To what extend do you believe in giving one a second chance?
Let's say you do meet someone here that you connect and get along well with. After a number of emails have been sent and received from him, he eventually starts to open up and share with you how bad he feels about his marriage that didn't work out. Had he knew then what he knows now (being saved and taught better how much God has entrusted man with families) he would have done everything it took to save his marriage, not to mention letting his kids experience the unpleasantness of having to altinate between their parents when they need them both inspite of whose more responsible and reliable than the other.
He emphasizes how different he is now from the person that he used to be and how willing is he to make up to his kids and his former wife if possible, only if he can be given a second chance . You can't help but feel his sincerity every time he asks you to present him to God in your personal prayers since you've now adapted to a habit of praying for each others needs. Somehow you start feeling that he does deserve a second chance if only God can make means of uniting them and soften their hearts, especially the lady's heart if she hasn't moved on into another relationship.
Few days latter the brother uploads his profile pic only to find that you've been praying for your ex husband to be given a second chance by his former wife (you)
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
Trust me I had those passages in mind when asking this question. Marriage seem to be the biggest deal one can ever commit to. I think these are issues we need to consider on a serious note before committing our lives to someone.
Thank you for sharing that,
Though I'm still interested in hearing the ladies replies.
Ahhhhhh Sisygirl my friend.....what an interesting scenario you've created.....kudos(smile)! Now diving in and not to take away from the truth shared by our brother in Christ, Kev2143, I'm willing to step out of "the box", just for this moment to share what's on my mind! But always, always, always putting God's Word first, especially when dealing with matters of the heart!
Right at the end of your scenario is where I'd like to start....right where as that pic is being uploaded and I see that it's been my ex-husband I've been sharing, praying and fellowshipping with all this time......well I can only speak for myself but the joy, excitement, peace and a great deal of tears will inevitably flow......without question:applause:!!! Now honestly I have to say this here, staying within the confines of your scenario, biblical divorce is biblical divorce! If I've chosen to become a member of a dating site after divorcing my husband, I will ABSOLUTELY have to have gotten divorce because of a) infidelity, b)physical abuse or c) abandonment, if he no longer wanted to be married to a Christian.
Now since you didn't mentioned in your scenario why we divorced, then I'll interject here and say that if he divorced me because he no longer wanted to be married to a Christian and has now wholeheartedly and completely given his life to Jesus, then I would take him back in an instant(smile)lol!! The other reasons I gave for divorce will probably bring on a different type of discussion, but since this is a scenario, I'm choosing abandonment(smile)! Second chances?........how many chances do you think The Lord gives us on a daily basis? Good one my sister.......good one!
Since we ladies upload our pics often times than guys do, he knew exactly who he was talking to. When sending you emails trying to break the ice and conversing with you, he was making sure if both were here for the same reasons, seeking love. His not even surprised meeting you here cause his been wondering if there was a neutral ground where you could meet and get to hear his side of the story about repentance and willingness to get his house in order. This wouldn't have worked had he brought up this subject inperson. Your body language always communicates less interest, its been clear that you're only meeting him to discuss the kids maintenance. With him its an answered prayer seeing you here but revealing who he is sooner would have compromised him an opportunity of reconnecting and making known to you that his now repented. You would have resisted at first site had you knew it's him.
"joy, excitement, peace and a great deal of tears will inevitably flow without question"
I also think it would really be great indeed having a new member partaking with us in the body of Christ, especially being the father of your kids. But then again your reconciliation is dependent on the number of things even if you've already forgiven him.
(Can I ask you further) What if it was a question of infidelity that brought forth your divorce? Without taking sites here, he still didn't know any better then than he does now! Remember that God's word and instructions are written for us believers not non-believers. Would it made any difference if he cheated when you were still married?
I'll understand if you're not comfortable to answer this one since you've already mentioned that biblical divorce its biblical divorce inspite...!
Is there a chance of him working on earning your trust since his now a new creature?
The question of biblical divorce seems more interesting as I let my thoughts dwell on in. It's infact a subject on its on. Thank you sis for bringing it up!
Sisy the reason I asked is to uncover possible true intent . I guess I have a hard time with the secrecy on his part before his pic reveal. He wasnt trusting her to listen to him and he took that choice away from her. Also Id wonder if it was on his own accord and not God leading. As the ex wife, I would take it up with the Lord and take it very very slow. I would want to know that his actions match his words over a period of time. Examine the fruit and get into marital christian counseling.Let the Lord lead.
"I would want to know that his actions match his words over a period of time. Examine the fruit and get into marital christian counseling.Let the Lord lead."
That's the only way to find out if his as sincere as he sounds! Your reply is wisdom filled. :applause: :applause:
Ok my friend, now that the stardust of romance and reconciliation have been cleared from eyes, coupled with what's been newly painted to your scenario, I've taken an entirely different stance(smile)!
The fact that I didn't ask certain questions regarding your post has well......left me at a disadvantage! Like the young folks say, "my bad"(smile)! Now that it's confirmed that the ex-husband knew all along who he had been corresponding with and then waited until he felt the time was right to upload a pic of himself, leads me to believe that his intentions probably were never sincere! That lies, control and manipulation were and still are what makes up his character!!
Can you see the tears, joy and excitement starting to fade(smile)lol!! And now you've asked that if the reason for the divorce was infidelity, then what would I have done? Piggy backing on our sister Hidden's response, I would add that I would first and foremost do a great deal of praying, asking him to do the same! And for the fact that my ex had the courage to even approach me on a dating site to possibly reconcile......well I'll still have to give him a few points for that(smile)!! But as Hidden exclaimed and before there's any talk about "getting back together", there would have to be extensive counseling, our children too would have to play a big part in this process, if they're of age and finally what thus saith The Lord in and thru my heart, would be the determining factor in my final decision. I've heard of many couples come back from worst and are still with one another! Ummmmm second chances.......
Ladies I wanna share my gratitude for taking this scenario with such consideration. I appreciate questions asked for more clarity before posting your replies! That has kinda challenged me to think further and come up with reasons why wouldn't he tell you this inperson. Hence I brought forth the subject of body language from the ladies side. You may not agree with me on this... But ladies our bodies speaks volumes to the opposite sex! .We can draw a line without talking and make our intentions heard through silent treatment or closed conversations. Not necessarily that we're angry, but merely communicating/clarifying our boundaries and a lack of interest in anything further than what the purpose of us meeting with an ex is all about. (That is just why he always prayed for a neutral ground where he'll be listened to without you acting up either through your facial expression or being completely shut out through body language!) Can you believe that guys cannot bear our silent treatment? However this is another subject for another day.
Joy I must have pushed you to the edge when bringing forth the subject of fidelity as the main cause of your divorce! Thank you once more for sharing your further thoughts! What I seek to understand however is this: If all along your senses and descentment were what kept you goin and cooperating to his genuineness, does this change over a pic being uploaded? His now a lier and a manipulator cause his risking by revealing who is? Don't you think he would have taken his games to a new person who has no idea of a person that he used to be, so she doesn't always have to refer to the past and compare him with a person he claims to be today? After all new beginnings are always convenient and easier than making up with a person who knew you before.
Without taking sites here, would you have listened if he revealed earlier who he was or you would have felt that this dating site is not enough for the two of you as members? I think he still implements the mind of Christ since we're called to peace and reconciliation! Where else to start putting scripture into practice apart from our very families.
Again, I'm still wondering about the scripture that communicates the divorced parties abstaining and not remarrying until death do them part!
Does that apply in this scenario if it was a true experience?
And yes ladies I'm in full agreement with more prayers from both and fruits of salvation especially from him since claiming to have changed!
