I think the #1 rule of all would be no fornicating. While I don't know you personally such as your dating background before or after your relationship with Jesus Christ began, it still really wouldn't change my answer. Physical intimacy would be off limits, and it's only in each other's best interests that I say this. Cross that line, and your judgement will be clouded. You will never know if this person/relationship is God's best for your life. Not to mention, partaking in such an activity would be considered a sin in God's BOOK OF TRUTH!
dear batch,,, i think this is about as close a verse as i can find that would kinda go along with dating..
1 corinthians 7:36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.
to me this verse means that the couple are off somewhere together.. cause if they was there together around the family well he wouldnt be misbehavin improperly there hehe..
i believe most folks nowadays that have some age on em aint getting a virgin.. but i believe you can still look at it as a gf .. and to everyone that is a virgin my hats off to ya.. youve done really well. hold tight to it. as thats one thing youll never get back once lost..
and for you young folks that may be reading this.. if youre a virgin remain so till married.. youll have a much better chance of never straying.. or if your mate is one theyll have a better chance of never straying.. its because you wont know whether the grass is greener on the other side of the fence or not.. youll only of had one lover, your husband or wife and nothing to compare them too. you wont know if youre missing out on something. or if someone else is better or not.. you wont have anything to feel let down about .. youll only know love as it is meant to be.. between you and your husband or wife.. only one..
and to all that are not virgins, try your best to not have many partners and also not to put yourself in any situations where temptation may run rampant.. cause each time you slip you loose another little part of you.. and you fill your mind with a little more junk.. its not meant to be that way. making love is meant to be between man and his wife.. nothing else will feel right .. anything else and you will feel much conviction and guilt.. because you became one with someone that wasnt your spouse..
much better to marry.. and love your husband or wife.
You seem like you mean well, and want to do the right thing. I commend you for that! You definitely are on the right track, and always keep in mind that fornication is off limits. Make that word into a big, flashing, neon sign, if it will help you to never lose sight of the significance of it and its consequences. That will always be the biggest boundary of all of the little ones you will establish to keep you on the right and righteous path.
It would be wise of you to put much prayer and thought into
this and to keep doing so even as you begin to date, and I presume that would be with one woman only?! Perhaps, the lady you have in mind now is the "one" God has anointed and appointed for you to court, traditionally speaking, without fornication, of course. But you know that already. Never stop knowing that. That will be part of your shield.
Double dating with other Christian couples can be a clean and fun experience. I've done that. That will provide extra accountability. But having a solo date in public isn't a sin. You will need time to converse privately, building trust, respect, and sincere affection/admiration for each other, perhaps, even finding the courage and comfort to pray together if you both are O.K. with that.
It might not be the best idea to invite each other over at first, but if you do, consider the time of day, and place a time limit on it, if need be. Don't get too comfortable, but don't be so hyper- retentive about it that lose the beauty of what God is trying to show you.
Holding hands is sweet. I like doing that. But I'm presently not dating, and I never dated abundantly either. I have had a few LTR's before my relationship with Christ began, but random dating doesn't interest me as much as friendship or marriage. Any physical expressions of fornication need to be off limits. It doesn't make it any less of a spiritual sin if it isn't the actual "act" itself. Understand? I'm trying to be tasteful, respectfull, and not suggestive/leading.
You were spot on for your last point! God never tempts anyone to do wrong. It's always the flesh of man or the "enemy" pushing, and don't use God's grace to justify.
But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. (James 1:14-15)
1- Establish your plan on God's Word.
2- Stick with it at all cost.
3- Always be accountable for your attitude, actions, and intentions.
4- If and when feelings of "lust" arise, back away pronto. Don't feel embarrassed. She will understand. If she is the one who is becoming weak, don't make her uncomfortable in the process, but physical seperation will be needed.
5- Before you go out on a date, pray, renew your mind in God's Word. Use speciific scriptures to declare out loud in Jesus' name. This will empower you to be an honorable man.
Ok AB.. told you in the Welcome area I'd get back to you here. I got some great guidelines for Godly dating in a Series bible study this summer. This session was called Dating: A Godly Perspective. (Scripture reference included Song of Solomon 1:8-17 and 2:1-7) Prior to this we'd been covering another teaching which covered the foundation and being able to differentiate between Physical Attraction and Character/Spiritual Attraction.
Now the rest of what I write is not from me but what our Pastor spoke/taught on with a few of my added notes. Keep an open mind as you read this. You just have to be a little more imaginative if your trying to do online dating I guess..
Too many people move too guickly in the dating process. The goal of a great date is to build respect and friendship with one another. A person can't build respect for one another if they don't know each other.
They can't get to know unless they spend time together. A great date isn't centered around entertainment alone; but on quality time in a safe environment. How does a person get to know if they like a person if they don't invest the time to learn who they are? Dating is a process of time, cultivation and restraint.
** Requirements for successful dating
a. Time - Notes: Avoid concentrations of time, such as entire days spent together when you first begin dating. You need time between encounters to process what new stuff you learn and review your outing with the person. Too much, too soon--you're likely to not keep your objectivity. Don't hurry the process.
b. Have a "no strings attached" policy. Dating shouldn't be obligatory at all. Notes: it becomes courtship if you making it exclusive to the person. Recommended - go on group dates.
c. Respect - The hallmark of a good relationship. You are "wonderfully and beatifully" made!
