This is a question for any Godly woman that would like to answer. I am asking because I am curious about what you all may think. I know that everyone have physical desires and things that they are attracted to etc..we all vary in that department. However, lets say you meet a guy who matches, exceeds, or meet every criteria you would want in a man : Godly in mind, body and spirit, attractive, thoughtful, respectful, strong (physically and mentally), a leader of his own heart before God, intelligent, good with children, considerate, listens and speaks well, a gentleman..an overall great guy. But he doesn't meet that one physical trait you may like..such as he is 10 lbs overweight, he may not have the right color skin or hair..or he may not be as tall as you would like. Do you pass this man up or is he worth giving a shot?
Please note that I am not attacking women or being biased etc..Yes, Ive been told Im not tall enough etc..Its kind of funny that these silly things are still issues even as I am getting older with some sisters..which I find kind of funny. It is just a social and cultural "norm" for a guy to be "tall" (above 5'6 lol). Why is that expected? Ive had women tell me that if I wasnt a short guy, Id have no problem with them. I think that that is not a Godly perspective at all. I am not having self confidence issues, so please dont think that lol. However, I am just curious as to what you all would do or say in this situation b/c not all women or people are the same. :) Thanks!
So on the three mentioned issues, here are my thoughts:
1. Weight may be an issue if the girl is really fit. If the guy is physically active and likes to exercise for himself (not just to get a chance with the girl), I think that they have a good chance of working out.
2. Race seems to be a highly personal choice, so I am not going to that den of lions. Personally, I am more comfortable around people that I know and trust, and for the most part they tend to look like me.
3. Height is one of those hit or miss. I think for most girls I know, the consensus seems to be that they want a guy taller than them to feel safe and protected, which they would not if the guy were smaller than them.
"But he doesn't meet that one physical trait you may like..such as he is 10 lbs overweight, he may not have the right color skin or hair..or he may not be as tall as you would like. Do you pass this man up or is he worth giving a shot?"
Anyone who passes a man up for one of these things, assuming he meets all the criteria you described, is blind, an idiot, and I daresay has a level of entitlement that borders on sinful.
There really is no other excuse.
Height requirements for relationships are stupid, as are weight requirements. Waving "I'm more comfortable around people I trust who look like me" is racist and unbelievably xenophobic and I am quite frankly stunned that it is the sort of thing anyone would admit out loud in polite company (though I realize I shouldn't be surprised by anything, especially on the internet, anymore). Honestly, OP, if women are feeding you this line, or the height line, or the weight line, I dare say you do have the right to be biased and attack women a little bit. The women you've encountered, if they're giving you this drivel, are acting in a way that is completely heinous and not worth anyone's time.
Are you 5'6"? I will be honest, that is actually my preferred height for a guy (with a maximum of 5'10"). It isn't a deal breaker and it isn't even a criteria, but I've known a number of shorter guys and I like being slightly below eye level with them, rather than feeling like a little girl talking to her dad.
"I think that that is not a Godly perspective at all."
It isn't. You're absolutely right. It's a petty, entitled attitude, and it absolutely is wrong, and if you see it, call the girls out on it. It's also possible that it's an excuse, that they didn't really think you two were compatible (for whatever reason, and this isn't an issue where anyone is at fault) and they used it as an excuse to avoid being honest about not being interested. That is deceitful and wrong.
First, let me say that we all have our preferences. Some people are pickier than others, or more determined to not compromise on those preferences. Different from preferences are standards. These are the things that we "require" in a partner. Some people's standards are other people's preferences, and vice versa.
I can't speak for all women when I say this, but I think that things such as height, weight, and color of skin/hair/eyes/whatever are for the most part preferences. But I'll go ahead and address each of those things from my own perspective.
1. Height: I'm fairly short myself (5'4"), so most guys are about my height or slightly taller. I noticed in your profile that you are 5'3", so you'd be slightly shorter, but not disturbingly so. While I'm initially more attracted to guys who are about 6' tall, a few of the cutest and most attractive guys I know are around my own height (maybe an inch taller). Their personality more than makes up for their height, and they don't appear to be unusually short because they carry themselves with a quiet confidence. So, I don't really take a guy's height into consideration.
2. Weight: That's a tough one. 10-20 pounds overweight would not be an issue at all. 50+ pounds overweight might be more of an issue, simply because of health reasons. More important than weight, though, is living a healthy lifestyle. If one eats a healthy diet and stays physically active, a slightly overweight body doesn't hurt his chances with me.
