Author	Thread: Do nice guys generally finish last?
ArtisticInIowa View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 6 Feb, 2012 08:04 AM Okay ladies, this is probably a dumb question to begin with. I'm just curious, but why does it seem like the nice guys generally finish last? The only reason I ask is because that is what it feels like most days. Maybe it's because they don't believe I have a backbone, although it seems for the majority that they think there is a hitch.... You know...."Hey you're a really nice guy, but if I met you I'm afraid you'd be completely different." My recent question I was asked in regards to my divorce. I guess if I'm divorced it means that we both had issues, which negates the fact that I'm a nice guy due to the fact that I am divorced. My ex divorced me because she said she didn't love me anymore, didn't want to try to work it out and in the long run wasn't too happy with my quite controlling father. I didn't think it was to much to ask for a chance, but it's odd that I seem to get a "there's got to be a hitch somewhere" with the majority of women I speak to. Yes, I am real. Yes, I would give the coat off my back to someone who was cold, or the food off my plate if someone was hungry. I strive to be like Christ on a daily basis and am happy with the man I am. There is no hidden agenda, just a man who wants to find a woman who shares similar interests and wants to be happy and in love for the rest of their life. Thanks for any and all answers... Matt Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 6 Feb, 2012 09:45 PM Hey Matt, it sucks being the nice guy huh? Firstly I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out, that must have been painful but at least you were willing to try, so many see the door and burst through it without a thought. The thing is with men and women when you meet someone generally nice you kind of hold yourself back, yes because there is that niggling voice "Is he for real?" Mainly because they've seen too much of he worst of people, or someone seemed nice but it was all an act, or they heard horror stories from friends. whatever the reason, you're getting the bad end of things. But take heart, the right friend, the right woman will take that chance that first step because it is the leading of the Lord and nothing else. Remember there is nothing good in us really only Christ makes us who we are. In terms of people not willing to take a chance because of your marital status is just sadly part of what comes with the stigma of divorce. I know what the bible says concerning this matter, as well as most. But I wonder about those left behind when a souse walks away and refuses to reconcile, are they destined to be alone because of someone else's decision? Maybe it's something you can take before the Lord. I am not an advocate for divorce but these things happen. Ask your Heavenly Father to guide you into all truth. It's a lot to read but i hope it helps in some way.I'll be praying for you. God bless. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 12:57 AM Honestly, I think this has everything to do with being happy with and at peace with yourself and your behavior and how you conduct yourself and treat people. If you're happy and at peace, you'll be patient and if you're patient, you'll be better able to have good timing, good delivery, good attitude, and able to weather dissappointment all of which have so much to do with success. If you're not happy and think you're being too nice, don't go the opposite and think being mean will get you one. It's a completely different arena that has to do with attraction and being a gentleman. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 01:02 AM I mean I'm sure there've been women that were nice to you that you weren't attracted to in that way. Think about it. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 05:36 AM Honestly, yes. Because there's nothing really attractive about being a "nice guy." You know what is attractive? A confident guy. I realize that when you say "nice guy" you might just mean you are polite, considerate, friendly, and have respectable social skills, but the "nice guy" persona usually means a wimpy, passive, overly nice guy. I want a guy who is friendly but confident, who knows himself and acts as a result of who HE is - not what he thinks girls will want. Google "nice guy" and you'll get a lot more of what I'm talking about. The "nice guys" also often think that women owe them something for being "nice guys", whether that is sex or, on a site like this, attention. And that is wrong. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy If none of this describes you - and it may not! - then stop describing yourself as a nice guy and you'll do yourself a favor. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 05:39 AM Also as a woman let me just say that divorce is not necessarily a dealbreaker for me, but overbearing father is. Other people's opinions may vary, however. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 09:56 AM Matt, I am just asking this question for you to think to yourself, and not necessarily to answer on this forum. I am also going to make an assumption based upon what you have said that may or may not be true. I am just going by the few words you have written here. You state that your wife couldn�t deal with your overbearing father. You are really caught between a rock and a hard place. You want to show love to your wife, but you also want to show respect for your father. As a �nice guy� you will want to come to some sort of compromise between your father and your wife. But, not everyone is reasonable and there comes a time when you have to choose between your wife and your father. In a marriage it is the responsibility for the husband to protect his wife, but it sounds like you were being a �nice guy� to your father and let him be �not so nice� to your wife. That�s not the �nice guy� that your wife was looking for. There is a world of difference between thinking of others and caring about their feelings, and letting someone walk all over you. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 10:50 AM Cobbler said: "There is a world of difference between thinking of others and caring about their feelings, and letting someone walk all over you." Exactly. :applause: Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 03:54 PM Heya Matt, Just reading your forum post and boy can I empathise. With a shortage of genuinely God-centred men around (inside and outside the church) these days, it has to be said that it is incredibly surprising that women within the church community aren't being more outgoing and trusting God more in their relationships. I think ultimately that is what it boils down to. All of the young women in the Anglican church I used to go to (about 30 of them) are all married now to parties outside of the church (a direct contravention of scripture as it goes anyway), but it seems that many women in the church (although not exclusively the women) are very much looking outside the church for the whirlwind romance rather than a level-headed genuine Christian man. This seems particularly so in the UK, where men of typical marrying age (18-40 or so) are seemingly being ignored for being "the good guys". It's almost like we're good enough to be trusted friends, but women in the UK (even in the church) like to live the wild heathen lifestyle that sees many of them end up associated with drugs, drunken debauchery and other such activities, and who's shoulder gets cried on? The same person who isn't good enough to be entrusted with their heart in a non-platonic sense. Recently a friend of mine noted that his church had a population boom from the 'cultural Christian' setting. 12 of the 28 choirgirls, during a period of time where he had been providing for the poor in a 3rd world nation, had fallen pregnant outside of wedlock - none of them with members of the male population of the church. Every one of them had a non-believer as a father. Whilst they're still some genuinely amazing, God-fearing women out there for whom their faith is the cornerstone of their lives (something which is infinitely more attractive than worldly beauty), it seems that too much of the "soap-opera culture" of "NO MAN IS TRUSTWORTHY" (part of the feminist conspiracy) has rubbed off on more and more women, and with feminism creeping into the church, it is diving men and women in congregations around the world. Whilst not desiring to cause any woman to be offended here, I have to say that they need to open their eyes and see the short supply of good guys in their churches and make a move. This is part of the reason that the church is dying - Christians aren't fulfilling God's command to be fruitful and to go forth and multiply. Add to that 10% of marriages in the UK last year were between Christians and members of other faiths, it demonstrates a massive contempt on the part of such people for the will of God in their lives. Every blessing Steven :bouncy: Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 07:30 PM ...yeah, that's not what it is. It's because nice guys are doormats. I want an alpha male. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do nice guys generally finish last? Posted : 7 Feb, 2012 11:35 PM I worked with someone like godsgirl23. She preferred the "Alpha Males" too. In fact, she married one. Four kids, 2 miscarriages, and twelve years later she divorced him. She has vision loss in one eye and a partial plate where her natural teeth should be because her "non doormat" alpha male beat her throughout their marriage. Her complaint now? "Why cant I find a nice guy?" Those Alpha Males also tend to have a few extra women on the side. @OP Dont sweat it. God will let you meet a "nice girl". The other ones arent worth your time. Post Reply

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