Ex: A man should be kind to me (who REALLY wants to be with me).
** Four stages of Friendship
1. Acceptance -
Defined: We chose each other as we are with no conditions.
Romans 15:7 Accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.
2. Affirmation (not people who want to tear me down)
Defined: We commit to building each other up through genuine interest of each other and regular encouragement.
Ex: "I will focus on meeting your needs, not mine."
Phil 2:3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
3. Accountability
Defined: We will regularly "check-in" with one another in key areas of our personal and spiritual growth. Together, we will become godly people ( a Godly family)
Ex: "Because I care about you, I will warn you when I see danger ahead of you.
4. Authority (GOD)
Defined: We recognize and remind each other of Gods ultimate authority in our lives.
Ex: " I will submit to the authority of Christ in everything".
Notes: Constantly we remind each other we are not our own! My body, His body is not ours to please as we want. God didn't make me or anyone to be alone. Be on the lookout for one another. God never said we had to do this by ourselves. We've got His help.
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this that one lay down his life for his friends.
*** Desirable Things To Expect During Dating
When a dating relationship is in good order, each person can expect severeal things to happen as an automatic conseguence of their spending time together.
1. A desire to listen and a growing ease in communication.
2. A growing feeling of endearment - you'll begin to use terms exclusive to just you two.
3. A lack of pressure- when we both agree Jesus is LORD. That takes the pressure off!
4. An open acknowledgement of your dating relationship. - Don't hide your relationship. Always open.
- exhibits a mark of identity, presence, and a canopy of spiritual blessing.
*** A Period of Growing Passion
A natural phenomenon of dating is a desire to give of oneself. The more respect a person has for another, and the more time spent together, the more the desire to express respect and affection in tangible, physical ways. A part of this growing desire is certainly a sexual desire.
1. The need for restraint
Note: Placing boundatires especially when physical attraction is HIGH! Make sure you're with a person in tune and like minded as you. Watch arousal.
2. Keep the fires contained.
*** 3 Questions To Ask While Dating
As you date, look for the spiritual disciplines and spiritual direction evident in the life of the one you are dating. Don't rely on "someday I want to " or I know I need to" or "after I'm married, I hope to" statements. Look for evidence "today" in the life of the person you are dating. If you don't find it today, there is little chance it will spontaneously appear tomorrow and last into the next decade. Spiritual disciplines and direction flow naturally from andd individuals' relationship with the Lord. They should not be things that a person initiates or begins to do simply to enhance a dating relationship.
Ask yourself,
1. Does the person have a daily quiet time with the Lord?
2. Is the person involved actively in a Christian church or other body of believers?
3. Does the person desire to pursue the same type of spiritual life and ministry that you desire to pursue?
***Homework Questions to Think Through
Does my prospective date...
. Demonstrate wisdom and discernment?
. Have a heart to do what is best for me?
. Possess a sensitive conscience in regard to right and wrong?
. Refuse to use me or others to gain status?
. Have the approval of the significant people in my life?
. Have a reputation of keping commitments?
. Display follow-through in meeting obligations?
. Show respect toward authority?
. Have a positive outlook on life?
. Excercise discpline and self-control?
. Manage money well?
. Maintain eye contact when talking with people?
. Interact courteously with others?
. Have an active bible study and prayer life?
Proverbs 18:15 The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.
So, I know it was a lot, but I hope it was insightful. I'm sure many of the ladies (and men) here can appreciate the significance of all that was implied and given as a good foundation for dating.
To Eternal Hope Thanks so much for the dating tips and Guidelines, my soul really took those words in, Especially reminding myself Continually! that FORNICATION is ALWAYS OFF-LIMITS while dating. Thank you Eternal Hope you sure have given me hope and I pray that everyone whos read this feels the same.
Uhhhh... That's a questionable interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7:36.
Paul is NOT giving his tacit approval for premarital sex. Slide on down to 7:38 and this will become abundantly clear: He writes of a FATHER giving away his DAUGHTER in marriage. "So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better." KJV, BTW. To this day fathers still give their daughters away in marriage.
I would like to add one more reason why pre-marital sex is not good for a relationship.
Every marriage needs to have Dicipline or it will wander all over the place...with no direction or order to it. Without discipline either spouse may give in to the temptations they encounter through their daily walk in the world.
Without discipline children will have no boundaries and will grow up with no order or respect in their characters.
Just as a Dam needs steel and concrete to contain the tremendous amount of water behind in from bursting forth...so too does a marriage need discipline to keep it from "crashing".
During the dating period our discipline is tested. If we fail this test...chances are our marriage will fail. If we pass this test...there is a good chance it will succeed. If we pass because of having God's Presence and His Word in our lives...we are ASSURED of a long and loving and properous relationship.
Peace
"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat." - Joanne Woodward
dear liquid, i dont think i said or that paul said it was ok for premarital sex..
not fornicatin, but that the feller was behavin improperly towards his virgin.. then let them marry..
why do you think the dad allows the daughter to marry in a case like that? so they wont be sinnin or continueing to sin. or have a baby out of wedlock.. as paul said also it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
in the olden days you were concidered married when a man knew the woman. long as she wasnt another mans wife.. then thatd be adultery..
