Author	Thread: lost weight
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 01:55 PM Dear ladies: My best friend has had weight trouble her whole life. Last year she went on a new diet attempting to lose 80 lbs. She has never been on a "real date." Not even proms. (Her and I mutually have no feelings more than friendship for each other, yes, it's been discussed.)I promised her that if she made her goal, I'd personally take her on a date. She lost 50 lbs!!!!!!! and only gained back ten. She has since quit the diet, and hasn't been gaining the weight back!!! I know her well enough to know she'll probably never get back on the diet, and she's halfway there. My question is two-fold: 1. Should I still take her out on the date? 2. If I do, should I still go "all out"? (Limo, broadway play, five-star dinner, flowers, etc)? You've all been amazingly helpful and honest in my previous posts, and I'm really coming to value the wealth of Christian women's opinions that I have access to via this site, so please help me out here. Many thanks, skinny Post Reply
View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 04:54 PM dear skinny,,, id say take her out if you really wanted to but not just because she lost some weight.. cause i believe youll just be setting your friend up for some hurt if you take her out for any reason except that you really want to take her out and date her.. she didnt reach her goal so she will think its because you really like her and wanna go out with her as more.. ya know.. ole cattle Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 05:31 PM Hi SKB.... I'd say take her out, but maybe call it "celebratory evening together" but not a date. Are you sure that talk you guys had establiching no possibilities of being anything other than friends.... are you sure it's the same for you both today? I wouldn't say go all out red carpet and stuff, but something nice. Even if it's somethiing that allows her to really dress up (not for you...:rolleyes: but the occation of her weight loss!) Besides, making the weight loss goal "was" the whole reason you offered to take her on a date. Just re-affirm she doesn't secretly maybe have feelings for you, and also recheck you too (emotions). Good luck with that! ~ GraceMae Post Reply
View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 05:56 PM how about if you tell her that you really want to see the show or play " " but that you made a deal to take her when/if she reaches her goal. Maybe that will encourage her to continue. The weight loss will also benefit her health and self esteem, huge pluses. but make sure your not sending the signal that you would be interested if she lost the weight. Post Reply
View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 06:06 PM What a good friend you are. By all means, take her out. I would not go whole hog (limo, etc), though. Since she did not lose all the weight she wanted to (needed to) it should not be the full thing from your end, either. But you can for sure celebrate what she has lost and make her feel special because of it. That's what friends do. Post Reply
jennigirl06 View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 06:36 PM Well for me who is a girl that has struggled with her weight since High School I wouldn't want to be taken out on a "Date" just because I had lost weight. If you don't have feelings for her in that way then don't take her out on a date...maybe take her out as just friends celebrating her new healthier self... Girls want to liked and dated for what we have on the inside. Our bodies are just a box that holds our soul and personality. It is not who we are. Sure looks do matter to some point and if you are not comfortable in your own skin you will have a low self esteem which is a turn off to most people. Don't "Date" her for her looks. Date her for who she is and only that. I hope this helps :) Post Reply
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 07:09 PM Thank you all very much, and please keep it coming. Just to clarify a few things for everyone-Yes the conversation we had clarified everything. There are no romantic feelings between us, otherwise, I wouldn't be on this site.:glow: It was her that asked "ya know-say I did hit my goal-what do ya think the chances are you'd take me on a REAL date? I'll even split the cost with you but I want a limo, flowers, maybe a play, or high class something or other, we go fifty-fifty. Deal?" (And yes, that is ver batim) I said "Deal" and we both agreed on it. A little background I should've given earlier and apologize for: When this had happened, I was actually dating a friend of hers that she set me up with, and my girlfriend was ok with, and actually supportive of the idea, wanting to take my friend dress shopping, and to pick out a play, as well as offering her substantial photography skills for the event. I thought about making this a group thing, and brought the idea up, but was shot down "because what if I freak out, and don't feel right all dressed up in some hoity-toity restaurant, and just want to disappear for a while." You see THIS is why I'm so happy to have all your opinions on this subject!!!! Thank you all so much!!!! During the time she was on her diet, I was wrestling with my own demons, and we'd done some math, and figured we'd each come out of our respective battles around the same time. I was able to succeed with mine, and I know that's always in the back of her mind. I really like all the scale it down suggestions-so ladies, any suggestions how to do that? Specific ideas? Post Reply
skinnywhiteboy View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 07:12 PM And God'slamb-thank you, I think you understood best what I was trying to get across. Through your posts, you seem very self-assured, and well grounded. Do you personally have any suggestions? I'm with you on "scale it back" how do I do that specifically? Post Reply
Prov31_Lady View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 08:05 PM I'm in a similar boat as your friend. I've been overweight my whole life, but I did lose 30 pounds last year and am working on the rest. I never had a date for prom or banquets until my senior year of COLLEGE! And even then, I had to ask a guy friend of mine to go with me (as a friend). One time in college, a close guy friend of mine offered to take me out for my birthday. There were no romantic feelings, just like your situation, but we were both single. I accepted. To this day, I still remember how awesome it was to have a MALE give me his attention and show me off around town, even as a friend!!!!! I strongly encourage you to go through with the "date" but like others have advised, I wouldn't go all out with the limo and such. Just dressing up nice and going out in public will be very memorable! Go for it! This weekend! :yay::party: Post Reply
View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 08:50 PM dear jenni, welcome to the forums.. ole cattle Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	lost weight Posted : 28 Jan, 2010 08:53 PM I too have struggled with my weight all my life. I'm pretty comfortable with my appearance, but it's always been in the back of my mind that perhaps my weight is the reason that guys never ask me out. I went on my first date ever a couple weeks ago. But anyway... I think you should take her out, but don't go all out on it. (But obviously you shouldn't come right out and say "You only met half your goal, so you only get half the quality of a date.") Take her somewhere nice and elegant, perhaps dinner at a nice restaurant. No limo...drive her yourself. I have no clue what kind of car you drive, but if you don't think it's "nice" or "fancy" enough, rent one for the day. Treat her like a queen, and even though you have no romantic feelings for her, make every other guy there jealous of you because YOU are the one on a date with her. Also, make her feel like she has really accomplished a lot with her diet. I don't know for sure that this would be the case with her, but when people notice that I've lost weight, or compliment me on my appearance after I've lost weight, it really inspires me to work harder to lose more...it might be the same for her, and she might just go back on that diet and lose the rest of that weight! Good luck with this! Post Reply

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