3. Color of skin/hair/etc.: If I had to describe my "perfect" man, I'd say he would have fair skin, maybe some freckles, brown or reddish brown hair, and blue or brown eyes. Those are the characteristics of most of the guys that I look at and think "Goodness he's cute!" That's just what I'm primarily attracted to. However, I know people of many different races, appearances, and colors that I find to be attractive. It really just depends on the guy and whether or not I actually have the chance to get to know him for who he is and not just base my opinions on what he looks like.
Maybe IHD's comment could have been worded better, but I don't think it's racist or xenophobic - there's no claim that certain races* are inferior. Even if there had been a deliberate claim that a certain ethnic group were less trustworthy - which there isn't - that'd have to be weighed up against her personal experiences, not in isolation, before it could be classed as prejudiced.
Maybe I'd be classed as racist, but by who's measure?
1. The OP asked for an opinion, which I gave freely from my perspective.
2. OP did not mention race specifically, only referring to �right skin color�, which I in turn interpreted as him being turned down in asking out women because of his race.
3. So, now, you assume that I a) have been asked out by other races and b) I have turned them down. Not only that, but you have now insulted me, calling me blind, idiotic, entitled, racist, xenophobic, petty and entitled. Where in my post did I confirm any of your assumptions?
4. I can only be left to assume that you are none of the things you have called other women on your post. So perhaps you might want to share your opinion based on your dating experiences. Have you dated someone short, obese, or from a race other than your own?
5. I do not think speaking any more on my experiences will help the intent of this discussion, but I have all of the above. So please stop to think about what you are putting out before you resort to insulting people, okay? Perhaps I speak what is in my mind, because I have a different upbringing and background than you do.
6. I will concede that there are women that will say anything to get out of dating someone they are just not attracted to, but that could also be for not wanting to hurt a guy�s feelings or maybe trying to be polite and saying no at the same time. It could be that she is genuinely not interested in that guy because she is interested in someone else. There are so many variables that we are not aware of in the OP�s circumstances, and so we can only speak to him from our own experiences.
7. You mentioned your preferences, which is exactly what I did. Nobody is upset about that and nobody is calling you names. Even you have some idea in your head of what type of guy you are looking for (you mentioned that in your post).
8. While you may think that is not a godly perspective, I fail to see where in the Bible, there is an admonition for the exact formula and person of the husband I am to have. Perhaps you can enlighten us. I do honor and respect people, made in the image of God as having worth and value. I do not think I am meant to marry every person I meet, or for that matter the first person that asks. There is a lot that goes into relationships that you may or may not understand. I know I have gone through a lot with in my relationships to know what I am looking for. I would appreciate if you would respect my choices rather that attack them.
You said you were more comfortable around people you trusted, who generally tended to look like you. The unspoken implication was "I don't trust people who don't look like me."
I'm sick of tolerating this as a valid "opinion." It isn't. It's wrong. It's sinful. I'm sick of it. My being "none of the things" I mentioned in my post doesn't make it okay and it doesn't make it right. Am I often entitled? Heck yes. An idiot? All the time. Petty? I THRIVE ON IT. But this issue matters, it matters deeply to me, and I'm done being quiet and not calling it out.
Have I dated someone short or obese? No, I've dated someone average and I've dated someone tall and skinny. I waited for a short, fat guy to ask me out for some time but the timing never happened. None of this is applause worthy, but you did ask. As for dating outside my race, it's my intention, because I am part of an interracial family and proactive antiracism is a value I hold strongly. And statements like this, quite honestly and in my opinion, are racist. The problem is that there's no way to say that to people without them throwing a complete fit because only bad people are racist and they're not bad people, they're good people, so darn it, IT WASN'T RACIST. I call bull$h!t. Good people are racist too. Good people say racist things or things with distressingly prejudiced overtones... undertones... TONES.
"So please stop to think about what you are putting out"
Maybe you can provide some clarification here. You seem to suggest that by her saying she intends to date within her race, she is exercising a form of racism. Could not the same argument be made of you since your intention is do date outside your race? My point is this...Preference of a specific skin color in a relationship isn't inherently racist.
I did say I am comfortable around people I know. I spend time with people to get to know them. I enjoy being friends with people from other countries in Asia and Africa (hint, they are not of my race). I do not trust people I do not know, however that does not preclude me from being friends with people that look different than I do. Taking the statement literally would mean that I am only friends with females, which would leave me with no guys to form friendships and dating relationships. I have dated all kinds of people (the three mentioned by the OP at various times in my life), which should suggest to you that I am not racist or discriminatory in any way, but you failed to note that and move on. Clearly this is a hot button issue for you. Not everyone believes the same way that you do (or me for that matter). A lot of people believe a lot of different things. I can�t change anybody�s opinion. I can respect people and present my case/opinion/beliefs/values and hope to have a civil conversation. Can we get back to the OP and his question rather than side sidetracked venture?
