here to make friends are not doing a good job connecting with churches in our area. Are you trying to find a wife or make enemies with that inflammatory statement? Is there a rule I don't know about that says that I can only have Christian friends in my community?
So, you claim to not know how to talk to women without coming off as a creeper, but you are dictating the reasons why other people should be here?
Many things can be discussed as generalizations: "If you were to get married at some point, do you see yourself..." Once you know a girl a good bit better, particularly if you know you are both thinking long-term future plans, you might feel free to even word the questions "If we were to get married at some point -- hypothetically speaking, of course -- how would you feel about..."
The guy I'm dating did that. He started with generalizations early on, then once we met and started dating seriously, he switched to asking about hypothetical situations that might arise if he and I got married. After nearly 4 months, he still does that, though the questions are more specific and less hypothetical now. I appreciate his candid approach. If he wants to know something, he just asks, and a good discussion is sure to follow.
I wouldn't advise you to jump right in on the first or second (or even first several) emails and start asking very personal questions. Get to know her a bit, and let her know your purpose in being on a dating site in the first place. You may be able to eliminate a girl as a potential wife without even asking many questions. If you are still interested, ask questions when the time seems right. If she's really interested in you too, she probably won't run away.
Hope this helps...and good luck! We ladies are complicated creatures sometimes. I'm just glad that some men take the time to try to understand us. Or at least try to figure out how to co-exist with us!
Yall are so sweet and understanding. Then here I come. :laugh:
InHisHonor, riled me this morning. He is responsible. I think I have found a new nemesis to replace P-luc. I may have to do as you have and stay for the forums and erase my profile. :dancingp:
Hahaha I think i know what you are talking about. For some odd reason I seem to like attract all the creepers on every dating site I join...even CDFF...idk if I have a magnet or something that pulls them to me or what...lol
Pretty much as I see it...spend time getting to know the person without getting too personal too soon. I have had people on the IM client on here "kiss" me...with in 5 after saying Hi. Such a huge turn off. Getting flooded with oh you are so beautiful I love that I love this about you right off the bat is kinda a turn off for me. Sure we all like compliments but not to the point where it's smothering me.
Don't give your email or phone number out like with in the first week or two...comes off like you are desperate....use the email on here to get to know someone.
I have found going into the Chat rooms for a while every so often and talking to people helps a lot for you to get to know someone...think of it as a group date. Not as much pressure.
I know it's hard to get to know someone without getting too personal and coming off too strong....but that's how dating works....find that happy medium and hope for the best...and remember that sometimes the person you are talking to might not be on the same page as you...so what might seem like a typical question to ask might be an off the the wall question to the other person.
I also suggest you do not ask right away (within the first four emails, just as a ballpark indicator) that you both go off site and chat. That is always a red flag for me. Like a wolf cutting out the sheep from the flock - it creeps me out.
Women like to know a man is interested. Little notes daily can do it. Little email prayers sent. It doesn't take a whole lot.
Those are my suggestions - SOS has some better ones.
Yes, you have been dragged. Stand up, slap the dirt off and do what you do. No, it does not take much to rile me, just say something slow. What you got?
